The Hilarious Underside To Trump’s Appeal Of The E Jean Carroll Verdict

This is what happens when Ernest goes to law school meets Barney the Dinosaur. Answer? Donald John Trump Esq. But even if these are the kind of Salvation Army ambulance chasers that get something like $12.50 an hour for prep work, and $25 an hour for court time, at least one of these mental midgets would stop letting Trump write the legal briefs!

Ursula did a wonderful job of relating that, as if Traitor Tot wasn’t already in a deep enough legal cannibals pot, he’s got to go back to the New York appellate court, asking that the E Jean Carroll case be thrown out. But as with so many things His Lowness, the devil is in the details. And I think my coverage had a couple of hilarious details that Ursula’s didn’t.

With Trump, It’s all about the Benjamins, baby! For starters, there’s the two main thrusts for Trump’s request for a new trial. On appeal, requests for a new trial normally tend to revolve around two things, prosecutorial misconduct and judicial error. It goes like this. Your Honors, this trial was an outrage. If the prosecutor hadn’t been playing “hide the salami” with exculpatory evidence, and the judge hadn’t let him get away with it, my client would be a free man, since we clearly proved that SODDI (Some Other Dude Did It).

But no, not the Curly Howard of the courtroom. As Ursula pointed out in her article, Trump called the $2.7 million in punitive damages as being excessive. But it’s the twisted reason why it was excessive that will have your eyes spinning around like Roger Rabbit after a drink.

Sitting down? Here we go. According to The Trumpster Fire, since he wasn’t actually found guilty of rape, only the lower charge of sexual abuse, then $2.7 million was totally excessive for what in his mind accounts to copping a feel in a dressing room. Apparently, for sexual predators like El Pendejo Presidente, sex abuse comes with a kind of a rate board, like what kinds of options you want on your new car.

Of course, since it’s Trump, But Wait! There’s More! Having just offended every woman to the left of Phyllis Schlafly, and the men who love them, Trump goes for broke. He claimed that the $2+ million that the jury awarded Carroll was totally capricious. From what I could decipher, the reason for this was that since Carroll wasn’t actually raped, there is no way to know if she actually lost any income, or that she actually suffered any emotional trauma at all! Or some stupid sh*t like that.

For the life of me, I can’t figure out why any lawyer, even a K-Mart legal team like Trump has, would want to file a POS like this? No matter who filed it, the claims in the appeal are so arrogant, sexist, and ignorant that even if Trump’s lawyers lawyers had a couple of applicable beefs about the prosecution or judge, I find it at least possible that the appellate court would spank him down just for trying to make them look as sexist and stupid as he is. The fun never ends.