So, as all know, Donald Trump is into rebranding things, or – at least, going back to old names that he prefers. He has kicked reporters out of the Oval Office over renaming the body of water that is currently – as I type, crashing in the surf about fifty yards away, the “Gulf of America,” even though as I look out at the vista and point south over the waters and… yep, hit Cuba and Mexico, hence the “Gulf of Mexico” that we all learned while growing up. Never changes. But see names are a thing because we typically take them up and then ask that others abide by our choices. In those circumstances when a person rejects “our” choice and simply “labels” us according to their desires, it is an almost violent rejection – personal and arrogant, surely the reason why the Trump administration has vested so much energy into renaming things. He is president and that is a lot of power. But he may not get away with transforming the great mountain, “Denali” in Alaska, back to Mt. McKinley, much as he tries. Alaskans are a bit too independent and proud to be so easily culled and Sen. Lisa Murkowski – always a sophisticated foe, is calling Trump out.
Why someone would even want to go deep into the weeds to resurrect McKinley is beyond me, but with respect to Trump it surely has something to do with the “Because I think I can do it and it will upset you, so why wouldn’t I?” feel to it:
U.S. Senator Lisa Murkowski (R-Alaska) today introduced legislation that would officially designate North America’s highest mountain as Denali, the name bestowed by Alaska’s Koyukon Athabascans. The bill would require that any reference in U.S. laws, maps, regulations, or other records refer to the mountain as Denali.
“In Alaska, it’s Denali,” Senator Murkowski said. “Once you see it in person, and take in the majesty of its size and breathe in its cold air, you can understand why the Koyukon Athabascans referred to it as ‘The Great One.’ This isn’t a political issue – Alaskans from every walk of life have long been advocating for this mountain to be recognized by its true name. That’s why today I once again introduced legislation that would officially keep this mountain’s quintessential name, ‘Denali.’”
Any time society has something it collectively references as “the Great One,” you probably shouldn’t f**k with it, changing the name from Denali back to whatever would be as stupid as someone in Canada trying to change Gretzky’s name (the other “Great One”). These are iconic as applied to icons. If you’ve got the icon, you’re entitled to whatever you want. Alaskans have Denali, they get to name it – and good on them for going with the old school name, the Native Alaskan name, not the name of the guy that paid for the state.
Getting back to this renaming stuff thing. It really shouldn’t surprise us at all that it holds tremendous appeal to the Trump administration and to MAGA culture generally. The movement rules by claim of right, fiat, as close to a God-given, God-recognized, right as one might imagine in modern America. It is aggressive, it is in your face, it is unapologetic, it is smug, and extremely satisfied with itself – what could possibly be better than to walk around telling you what it intends to call everyone or everything around, you liberal POS? How does that feel?
Because that’s the intent here. I used the word violent above and perhaps should not have done so, reserving “violent” and all connotations for that which can kill. And yet, we know the power of names and labels. Our language’s worst, most unforgivable, word is a name that came about due to rancid racism scraping the board, a word so powerful that it can and should end careers. Names and labels matter. Murkowski knows it, and this move is personal for her:
Senator Murkowski has long advocated for the mountain to officially be called “Denali,” having introduced this legislation in three previous Congresses. In 2015, the Department of the Interior returned its official designation to “Denali.”
Last month, President Trump signed an executive order titled “Restoring Names That Honor American Greatness,” which directed the Secretary of the Interior to change the name of the mountain to “Mount McKinley.”
Yes, names matter, greatly. They evoke emotions, good or bad – it’s why we have play names for those we love and constantly rename that which we hate. Planting a hated name on an adversary may, in some circumstances, constitute a brilliant strategy, even a military one, perhaps part of a larger plan to destabilize something or a situation. Forcing a name on someone can also be just as rude as conceivable with no redeeming value beyond the schadenfreude in hurting someone. Looked at that way, it does approach being “violent” in nature.
So get used to it. The Gulf of Mexico is the same body of water, regardless of name. It sounds less romantic when referenced as the “Gulf of America” – and I don’t think it’s just because of the beautiful sun-splashed connotations of Old Mexico. Because the other thing about names, particularly ones that society as a whole grants, they are often earned as a label of love, “the Great One” – as but an example. “Denali” is almost surely another. They’re going to really want to be careful on this one. When one is violently going about rebranding the world to fit your order, be very careful about yanking names bestowed with love and loyalty to be replaced by your whimsical bullshit, or you may well have a fight on your hands, one you won’t win. Sit back and envision a fight, Alaskans versus Trump on Denali versus McKinley. Which side is motivated to fight to the end? Which side knows it is right? Alaskans will win this every time and that’s why Murkowski is taking this to the bank.
Smart. Regardless, don’t mess with names. The Trump administration is “going there” precisely because the effort evokes so much emotion, and they’re the only ones that control the national registry of “sh*t to name” – so they win every time, in a sense. But we all lose to a certain extent. Often, names come about because there’s simply general agreement by which to call things There was general agreement on Denali, the Gulf of Mexico, etc. making this effort, the extensive one now being put forth by the Trump administration, to be one of destabilization. Talk about a tough balance, holding tight to our right to name things properly and not be dictated to, but checked against intentionally destabilizing the country.
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Someday when Trump is dead and gone I want to see the renaming of Mar A Lago. The grand lady who built it envisioning it as eventually becoming a ‘Winter White House’ or at least formal Presidential retreat, a sort of coastal Camp David would have been appalled that a classless asshole like Trump would get his hands on it.
So here’s my proposal. Shut the place down and put up gigantic neon signs on all for sides of the property that read “Smarm A Lago.’ For a couple of years so countless pictures get taken. Then raze the whole thing to the ground. Then erect a monument. The monument would be a WAY larger replication of the pile of dinosaur spoor we saw in Jurassic Park – the one where Jeff Goldblum’s character said “That’s on big pile of shit.” Make the sucker fifteen or even twenty feet tall. And flying above an updated version of the Trump baby balloon, where he’s in a squatting pose and the diaper’s backside is a color of brown to match the pile on the ground. Finally, there would be an extra special set of restrooms for visitors. They’d be on an elevated platform (with a long ramp to accommodate those with disabilities like me) with all the waste flowing into a tube that carries it to a fake gold toilet on the side with Trump’s face on it. And flows onto Trump’s face before hitting the monument. There’s be a drain down into the actual sewer line of course. Workers could hose the human waste off as needed and for sanitation scrub the thing with proper cleaners at night.
Copyright that. STAT!
Now I have to clean the damn keyboard, spit my coffee, laughing! Brilliant!