The Republican party is getting an idea of what Emperor Hirohito must have felt like when the atomic bombs started falling in ’45 and it became clear that events had taken an irreversible and indefensible turn for the worst and it was time to give it up, while there was something still left. The key difference, however, between the Empire of Japan and the Republican party, is that they nuked themselves when they put Donald Trump on the top of their ticket, thereby irradiating and contaminating both the party and the political landscape for some years to come. That was the beginning of their march to oblivion. The rest was inevitable.

So, now of course, 24 days out from the election and with Trump tanking between ten and fourteen points in the polls, there is much hew and cry in GOPerland, on how to save the party, now that the iceberg that they were pointing and laughing at for four years is finally right there looming over them. I never thought of Matt Lewis at the Daily Beast as a comedy writer before, but my Gawd has he come up with a howler. Here is his idea to save the GOP: start with the Second Coming Of Dubya — and a return to morality.  Daily Beast:

The GOP should be a big tent, so I’m not talking about imposing an ideological litmus test so much as I am talking about imposing a moral one. Support from the new party apparatus should be contingent on character and comportment.

Fancy that. A man or woman’s character and the way they conduct themselves should be a prime tenet of their qualifications for public life. Whudda thot?

 Without writing a manifesto on acceptable behavior (I’m spitballing here. Presumably, someone smarter than me would pick up this idea and run with it), I think racism should be a deal-breaker.

? 

So should threats against democratic institutions (calling the media “fake news,” or saying you won’t accept the results of an election, etc.). Likewise, any affiliation with conspiracy theories like QAnon would be cause for a blackball.

And who could actually enforce it?

For this to work, former President George W. Bush would have to lead this effort. As the last two-term Republican president (and the last Republican to actually win the popular vote—in 2004), he has the credibility and moral authority to assume leadership. Moreover, he still has loyalists in powerful positions, scattered throughout the political infrastructure. This would not be a symbolic role, limited to signing an op-ed or giving a speech. This would be a full-time job, tantamount to running a campaign or heading an organization. Sadly, I have no idea and have seen no indication that he would take on such a role. I sincerely hope this is being discussed behind the scenes (or that someone will kindly forward this column to him).

I will. It will be my pleasure. And in the cover letter I’m going to say, BWAHAHAHHAHA!!!! And put emojis of little men slapping their sides. But Lewis isn’t finished. Here’s more of this brave new world of the post-Trump GOP.

Second, I think you probably need Mitch McConnell, who would likely be the Minority Leader. This is a controversial thing to say, because McConnell has enabled Trump. But McConnell is a powerful ally, and even though his principles might be limited to (a) helping his party, and (b) helping himself, in a post-Trump world, enforcing discipline, keeping the crazies at bay, and picking winners and losers in primaries, will be perfectly consistent with McConnell’s personal goals of holding or winning back power. Honestly, I think McConnell has to be on this team because he’s just ruthless enough to do what needs to be done.

Absolutely, you want McConnell “to keep the crazies at bay” and “pick winners and losers in primaries.” He has done such a stellar job of it. Definitely, you want to assign that duty to him.

Who else? Trying to find 10 completely uncompromised Republicans to lead this effort is sort of like Abraham trying to find 10 righteous men in the city of Sodom.

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Once-promising Republicans like Marco Rubio and Mike Lee and Reince Priebus and Scott Walker and Nikki Haley might have been seen as obvious leaders to emerge from the post-Trump wreckage—if they had played their cards differently. I’m not sure who would be willing to put the country above their personal ambitions in this way, but I would probably nominate Mitt Romney and Tim Scott as potential leaders.

Now we’ve got The Second Coming Of Mittens! Dubya and Mittens are going to rebuild the GOP! If anything said so far screams, “We got nobody and nothin’ and we’re terrified,” I think these two suggestions make that amply clear. But I’ll tell you what let’s do, let’s have a seance and get Nixon back in the game! YES!

And do you know who is NOT being touted in this article as the obvious savior to lead the chosen people out of the Trump wilderness? Mike Pence. He is conspicuous by his absence here in the blueprint for the new GOP.

Obviously, the goal would be to grab control of enough levers of power to instill discipline, and (yes) a certain amount of fear. This would require some of the biggest names in the GOP being willing to do the right thing, even if it earns them scorn and criticism from conservatives on talk radio, Twitter, and (unless Fox News is willing to be part of the solution instead of part of the problem), cable news.

What kind of discipline could they impose? It depends how much leverage they can wrangle. But let’s say a Republican QAnon supporter is running for Congress. They get zero funds from any party committee. Zero. Any member who gives them money immediately loses his committee membership. That and maybe they make an example of you and drop a million bucks into your next primary race. Any radio host who has this candidate on loses access to every Republican who wants the support of The Team. Basically, you’re with us or you’re with the terrorists (a line George W. Bush might be able to deliver). Oh, and, by the way, the train is leaving the station. We might look past your previous behavior, but you can sign up to me on the new team, or not. Your call. This has to be hardball.

Make no mistake, anyone willing to try this will deserve our admiration. That’s because trying and failing at this wouldn’t just demonstrate impotence, it would invite mockery and hatred.

? Ya think?

We may be about to flush the system, but it won’t matter if there aren’t adults who step up and fill the vacuum. If the same perverse incentives remain in play, it won’t matter that Trump lost. You’ll have a rump Republican Party that is full of QAnon conspiracy theory candidates.

Now that we’re in the death throes of the Trump presidency, there’s a limited time to restore order and prevent that fate. But it’s gonna take leaders with guts. Will the adults rise to the occasion?

Help us George W. Bush, you’re our only hope.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! (rolls on floor, screaming — sits up to wipe damp eyes)

Buddy, I don’t know how to break this to you, but if the only hope of the Republican party is Dubya, you are thoroughly phucked. After Jimmy Carter left office, he became a great humanitarian, working with Habitat for Humanity. He’s still building houses in his 90’s. After Bill Clinton left office, he started a foundation, which provided needed medicine to third-world countries. After Dubya left office, he went home and painted a picture of his dog. But God, I hope you’re right and Dubya is your only hope. Oh, man, do I hope that’s true. And I love the perverse logic in soliciting the services of the second worst president in history to clean up the messes of the absolute worst. And most of all, Matt — may I call you Matt? —  I hope you write more pieces like this, because this made my day. Sweet Jesus, the post-Trump GOP is going to be a screeeem!