Trump FINALLY Has His “Roy Cohn.” The Idiot John Lauro

Take that badge off copper, and we’ll see how tough you are!   Famous last words

Everybody knows that Donald Trump has spent his entire life looking for his own personal Roy Cohn, the hard drinking, disgraced, disbarred lawyer who worked with his father, and gave the kernel of his business persona, Never back up, never back off, and never back down. And after all these years, he’s finally found him. And I can already tell that this is not going to work out well.

Trump lead attorney John Lauro had his first date with federal judge Tanya Chutkan today, and we’ll be polite and say it didn’t go well. Personally I don’t know how Lauro managed to walk into court without wearing one of those anonymous Lions fans paper bag over his head with the two eye holes cut in it. Not after his arrogant and frankly insulting demand for an April 2026 trial date when asked a serious question by the judge. But Lauro hadn’t even run his Roy Cohn freak flag up the pole yet.

According to former US Attorney Glen Kirschner, who was in the courtroom for MSNBC, when invited to speak, Lauro started off loud and aggressive, and only got louder and more aggressive as he went on. In fact, twice during his tantrum defending his autocratic demand for an April 2026 trial date, Judge Chutkan twice had to admonish him to Please turn the temperature down, Counselor. Lauro theatrically refused to move one day from his April 2026 trial date.

What theatrical bullsh*t. It’s not like Lauro had anything to be impassioned about, it’s a preliminary hearing for Christsakes! And Lauro is no Atticus Fitch, defending an innocent black 17 year old in To Kill A Mockingbird. He’s defending a billionaire criminal scum bag who tried to overthrow his own government. And Lauro is so passionate about Trump that Traitor Tot had to turn over $1 million fat boys just to get Lauro in the door. What Lauro reminded me most of is illegitimate Supreme Court justice Brewski Brett Kavanaugh, who thrilled His Lowness with a tearful temper tantrum to start his Senate confirmation hearing.

Calmly but firmly, Judge Chutkan, who has tried defense cases in federal court, told the pouting Lauro that You and I have very different ideas of how long it takes to prepare for a single defendant, four count indictment trial. And then she sent him to his room by announcing that jury selection would begin on March 4, 2024. She then told both sides that there would be a number of pre-trial status hearings, and invited their input. Whereupon the whiner bag stomped his foot and replied, With a trial schedule like this, we don’t need any status hearings. Chutkan invited input from the prosecutors, pointed at the brat, and said You can check the court calendar on the website for the status hearing dates. Then she gaveled the hearing to a close and went back to her chambers, likely to pop two Tylenol.

I’m sure that Trump was ecstatic with the performance, thinking he’s finally getting his moneys worth out of somebody, not realizing that his lawyer just crucified him in court to score style points. If Lauro had played the game, and proposed some realistic dates, he might have gotten a May or June trial date, and hoped to delay it from there. Instead he pulled a d*ck move, and Chutkan paid him back with as early of a trial date as she could realistically manage.

In John Lauro, FrankenTrump has finally found his legal imbecile soulmate. If you’re a junior executive on the rise, and get an invitation to play golf with the CEO, you can do one of two things. You can miss just enough shots to narrowly lose, and then kiss the CEO’s ass, or you can stomp the CEO by 11 strokes, and go back to the office to find that there is a sudden executive opening in the mail room that desperately needs filling. Lauro just stomped the CEO by 11 strokes.

Judges have three things, ego, a judicial persona, and all the power. Judges don’t have to get pissed off and throw fits, they can serve revenge Shakespeare style, cold. There are two simple ways for a judge to make a defense attorney, and by extension his clients life a living hell.

First, the judge can dress down the lawyer in front of the jury, instead of sending the jury out before sanctioning him or her. This is poison because it demeans the lawyers legitimacy in the eyes of the jury. After all, how good can the guy be when the judge is whacking him around like a pizza crust? Second, the judge can surgically make a series of bad rulings on non appellate issues, putting the lawyer and his client in the hurt locker.

Personally, from everything I’ve seen and heard, there is no reason to believe that judge Chutkan is that petty or shallow. But by all accounts she is strict. So far she spanked Lauro twice, first with an early trial date, and second by not even offering the courtesy of having her court clerk call or e-mail Lauro with the status hearing dates, instead leaving it up to him to have some junior flunky keep an eye on the court calendar. But remember, this was just a preliminary hearing. If Lauro tries that sh*t in front of a jury, he may need a sling to get his ass out of the courtroom. Don’t touch that dial.