As posted a couple of days ago – Alex Jones, right-wing nut-job conspiracy theorist and fake news spreader, claims that a Civil War, a product of Democratic planning, is at the ready with a “launch” planned for July 4th. It’s in my calendar but…uh, no one told me I was supposed to bring a potato salad. Shit. Now I have to boil some eggs in this freaking heat wave….See below for some updated hilarity about the supposed “event”.
In case you missed it, here is the original nonsense.
BREAKING: Democrats Plan To Launch Civil War On July 4th https://t.co/38AWiUFaag
— Alex Jones (@RealAlexJones) July 1, 2018
In his weak bid for relevance and publicity, Jones forgot one simple thing: He’s ridiculous. Here’s an update on how the Twitter-world views this idiotic proclamation.
#secondcivilwarletters Dearest wife,
We were besieged on all sides with the dankest of memes from the 2nd Flying Pepe Battalion; however the siege lifted when the owner of a Thai/Mexican fusion restaurant denied service to Field Marshall Stephen Miller. Pls refill iTunes account— Craig Jordan Potter (@Cjpotter2112) July 3, 2018
Dear Mom and dad,
The war is going well. The MAGA’s launched a barrage of red hats at us yesterday, but we retaliated by making them read books. They’ve created an image of strength but are very weak. We will win.
Send my love to Roscoe.
Love,
Sam#SecondCivilWarLetters— Sam Bova (@sam_bova) July 3, 2018
Dear Pa,
Rations are dwindling. Morale is low.
The Trump supporters we captured refused to share bathrooms with our trans troops.
We told them it was either that or they could piss in their own corn meal and eat it.
And they did. To “own the libs”.
— Charlotte Clymer?️? (@cmclymer) July 3, 2018
My love,
Spying on a battalion of MAGA. Their red hats have faded to pink in the sun causing chaos in the ranks. Soldiers are yelling "bad guy with a gun" and shooting each other.
Will be home by Labor Day.#secondcivilwarletters
— Charlotte (@factsarefact12) July 3, 2018
Dear kids,
I want u to know I am out here fighting for u. This war will not take too long. The red hats are easy to find and we keep tricking them. Cause we're white. And they think we lost our hats. We say they fell off in there (pointing to a cage).They go in. B home by din— Amber mcanallen Hark (@amberjademac1) July 3, 2018
In our area we won the Citizenship Test, Spelling Bee, American Hx. The big battle tomorrow paintball and karaoke. May the Force be with us. Send more beer.
— Carol Riner Jones (@CarolRinerJones) July 3, 2018
Alex this is a lie. I’m trying 2 understand if u know that or if u somehow believe this is true. UR hurting people. I know it feels so good 2B popular & U want to feed that but Alex u have to stop ur gonna get people killed. ♥️ https://t.co/d02MJoozej
— Sarah Silverman (@SarahKSilverman) July 2, 2018
Gawd, I LOVE Democrats!! Happy Independence Day!!
Here are some more great tweets from Twitter.
Dearest,
I hope this finds you as I am at 4% battery life. I have been captured and I am at a Trump Rally. It is a sight. 1000 people and 65 teeth. I hope I survive.
Love,
— Tony Posnanski (@tonyposnanski) July 3, 2018
My dearest,
We were despondent over news their army was the largest ever, however, when we met on the battlefield there were only 12 many of whom had forgotten to cut eye holes in their hood. #secondcivilwar— Liam Dixon (@Dixonwins) July 3, 2018
My Love,
The #SecondCivilWar is going better than I had hoped.
Melania has retreated, and we have captured Pence. We are making him watch Queer Eye.
The MAGATs are dying, largely of diabetes & inability to read prescription labels.
Be Home Soon,
— Anne Boleyn (@boelyn_anne) July 3, 2018
Sorry. I can’t participate in the #SecondCivilWar tomorrow. I have bone spurs. But I can throw paper towels out of a moving vehicle if anyone needs me.
— JEN KIRKMAN (@JenKirkman) July 3, 2018
Is the second Civil War still a go? I only have it penciled in…need confirmation from the Deep State. #secondcivilwar pic.twitter.com/zzOsEa2WaA
— ML Swift (@mlswift1) July 3, 2018
War is hell:
Boot camp did not prepare me for this. War is hell. #secondcivilwar pic.twitter.com/d1hzL9hkpq
— DI$ARM the NRA (@Trumpalump) July 3, 2018
This one is the one to remember:
Hey guys the word got out about our #secondcivilwar
It’s been rescheduled for Tuesday November 6. Mark your calendar! #BlueWave2018
— Lesser known Jen (@LesserKnownJen) July 3, 2018
