You Get What You Pay For. But Trump Also Gets What He Deserves

Tick-Tock. Monday morning jury selection begins in the Trump election interference case in Manhattan. Just a little earning for y’all. Don’t bother looking for any likely first day fireworks, with reporters running frantically from the courtroom to breathlessly spread the news.

Mainly because there will be almost no reporters in the courtroom on Monday, nor likely Tuesday or Wednesday either. Nothing sinister there, it’s a simple matter of courtroom logistics. The latest plan I’ve heard is that Judge Merchan plans to call about 40 prospective witness at a time, which will basically fill the courtroom spectator seating area. Then he’ll ask them en masse a series of about 40 questions compiled by himself, and the prosecution and defense attorneys. Once the herd is culled down, individual voir dire will commence.

Instead there is an overflow room set up for the media, with a live feed from the courtroom. But considering that the faces and identities of the prospective jurors are being concealed, the feed into the media room will be about as exciting as watchin g mayflies mate. Other than Trump defense antics, I wouldn’t look for much of anything to come out of the trial until opening arguments, when the media will be allowed back in.

But it seems that every time this ass clown sends his flying monkeys into court, they keep making legal history. Most legal experts and experienced NY lawyers have stated today that they’ve never seen a criminal defendant make three emergency motions to the appellate court in three days, before the trial has even started. Needless to say they’ve gone 0-3. Court experts and analysts used words like unprecedented and unfortunate, while a couple of the less kindly inclined used words like childish, and pathetic.

Welcome to the world of the Trump defense. The newly gone, but not lamented, at least by me, OJ Simpson had the dream Team for his defense in his murder trial. This was pure bullsh*t propaganda put out by the defense, most of them were criminally inexperienced with room temperature IQ’s. The best of the lot was NY DNA expert Barry Scheck. But at least they won.

Trump has the Scrub Team working for him. In sports, the scrub team are the guys who sit at the end of the bench, and only get in the game in the last five minutes, and only when the team is either up or down by like 30 points. They’re there for two reasons. First, Traitor Tot asked them. And second, and more importantly, knowing Trump’s legal history, they negotiated lucrative pay-for-play contracts. The minute Traitor Tot’s retainer reaches $0, he has 48 hours to pony up, or they ride off into the sunset.

El Pendejo Presidente is stuck with these legal koi for two reasons. First, with his pathetic payment history for legal services, no white shoe law firm would touch him with fire tongs. And even if His Lowness was to turn the key and open the RNC treasury to a white shoe law firm to represent him, they still wouldn’t touch him with fire tongs. because he is mentally and ideologically incapable of following legal advice and shutting the f*ck up! These firms have a reputation to protect and uphold, and Trump is a legal suicide vest, both in the media as well as the courtroom.

So what The Cheeto Prophet ends up with fighting for his reputation and freedom are a bunch of third rate opportunists. They have neither the experience nor the skills for a defense like this. But they’re grabbing the gold ring. A financial windfall like this isn’t going to come around again, and they’re landing on it with both feet. And Hair Twitler’s tactic of delay, delay, delay is music to their ears, and shekels in the cash box, since it means more billable hours, both in court and out. What do they care if it’s a legal farce, a waste of time, and a stain on their characters and reputations. CHA-CHING! But if they think that defending Il Douche is going to be a gold star on their resume, they’re conning  themselves. What they’re doing instead is prostituting their dignity, their self respect, and their profession.

Two perfect examples. In the E Jean Carroll defamation case, Joe Tacopenis was the worst possible choice for a defense attorney. Tacopeanuts is an old school, pompous, arrogant defense attorney whose only playbook for a case involving sexual assault is victim shaming. He tried that sh*t with the demure, quiet, composed Carroll,  and the jury slammed his churlish behavior with an $80 million spanking. You tell me, how does that look on his resume?

And if Trump requires one thing from his attorney’s, it’s brash arrogance and aggression. And boy did he get that in his civil fraud case with Christina Bobb. In defending Trump, Bobb often took an agressive, and often insulting attitude towards Judge Engoron. But here’s the McFuggin. There was no jury sitting in the courtroom for her to impress with her newly discovered balls. Just Judge Engoron. And Bobb is still comparatively young. She practices and is barred in New York state. And what client wants to hire Bobb to represent him in a federal case being heard by Judge Engogon, going in knowing that the judge already has a score to settle with her?

All of which royally pisses me off! Because when Trump goes down, on all of these cases, I want him represented by a whole defense table of Ty Cobbs, and their best assistants. All of these cases are basically documents cases, which are notoriously hard to lose, since documents don’t lie. I don’t want him to be able to go running to an appellate court, and claiming incompetence of counsel. 

But alas, tis not to be. It is what it is, and Trump is being defended by the people that his own conduct shackled him with. But in its own way, it’s poetic justice, isn’t it? After all, when Satan goes on trial, who can defend him but a bunch of 3rd rate demons and imps. Don’t touch that dial.I thank you for the privilege of your time.