Talk with your mouth full. Bite the hand that feeds you. Bite off more than you can chew. You can dare to be stupid! Weird Al Yankovic Dare to be stupid
Another day, and the end of yet another sad, pathetic, stupid MAGA stunt. But this time it isn’t the usual suspects, the Freedom caucus Gruesome Twosome of Bratty Matty Gaetz and Gym Bag Jordan. No, this time it’s somebody you would expect more of, US GOP Senator Tommy Tuberville.
This was a particularly stupid, selfish, and harmful to national security stunt for a sitting US Senator to pull. Apparently Tuberville, who shouldn’t have to worry about unwanted pregnancies since he couldn’t get laid walking into a strip bar with a $100 bill between his teeth, got a bur in his saddle about people who could get accidentally pregnant being able to do something about it. Specifically if they’re serving this country and keeping his dumb ass safe in the military.
Pop Quiz! What do GOP Senators use for birth control? A: Their personalities. The military has a standing policy in place that allows the military to pay for active members in states with abortion and reproductive restrictions to go to states where they can obtain treatment. Which apparently offended Tuberville’s hypocritical fundamentalist Christian ethic that Miserable, lowlife sinners should have to pay for their lecherous sins.
One of the nice things about being a career military member is caqreer advancement. Captains can become majors, majors can become colonels, and so on. It brings a hefty raise in pay, as well as fluffing up their pensions. And for people who are sacrificing their own lives to protect our selfish asses, recognition is always nice.
Upper level military promotions require Senate confirmation for the promotion to be effective. For more than 200 years, Senators have had their heads pleasantly out of their collective asses. When slates of senior promotions come before them, they approve them by unanimous consent, which takes about five minutes.
But the racist redneck pr*ck Tuberville threw a spanner in the works. When the slate of promotions came to the floor for approval, Tuberville refused to allow unanimous consent. Instead, he demanded that the Pentagon delete the policy that oaid for active service members to travel for reproductive treatment. It was purely a selfish d*ck move meant to perk up his campaign donations going into an election year. And even his fellow GOP Senators were uber pissed with him. After all, the GOP is seen as the military friendly party.
In the last 10 months Tuberville has caused an incredible 425 member backup in promotions. Every month that goes by costs these career officers their pay increase in their checks, and keeps them from accumulating the higher pension pay rates. Just so Tuberville can lick his nuts for every camera that turned his way.
That ended today. It was Senate Rules Committee Chair amy Klobuchar that broke the dam wall. Working with Senate Majority Leader Schumer and Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, she crafted a rules change that would expire at the end of the current legislative session that required multiple Senators to object to military advencement votes.
The hammer finally fell today. Senate Majority Leader Schumer scheduled the rules change to a vote tomorrow, and thanks to McConnell, there were more than enough votes to ensure its passage. Tuberville was faced with two choices. Fold up his tent and go home, or ride it out, and get sent to the corner with a pointy cone paper hat on his head.
Tuberville finally chose option 1. But not without without the kind of whiny, petulant behavior that only a 4 yo redneck can produce. And he laid it all right out there in it’s glorious stupidity. Tuberville has always been bone stupid, even as the Auburn University football coach, which is why he isn’t the Auburn University football coach anymore, but his statement today should earn him an Olympic Gold Medal in stupid.
Tuberville bloviated out something like, I have no regrets. I stood for a principle, which is something that any United States Senator should do. I made my point, but now it’s obvious that the politics is going to work against me, so it’s time to call an end to the hold. And then came the part that cinched the Stupidity Gold Medal for Tuberville for all time, But I’m still satisfied, because I made my point, and in the end, nobody won.
WHAT?! Here, let me explain this to you, you stupid son of a bitch, and I’ll type r-e-a-l s-l-o-w so you can read it. Everybody won but you, you moronic sh*tkicker! All of those noble, selfless serving military members finally got the promotions and pay raises they so richly deserve. And when you made an insufferable *sshole out of yourself, it was finally a Democratic Senator, with help from GOP Senators with sould and consciences that finally shut your lame sh*t down. The only participation prize you can claim for your efforts is that it took so long for everybody else to finally slap your sorry ass down!
Earlier today, more than 400 military promotions sailed through the Senate by unanimous consent in less than five minutes, which is exactly what they could have done all along is Tuberville wasn’t such an insufferable schmuck.
But Tuberville is nothing if not pathologically stupid. While allowing the backlog to go through, Tuberville insisted on keeping the hold on 11 four star generals. These just happen to be the most critical, since in their posts, they are responsible for telling everybody else what to do.
Fortunately Klobuchar has the measure of the chickensh(t opposition. She announced tonight on MSNBC that there is no way that the Senate is adjourning on its Christmas break, and Senate Majority Leader Schumer backs her up on this, until those 11 appointments are confirmed. Klobuchar has Tuberville by the old short-and-curlies. Is Tuberville ready to blow his Christmas break on a mission he can’t win? Watch for a unanimous consent vote passage in the Senate for those 11 four star generals in the next week.
This is the problem with a constitutional democracy. A group of angels can write the rules for the function of the legislative bodies, but it only wakes one devil to throw the whole thing out of whack. It’s a learning curve, and the true test of democracy is how legislators fix what is broken. While delayed, this time the good guys won. Which gives me hope for the future. Even MAGAt’s can go a step too far.
I thank you for the privilege of your time.