Another day, another travesty in Trump World. GOP strategist Steve Schmidt put in his two cents worth, commenting on today’s historical tableau in the Oval Office consisting of:
1. Chuck Schumer openly laughing in Trump’s face,
2. Nancy Pelosi needlingTrump with all the finesse of a matador maneuvering a bull with a muleta, before the final plunge to the aorta;
and as if that wasn’t captivating enough,
3. Mike Pence evidently fell asleep while praying for The Rapture to rescue him.
Here’s a partial transcript of Schmidt’s take on the “fund the wall or else” festivities. Trump as tough guy did not play out. Trump as dummy-out-of-his-league-trying-to-bluff, did, and this afternoon’s meeting was a harbinger of more absurdities to come when the new congress begins doing its job in January.
Schmidt: “They’re [Schumer and Pelosi] chess players sitting across from a checkers player. Everything they needed to prevail in the fight they put on the table today, from branding this the “Trump Shut Down”…After two years of non stop lying, nonsense, if the president is going to try to produce a show in the Oval Office, to be packaged, pulled apart, for the propaganda effort that will commence this evening on Fox, why not? And so, when Donald Trump is sitting there, why not say, ‘You deployed the United States military near the border for a publicity stunt. Wasn’t it Mexico who was going to pay for the wall, why have you failed to deliver on that promise?’
“This is the nonsense that must go on behind closed doors when he sits with leaders from other nations. Can you imagine him sitting across from the president of China, from Vladimir Putin, from the British Prime Minister, from the Canadian Prime Minister, what a fool they must think he is.”
“Imagine sitting across from that, when you see the bluster, the acting, the ignorance, the casual lying, all of it on full display for the American people. It’s not just the investigations, it’s not just that the economy is showing signs of cratering, it’s that he sees the walls closing in on all of it. Increasingly, he sees no place to run. He is fighting out of a very small,diminishing corner with this type of stunt today.”
Schmidt, speaking on an MSNBC panel with Nicole Wallace and Elise Jordan, then addressed the issue of what the hell was going on with Mike Pence?
“If you sit like that on a commercial airliner, what will happen is all the flight attendants will have a meeting up front to decide which one is going to check his pulse,” said Schmidt.
“Mike Pence looks like he’s at a strip club — he’s horrified,” said Jordan.
“I want whatever he’s taken, that’s some kind of Zen,” said Wallace.
“What’s amazing is he can keep his entire body so perfectly still, we see slight movement in the head — incredible posture,” said Schmidt.
Now bear in mind, Mike Pence has had a very stressful week and it’s only Tuesday. Pence’s chief of staff, Nick Ayers, was offered the position of Trump’s chief of staff, and he turned it down. Do you have any idea what that means? In Trump’s Mafia-esque ideology, Pence is Trump’s underboss, and some lousy capo of his, Ayers, has the nerve to refuse an honor that Don Don himself has proffered? How is this possible? Pence would doubtlessly rather find himself alone in a fun house of rooms with a harem of clown women than to be alone with Trump and feel his wrath for even a few minutes — a sit down which was undoubtedly scheduled for right after the meeting with Schumer and Pelosi. If Pence looks dead, it’s because he was so profoundly wishing that he was already.
Shhh, now. Here’s a secret. Pence hasn’t been sleeping too well lately, because Satan keeps showing up to talk about bills coming due, and such like. Here’s an Official Satanic Transcript of the Oval Office meeting that took place in a dimension that Pence can now see and hear.
TRUMP: WALL! You can’t have border security without WALL!
PELOSI: Nope.
SCHUMER: Actual experts say Dipshit’s wall is real dumb.
TRUMP: WALL!
PELOSI: Y’all notice how fucked up the stock market is lately?
TRUMP: Lowest unemployment in the past 50 years!
PELOSI: LOL not in the Republican wing of the House of Representatives!
TRUMP: I WINNED THE SENATE! NOBODY EVER SAYS I WINNED THE SENATE!
SCHUMER: Look at champ over here bragging about Republicans winning Indiana and North Dakota.
TRUMP: I DID WINNED THOSE STATES!
SCHUMER AND PELOSI IN UNISON: Bitch please.
TRUMP: WALL! CARAVAN! TERRORISTS! DISEASES! Also Nancy Pelosi is too weak to talk right now.
PELOSI: Can’t hear you, thinking about how we just won the biggest Democratic landslide in the House since Watergate. Funny, right? Anyway, can we please meet in private now so we don’t have to call the president a fucking idiot to his face on TV? Kinda feels like punching a wounded puppy, TBH.
Poor Pence. It’s bad enough that he keeps hearing the flapping of leathery wings, and seeing shadows out of the corners of his eyes, but now there’s a new voice, a tiny insistent one, that says, “Pssst, Mike, you’ll be in a cell with Trump for all of eternity, what do you think of that? Even Mother will dump you, then.”
He should have listened to Franklin and become a preacher and screw politics. The real money’s in fundie televangelism anyways. Then he’d be in South America with pool boys and not have to put up with any of this bullshit.
