“The Teflon Don” Doesn’t Fit Trump Anymore. But I have A New One

Brother, can you spare a dime?   Depression era slogan

I have previously written that one of the best things about the rulings in the E Jean Carroll and NY AG fraud civil cases was that it would give us a rare window into the murky and Byzantine Trump finances. Mainly because Trump was responding to legal rulings and orders, and his responses would also be in writing, which would become public record.

Well, it sure as hell has been entertaining, but the jury is still out on enlightening. Mainly because now that anything he puts on paper and presents can land him a perjury charge, Traitor Tot is being as opaque and vague as possible. But what is coming out may in fact be worse for His Lowness than we had at first thought.

It looks like, true to form, El Pendejo Presidente is trying to play Let’s Make A Deal with the judges in his two civil cases. This is perfectly understandable when you think about it. After all, in all of his previous civil entanglements Trump went right up to jury selection before settling out of court with no admission of guilt. Why wouldn’t he think he could go back there now, and do a little horse trading?

Because this isn’t an out of court settlement, you stupid sh*t, you lost! If you wanted to horse trade, you should have done that before opening arguments. Ever notice how they never call it a judicial suggestion Emperor Numbus Nuttus? It’s called a judicial order for a reason.

But it’s the intent of the Trump filings, as much as the content that Trump may be hoping nobody is paying attention to, now that the trials are over. Fat chance, Slobfather. Because if what’s in Trump’s filings are true, and they had better be, because that perjury thing again, then Trump is Stone ass broke!

You all know that he had his flying monkeys put a motion in front of the New York Appellate panel. The motion was as entertaining as it was stupid. Basically Trump was telling the panel, Look, right now you already have more than $100 million of my assets tied up. That’s almost 25% of the tab, so let’s just call it even and give me my stay to appeal, shall we? Especially since there’s no way I can raise a half a billion when I can’t even talk to New York bankers.

I guarantee you that the motion had to go immediately into the judge’s chuckles folder, a folder the judge keeps in his desk for really sh*tty days, full of stupid motions and arguments to lighten his mood. The judge promptly shut Trump down, threw him the cookie of staying the prohibition against him dealing with New York based banks, and reminded that March 26th is when the check is due. And don’t forget the interest tip.

Now, let’s be charitable here. Even with banking privileges, it’s no easy move to raise a half a billion in 30 days. Banks are going to want collateral in hand before issuing the bond. Even long time Trump chasers like David Cay Johnson and Tim O’Brien opines that Trump may have trouble coming up with that much scratch, even if he did have a $400 million slush fund.

So that at least was understandable and not unexpected. But what I learned today can only mean one thing, Trump. Is. A. broke. Ass. Bum. It turns out that a couple of days ago, Trump’s ambulance chasers went before NY District Judge Lewis Kaplan and filed a motion for an executive stay on the $105 million that Trump has to post in order to appeal the 2nd E Jean Carroll verdict. The funny thing is that legally there’s no such thing as an executive stay. Trump made it up. In the filing Trump admits that he’s having trouble raising the scratch. Carroll’s lawyers responded in a filing today, and it reminded me of the last scene in Braveheart. They eviscerated him.

This is bordering on legal malpractice if Trump’s lawyers aren’t educating him. They have to tell him that this isn’t the Grand Bazaar in Cairo. It’s New York state law that requires a 120% grub stake to file an appeal. It’s not like the judge can shrug, wink at the defendant, and say Let’s see what’s behind door Number 2! Judges uphold the law, they don’t subvert it.

But what’s behind door number 1 is becoming increasingly clear. Trump us a broke ass bum! It’s one thing to have a problem raising a half a billion on the shorts, but what the hell happened to Trump’s vaunted $450 million slush fund? He should have had no problem in coming up with $105 million out of a $400 million bank account. Why didn’t he just cut the check, or provide the minimum 20% in cash, and the rest in collateral? That part is incomprehensible.

I have written briefly about this previously. Trump is complaining that he already has more than $100 million in assets in New York tied up in receivership, and he wants it applied towards his $455 appeal bond. But he’s omitting one simple thing.

Trump immediately leverages every property he has. He may have more than $100 million in real estate assets tied up in receivership in New York, but if there’s $60 million in debt attached to those properties, there’s only $40 million left for him. Even a friendly equity broker is going to want collateral, and the question is can he even raise the requisite 30%, about #120 million in cash, much less have enough property left with enough equity-to-debt-ratio to provide the rest of the collateral?

Both NY Attorney General James, as well as E Jean Carroll’s lawyers are quite emphatic that they’re coming for Trump. If he can’t afford to appeal, then he pays up. If he doesn’t pay up, then they’re going after his assets in court. And I have no doubt that they’re both dead serious.

If it were me, I’d be much more worried about Carroll than James. After all, James sued the Trump Organization, chartered and registered in New York, as well as Trump’s business licenses. She has already scooped up all the property she can get her hands on in New York. I’m sure there would be other legal hurdles in going after out of state assets not chartered in New York.

But Carroll on the other hand, sued Trump the individual, not Trump the New York business entity. Which means that if the broke. ass. bum. tries to cop a stall, she and her lawyers can go after what they want. Like Mar-A-Slobo, or Trump Doral, or the Trump Tower Las Vegas, Trump Bedminster, you name it. The way things are going, even if it goes down, there may not be enough debt free equity to pay the tabs, especially with the daily interest accrual, due monthly.

And now for the fun part. As I said in the title, Teflon Don just doesn’t suit Trump anymore, with all this sh*t dripping off of him. Two replacements sprang to my mind right off of the bat, Shopping Cart Donnie, and Salvation Army Donnie. But those are just mine. You guys feel free to head to the comments and put in your own suggestions. Let’s all have some fun.

I thank you for the privilege of your time.