I’m serious. When the latest iteration of Trump’s pathetic attempt to use a combover to hide his baldness debuted I thought to myself “It looks like they glued a hair covered frisbee to his head.” For the record I’m a bald guy. It ran on both sides of my family and I knew I’d go balk in my 20s. So there. I’ll take cheap shots at guys who’s attempts to hide their baldness with ridiculous combovers whenever I want. With Trump? Well he’s long been quite a target of opportunity! Take a look. Tell me his new hairstyle doesn’t look like he’s wearing a frisbee covered with hair.
This guy is so freaking vain. I’ve read plenty of reports about it taking 45 minutes to an hour every day for his stylist to get his hair “just right” then try to lock it in place with industrial grade lacquer of some sort. Maybe it’s the fumes that have taken their toll on his mental faculties. Not that there was more than average there to begin with. In any case we know from no less than (onetime at least) wannabe Princess Ivanka that the “styling” of Trump’s hair is quite the process. In an article from The Guardian it’s revealed author Michael Wolfe learned about the process because Ivanka mocked her dad’s efforts so often and to too many people. That’s how he got wind of it:
According to the book, Trump then brushes his hair by bringing it all up from the front and sides, before locking it into place with a stiffening spray. In addition, his doctor has said that Trump takes the hair-loss drug finasteride, which has been linked with several physical, psychological and ejaculatory side-effects.
That’s not all that’s in the article. I enjoyed this bit too:
Dare I ask about the colour? Of his hair? Of course. The book claims that Trump uses Just for Men, a product that darkens the longer it’s left in.
But his hair isn’t dark at all. Well spotted. Apparently, Trump doesn’t have the patience to leave it in for the full length of time. In summary, the president of the United States has such a short attention span that he can’t wait long enough to stop his hair being the colour of dehydrated camel urine.
I don’t know about you but for me that second part was priceless! It’s no surprise Trump would be impatient. But the snarky crack about “colour of dehydrated camel urine?” Damn. That’s something I’d love to see Trump’s reaction to hearing. Other publications couldn’t resist getting in on the fun. For example Newsweek posted their own article which included some pointed barbs from various people on social media such as:
 “It is quite obvious from this photo that TFG [The Former Guy] is mostly bald. That bad combover isn’t fooling anyone.”
“Did he forget to put on his orange hairpiece?” a confused user asked, while a second said: “What’s happened to his hair?”
The jabs continued to flow, with one poking: “His hair arranging team must be off today,” while someone added: “Someone new is in charge of hair and makeup?”
Others pointed out that his forehead looks peculiar in the image: “They LITERALLY photoshopped away his forehead. Wtf,” and “What did they do to his forehead? Bizarre.”
I actually think there’s a simpler explanation. Let’s start with the fact that Trump has quite a bit more on his plate these days than a burnt steak or a couple of fast food “hamberders” and fries. Between four pending criminal trials, civil lawsuits (and scrambling to come up with money for lawyer’s bills and paying civil judgements) and trying to campaign for President he just doesn’t have time to sit in the chair for an hour, sometimes more than once a day for his stylist to do his/her thing. Not to mention he’s got to be extra fidgety and lurching about to point at people and shout orders, or shove food into his fat mouth. That last thing he needs is to get “pithed” like a lab frog with a pair of scissors stabbed through the side of his skull. At the very least there’s got to be a real danger of getting a serious skull laceration from the scissors, or a brush scaping across an eyeball. So despite his vanity Trump had to come up with a faster (and safer) method of doing his hair.
By heating and reshaping (a bit) a frisbee and gluing a wig dyed to the right color to it, then supergluing a patch of velcro to the bottom then all they need to do is use some theatrical gunk like they use for fake beards for actors to stick a piece of velcro on Trump’s head in the morning. And mash the hair covered frisbee onto it! Easy peasy, and five minutes tops. (a little re-fluffing of the hair would be needed)
Really. Take a good look and tell me I’m not onto something. I’d love to hear other’s thoughts on this.
(Again, for anyone who thinks I’m being mean if you look at my pic/avatar here on Politizoom that’s me. Shiny bald head and all and that picture is at least 25 years old! For years I had so little hair on top of my head I’d get sunburned all the time if I wasn’t careful. Because of my height if I was standing up it looked like I had short hair but when not standing it was apparent there was damned near no hair on top. Since I knew growing up I’d go bald and do so early I was never self-conscious about it. I came to realize two things as I approached 40. First was that I had really short hair (as described) to begin with when I was twenty six and got my head shaved by the Marine barber – and realized I didn’t really look much different! The second was how much money I was wasting visiting a barber to get (mostly) the hair on the sides of my head trimmed like I saw my dad do. Hence going shaved head. But I’ve made fun of bald/balding guys who try to hide it with bad combovers or wigs/toupees for over four decades. Like I said, Trump is too easy and too deserving of being a target to pass up!)
Men other than actors (who need stylists in order to portray their characters) who use stylists other than a once every month or two haircut, are not really men-they are women. Sorry folks, this behavior is pretty vain for women but absolutely unfathomable and asinine when practiced daily by men.
Wow. Misandrist AND misogynist in the same comment. Congratulations. I didn’t know you had it in you. (Surprised you managed to refrain yourself from adding homophobic in the mix–although your contention that “real men” don’t need hair care is just a touch away from it.)
Maybe for YOU it’s “unfathomable and asinine” but YOU ain’t the ruler of the world, sugar. Keep your fascist ideas to yourself.
I mean, seriously, what makes you any different from that “misogynist Trump voter” in the other story, who believes that a “lack of balls” disqualifies Haley?
I was of the mind that Trump’s hair was the result of two muskrats fighting to the death and the loser ends up on top of his head.
‘Pithed’ ith a good dethcription – he’th full of pith
I used to have hair like Roger Daltrey in Tommy. It got sheared off in boot camp. I grew it back after I got out and was living in a farmhouse in Oregon. Over the years I developed a bald spot…I now get a zero buzz cut once a month…looking like I’m back in boot camp. Given the low cost, the low maintenance, and my ‘could give a shit’ attitude, I wouldn’t go back even if I had the choice. Any woman who pretends she loves you because of your hair, your money, your job, your looks, your car, your muscles, or your status doesn’t really love the best aspects of being a man. She’ll walk when she thinks she finds someone with better hair. I can’t speak to those who are gay, but shallowness doesn’t lead to true loyalty or intimacy. Trump is a caricature of a human being in every aspect. His fake hair is a symptom of an empty shell.
Ok,, now about his make-up. Looks like someone took a baby’s diaper and smeared it all over his face lately. Anyone else notice this?
Why a baby diaper? Just use one of his.
Maybe he can try the spray-on hair flocking that Stephen Miller used.
That was VERY realistic.
He actually doesn’t have a combover. When they started doing plastic surgery to correct male pattern baldness, one of the techniques they used for men with severely receding hairlines was to cut the scalp just behind where the hairline should be and another behind where the hair was still growing thickly. They then pulled the scalp forward so the thick hair was at the forehead. The problem was they didn’t make any correction for the natural receding hair at the temple so the hair after surgery never looked natural. Trump had this surgery. In order to make it look less odd b/c he doesn’t have the natural recessions on the temples, I think he’s trying to hide it by flopping that hair over like that. I was a surgeons assistant back in the day so I’ve seen the surgery and the Trumps hair looks is how it turned out. B/c it’s so odd looking they didn’t do this technique for very long. Couple years at the most.They now transplant hair follicles and it’s much more natural looking.