DeSantis’s New 2024 Campaign Strategy, If You’re Drowning, Grab An Anchor And Smile

God must love imbeciles, he made so many of them. And they almost all wear MAGA hats. If pocket moppet Ron Pissantis is in the process of rolling out his new, re-energized, trimmed down, cash starved 2024 GOP Presidential campaign, he’s forgetting one simple thing. The first three GOP primary states are Iowa, New Hampshire, and South Carolina. So what the hell is he doing dumblefutzing around in south Florida?

Apparently he’s trying to rehabilitate his tattered street creds as an international affairs bad ass. His first foray across the pond didn’t go so well for the campaign. He accidentally stepped on his crank while speaking in public and called the Russian aggression into Ukraine a territorial dispute. He had such a ration of sh*t dumped over his head by the rest of the GOP field that he’s still trying to get the last of it out of his hair and shoes. So I guess he’s trying a reset on his foreign affairs chops too.

And where better to do it than the Shul of Bal Harbor synagogue in Surfside, Florida. Sweet Jesus, aren’t these people suffering enough at the moment, without having to stand or sit there and listen to Flop Gov bloviate about something he knows absolutely nothing about? This is not only blatantly self serving, but almost existentially stupid on so many levels. Let’s take them one at a time.

Uno. He gave his blather at the citadel of the Jewish population in Florida, south Florida. And believe me, there are tons of them. Florida ranks 3rd in Jewish population behind California and New York, and the bulk of them are sunbirds, many New York Jews who became successful and fled the unbearable New York winters. Should be fertile ground, but it’s imbecilic for more reasons than I can count.

First of all, who the f*ck is DeSantis trying to reach?! Last I checked, he’s running for President. So where does he give what he wants to be a major foreign policy speech? At a synagogue in a south Florida suburb. If I hadn’t stumbled across an article in Politico about it, I never would have known he’d even opened his fat, dumb mouth. And you know what? Nobody else will hear about it outside of Florida either!

In the on deck circle. According to a Brandeis University study, some 60% of Florida Jews in the local environs vote Democratic. Again, who the hell is DeSantis appealing to? He can’t run again in 2026, he’s turfed out after his 2nd term. And if he somehow or other miraculously managed to survive the primaries and become the 2024 GOP Presidential candidate, if he’s reduced to appealing to Florida Jews just to win his hoe state, he’s already toast.

But enough of this political prattle, let’s look at the actual content, if you can bear it without literally feeling the IQ points sloughing out of your ears and puddling on the ground. In his speech to his unfortunate political hostages, Pissantis blathered out;

“These will be, by far, the strongest Iran sanctions that any state has enacted,” DeSantis told the audience.

But exactly what sanctions? I’ll let Politico give you the quick down and dirty

The Florida governor, during a press conference in south Florida, called Iran a “clearinghouse for terrorist funding in the region” and asked the GOP-led Legislature for new Florida sanctions against Iran. He also asked lawmakers to block a broad array of other state or local investments in Iranian businesses in Florida, whether it be financial, construction, manufacturing and other sectors.

I’ve changed my mind, Pissantis is the perfect poster child for the GOP’s 2024 presidential ambitions. Why? Because he’s in perfect time step with today’s GOP House. Hamas committed their atrocities on Saturday and Sunday, and Pissantis is asking the GOP led Florida legislature for crushing sanctions against Iran, when the Florida legislature doesn’t even freakin’ convene until January! Which is probably about the time the GOP US House will get a new Speaker.

If I actually cared, I’d send DeSantis a brand spanking new copy of Foreign Policy For Dummies. Because he really needs it. Iran is one of the most sanctioned countries on the planet, along with Russia and North Korea, they comprise what former President George W Bush called The Axis of Evil. Any piddly ass sanctions that DeSantis could actually get enacted through his idiot legislature would be the equivalent of him going down to the beach, and tossing a teaspoon of salt into the Atlantic Ocean.

But Pissantis being Pissantis, I see a darker underbelly to this pathetic exercise. Just look at how Just look at how Tiny Prancer wants the sanctions targeted;

He also asked lawmakers to block a broad array of other state or local investments in Iranian businesses in Florida, whether it be financial, construction, manufacturing and other sectors.

Look, I’m sorry, call me a cynical bastard, because I am, but I don’t think that Pissantis could balance his own checkbook without his wife and a CPA, and if there wasn’t a State Treasurer, Florida employees would be reduced to standing around on street corners with tin cups full of pencils, or buckets of water and a scraper and rag to lean windshields to balance the budget. There are no clinical accountants on the Florida payroll capable of swimming through the serpentine international monetary numbers to find illicit, or even overt official Iranian government money flowing into Florida businesses.

No. From where I’m sitting, this is nothing more than good old fashioned DeSantis racism. What DeSantis wants to do is to have his bottom feeding bloodhounds scour through business licenses in the state, looking for owners or partners of Iranian heritage, and then sanction the sh*t out of them, driving them out of business as terrorists. These people are just like African Americans, Hispanics, the Vietnamese and the LGBTQ communities. They’re others, so let’s just shut them down and send them packing.

If I can figure this sh*t out, I bet there are a whole lot of people out there smarter than me who can figure it out too, and you’ll eventually be hearing more about this from more mainstream media. But being a compassionate Mick, I have a career tip for DeSantis. If you have the public persona and personality of a cross between David Duke and Andrew Dice Clay, then national politics probably isn’t a natural fit for you. Here endeth the lesson.

I thank you for the privilege of your time