One failing film doth not a movie star make. Donald Trump spent enough time in his weird niche of television to where he should have picked up some general information but no, he has not. Melania’s movie has made around $7 million at this point which means that it’s only $68 million dollars short of breaking even — fuggedabout a profit, we’re just looking at the Herculean task of Melania not losing money. Barring some extreme financial miracle, Melania will continue to lose money. But that doesn’t stop Trump from bragging about it like it was Titanic, ET or The Godfather.
Trump speaking to troops in NC:
And now Melania is a movie star. Can you believe? She did a movie. It's the hottest thing you've ever—it's crazy. Congratulations, btw. Very good. You know who loves that movie? The ladies. They go to see it 3-4 times pic.twitter.com/nQDqlzoWoZ
— Republicans against Trump (@RpsAgainstTrump) February 13, 2026
They go see it three and four times because that’s how many tickets the GOP bought at the last minute when theaters were sitting empty. Then they began bussing in people from nursing homes and retirement communities.
But maybe being a “movie star” is the personal gag between Donald and Melania. Maybe he said to her years ago, “I’ll make you First Lady,” and she laughed in his face. Then she said, “Do it, then I can be on the cover of Vogue.” So he did it and no Vogue cover. Plus, she hated the job, hence the “I Really Don’t Care Do U?” coat of fable, which established Melania’s character for all time.
Then Donald said: “I’ll make you a movie star.” And she laughed in his face. Then along came Jeff Bezos with A-list star money for Melania and she stopped laughing and fell in love with the idea. Ka-ching! Those cash registers do make music!
And this new gig is perfect for her, whereas being First Lady never was. She doesn’t have to do anything, just show up in front of the cameras, and she gets big money. Every other actor getting that kind of cash has proven themselves as bankable talent but not Melania. She just is married to the right guy.
Since this was a documentary, I wonder if Melania joined the Screen Actors Guild and all that? Even getting into the actor’s union is a task which many labor diligently to achieve but again, it will be handed to Melania, for her Einstein-level talent in marrying the right guy. Hey, we all should get a payday(s) like Melania has gotten for being married to Donald, although it can certainly be argued that she has paid a price on other levels to get her pecuniary advantages.
And think of the bonus! Melania is supposedly fluent in all those languages and soon she will have her voice dubbed in Italian, French, German, whatever the lie is, and she will hear herself speaking those languages! Hey, this is a deal that can’t be beat! Next time the naysayers ask about the foreign languages, Melania just whips out a copy of the right CD.
Finally, it strikes me as tasteless that Trump would tell a group of servicemen that his wife’s film “is the hottest” but then this is how things go in Trump world.
So who’s next? Pam Bondi in her own documentary, “Fuck You?” Or Kristi Nome in her epic, “I make hard decisions, I shoot people routinely or order them shot?” Okay, it’s a long title but we’ll start with “I Shoot.” How about “I Shoot” and “Fuck You” on a double bill? C’mon man, as Joe Biden would say, that’s got to be a winner, especially at the drive-in in some rural town.
Get in line, Trump is starmaking. Maybe he can even find the right sofa to match J.D.’s eyeshadow and get the love lights flashing.
She’s less of a movie star than her more intellectual rival, Stormy Daniels.
Which is appropriate, she’s ‘acted’ far less, and when she has, she’s not been as good at acting as the porno movie star. Melanoma’s ‘acting ability’ is generally agreed to not be as good as the average porn star, a role for which she’s perhaps better suited, given her ‘modeling’ history.
Countdown into ‘Melania deserves an Oscar’ in 3,2,1…
Doesn’t porn have their own version? Maybe she could win whatever porn calls their trophies for MILF porn. Except no one would watch that either!
“And think of the bonus! Melania is supposedly fluent in all those languages and soon she will have her voice dubbed in Italian, French, German, whatever the lie is, and she will hear herself speaking those languages! Hey, this is a deal that can’t be beat! Next time the naysayers ask about the foreign languages, Melania just whips out a copy of the right CD.”
Just a nitpick but documentaries usually just rely on subtitles for foreign distribution except for narration work. If you watch a lot of documentary or quasi-documentary programming (History Channel, National Geographic, the Science Channel, etc), there’s typically an unseen host narrating but, if someone’s being interviewed, that person’s voice is unchanged in their native language while someone else’s voice is translating the interview to the language for the target audience. For this dumpster fire to be shown in Slovenia, the locals in that theater will most likely hear Melania speaking that form of English she speaks while the distributor will provide for subtitles to appear on screen rather than going through the ADDED cost (to them, mind you) of hiring various voice actors (I can’t imagine any actual film stars lending their voices since they won’t get paid nearly what they would make for actually performing in front of the cameras) to dub the various people in the “film.” Adding subtitles to a film is usually far less costly than dubbing and it can also be done in the country of the original production (rather than risking some prankster sticking in jokes that would undermine the narrative).