I honestly don’t know if I misunderstood something in my dotage, or if Trump is really that brazenly stupid. As I understand the story, Trump has set up an umbrella company (Michael Cohen and Stormy Daniels anyone?), and was trying to fast track it to an Initial Public Offering to take it public and sell stock. And to show good faith, he vowed that he had collected pledges of more than $1 billion from a diverse group of investors.
I have bruises since I can’t stop pinching myself on the arms. If this is true, I’m searching under the sofa cushions for loose change, because I haven’t seen a winner stock pick like this since the freakin’ Starbuck’s IPO! But seriously my friends, this story has more holes in it than a frigging wheel of Swiss cheese.
Howz this for starters? I’ll believe somebody actually gave Don the Con $1 billion when he walks on stage on national television dressed in a pair of Speedo’s, and jumps into a kiddie pool with a cool billion in it. Trump just had to sell the 99 year lease on his flagship DC hotel at a loss, simply because he was desperate for the cash.
Trump declined to name the investors. No shit. I wonder why? Considering the fact that no reputable bank would give him a souvenir logo pen, I’m betting that these people don’t realty want to have their rocks turned over. You know, like Saudi’s with bone saws, or Russian oligarchs.
Which leads us to a puzzle that vexes me. If Trump is actually trying to take this boondoggle public, he is going to have to follow SEC regulations, which means disclosing investor information. My best guess is that he’s using that $1 billion pledge as a flash roll to get him into the game without actually buying chips, and then counting on his gullible sheeple betting their 401k’s on his latest scam.
Which makes them idiots, since we actually have past performance to go on. After Trump got the Denver boot from social media for inciting a coup, he set out to create his own platform to compete with the big boys. And being Trump, he ever-hyped the shit out of it. And whenever the beta launch hit, it was a total debacle. Sweet Jesus, the ACA had a better rollout! Trump pulled it in complete humiliation. He took another half assed crack at it, which was met with a thunderous YAWN of enthusiasm. Look, even if Trump actually has a billion smackeroos, he isn’t going to waste it on programmers and webmasters, he’s gonna blow it on criminal defense attorneys.
But here’s the cherry on top. CA GOP congress creep Devin Nunes announced that he will be retiring from congress in January to become the new CEO for Trump’s latest criminal operation. Are you fucking kidding me?!? This is a man who is so stupid that he actually got caught making a “midnight run” to the White House to deliver a bullshit packet of info that a White House operative had given to him! His only real life interaction with social media has been suing Twitter and random Twitter users who posted nasty shit about him!
A few years ago, a friend asked me what I thought of Trump. I opened a kitchen drawer, reached in, grabbed a corkscrew, and held it up in front of him. Nothing needed to be said. Trump is totally transactional, and Trump. needs. money. And lots of it.
As we speak, the New York Attorney General is still investigating Trump and his company on civil violations. The Manhattan District Attorney already has Trump organization indictments in hand, his taxes in their hot little hands, and the best RICO lawyer in the country in his stable. The Fulton County, Georgia District Attorney is closing in on election fraud and possible RICO charges. Civil suits filed by Summer Zervos and others are proceeding to pre trial discovery. Trump doesn’t need a social media platform, he needs a miracle. But most of all, he needs money. And fat piles of money is what the media platform represents. Just another con.
Follow me on Twitter at @RealMurfster35