Is there a record producer in the house? It’s occurred to me that we could make some kind of an audio book out of Donald Trump’s Greatest Sir Stories, because they are getting on the wild side. I mean, they are leaving the solar system right now and headed out to some unknown quadrant of the galaxy, they are getting so far fetched and beyond belief. If you’re just now checking into the blog for the day, you may have missed Trump’s “Sir story” about how he puts his pants on every day. That was plenty weird.

But nowhere near as weird as this. In the clip you’re about to hear, he is the bestest of all the presidents of all time. Be grateful that this nation is only 240-some years old, because if were an empire as old as the Romans or the Egyptians, any of that, you would be hearing Sir stories about how Trump could beat Alexander the Great at arm wrestling, (of course he would be crying) while getting twenty women pregnant in one night (who would all be crying) so as to lead the quest against the Persian empire, (which was crying) or what have you. Trump is seriously nuts. Or, he’s on drugs. Or both.

This was in Mason City, Iowa today, which was his second stop. He was two hours late getting on stage. Nobody is sure why and I’m looking around to see if I can find out. But it occurs to me, seriously, that he might have been late because he’s just losing it. He can’t pull it together to make these appearances. Speaking of Lincoln, he’s in Iowa this week.

People kvetch about how old Joe Biden is. Yes, Joe is 81. But he’s a fit, trim 81. And he’s in a good marriage. Not to mention his right mind. He has a family that loves him. He doesn’t have 91 felony counts and indictments in four separate jurisdictions hanging over his head. He doesn’t have to beg on social media for donations to pay legal bills and private debts.

Trump, on the other hand, will be 78 in five months, is morbidly obese, and has his life in a shambles. He can deny all of it by going out and riding around in his golf cart, but that doesn’t mean that the wheels of justice aren’t grinding all the same, day in and day out.

Trump did all this to himself. He was a crook his entire life, but because he was nice to the right people (Manhattan D.A. Robert Morgenthau leaps to mind) he never got prosecuted. Prosecutors have to be realistic and select about what cases they put their budgets and their efforts behind. So Trump skated, year after year, decade after decade. But when you’re a former United States president and running for reelection as same, you can’t run. You can’t hide. You can’t leave it all behind. You have to face the music.

And on some level, Trump knows that. So that’s why I think he was late onstage. It’s getting to be harder and harder for him to do what he needs to do. And it’s only January 6, friends. He’s got to do this from now until November. I can’t see him being up for it. Here’s the kind of clips they played for the crowd while they were putting Trump together backstage, letting him throw ketchup bottles, whatever he was doing.

I think Trump may just collapse. I seriously do. And that’s fine. Then let DeSantis and Haley fight it out, or whomever Trump chooses as a running mate. Maybe that person would be on the GOP ticket. Maybe it could be Marjorie Taylor Greene. Can you see that happening?

Don’t rule it out. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in writing about Trump lo these many years, it is that Trump world is not only crazier than you know, it is crazier than you can even imagine.

Help keep the site running, consider supporting.

7 COMMENTS

  1. “Sir” Story? More like Sea Story.

    For those who don’t know, once upon a time was an active duty jarhead. A looooong time ago but I’m sure even today younger Marines hear older ones talk about “the old Corps” which as another saying goes is the Marine Corps you joined the day before the Marine you’re talking to enlisted. Anyway tall tales which sometimes contain an element of truth (and often not) had (and maybe still do) a name – Sea Stories. The best definition of Sea Story is: A fairy tale begins “Once upon a time” while a Sea Story begins with “You’re not gonna believe this shit!”

    Trump tells not just Sea Stories but outageoulsy bad ones. Yes, some are stupid enough to believe them but most instantly recognize them as the total bullshit they are!

    10

  2. In the 19th century the asylums filled with violent, delusional patients suffering from end-stage neuro-syphilis. It destroyed the lives and careers of several notables, who were ushered away from public view and ended their days in better circumstances. With his history and behavior, maybe someone we all know and love should be tested.

    3
    1

  3. Hey dumpy…if you’re Lincoln…better be on the lookout for a disgruntled citizen named John Wilkes Booth! You truly are a disgusting PIG!!!

    3
    1

    • I have hoped from the beginning of his *presidency that he would have a stroke that would leave him speechless and his thumbs unable to work.

  4. tRump spokesman Steven Cheung (who claims he is NOT from chinnnah!) released this statement:

    “pResident tRump has suspended his campaign for the time being because of important meetings he has scheduled with George Washington, Abraham Lincoln and Dolly Madison. The meetings are expected to last for at least two weeks and the campaign will be suspended until such time as pResident tRump completes his full and detailed report to the American people, as he has always done due to his belief in complete transparency and honesty.”

    Cheung would not take questions. But advisor Steve Miller said later that tRump would meet first with Dolly Madison, because he said, “With tears in her eyes, Dolly begged the pResident, ‘Sir, sir, you have to meet with me first because my husband was the best president ever before you, of course.’ ” Miller then went off to write his 579th version of the Muslim border ban legislation since 2017.

    5

  5. Ah, yes! The reminder that Trump gave all of Iowa those comforting words about the school shooting in Perry…”get over it!” It’s no excuse that he was clearly snuffling through his Adderall more than usual. I’m a little surprised Trump didn’t recommend releasing the hospital patients because wallowing in their wounds won’t help them move forward. And, the last thing Perry needs is a dead kid’s funeral. Instead, Trump could sell merch at the funeral home…”GET OVER IT! PERRY STRONG!” 🤬

    3

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

The maximum upload file size: 128 MB. You can upload: image, audio, video, document, spreadsheet, interactive, text, archive, code, other. Links to YouTube, Facebook, Twitter and other services inserted in the comment text will be automatically embedded. Drop files here