Awww. Looks Like Jim Jordan Is The “Rodney Dangerfield” Of Politics

Q: What’s the only difference between Jim Jordan and Bozo the Clown? A An actor played the part of Bozo the Clown

Well, it looks like this is shaping up to be the longest two years of Gym Bag Jordan’s life. Longer even than first grade. And that went three years. If I close my eyes, I can almost see it, Jordan sitting behind the desk in his office, fuming at Thompson and Cheney in their J6 hearings, and muttering to himself, Look at those clowns. Man! If I ever got the chance, I’d mop the floor with them!

An will wonders never cease?, Jordan gets his chance. Not only does Squeaker Cavein McCarthy give him the Chair of the judiciary committee, he gives him the funding to set up his dream Subcommittee on the Weaponization of the US Government. If ever Jordan was going to shine, it would be here and now. Not only is he running the whole show, he’s making up the rules too!

There’s just one small problem. Jim Jordan sucks at his job. In the minority Jordan was the uber attack dog for the GOP. He would sit there yelling, ranting, berating all and sundry, until his five minutes were up. But like the abusive bar drunk on Friday night, nobody though he was tough, the all just thought he was an *sshole. But he was a poster child for the new GOP, just another one of Hitler’s brownshirt thugs.

But while as Chair, Jordan can still rant and rave for five minutes, he’s running into a problem. Once he’s done, he can’t seem to stop anybody else from doing it. And even worse, even if he does, all they do is to start bitching at him. And when Stacey Plaskett or Danny Goldman start in on him, he ends up looking like a six year old in a graduate school quantum physics class. I swear, I haven’t seen a stare that blank outside of an opium den.

It starts at the top. Here’s the Jordan strategy for setting up a committee hearing, Make stuff up, and hope things come along to match your wild theories. And here’s a perfect example. Jordan’s first blockbuster hearing was supposed to include 15 whistleblowers who were going to testify to rampant evidentiary abuse at DOJ and the FBI. In the end, only three witnesses testified, and they were pathetic. Mainly because the Democrats gleefully pointed out that by legal definition they didn’t even qualify as whistleblowers. None of them even worked for the DOJ or FBI anymore, and so risked nothing personally or professionally by testifying about their half baked conspiracy theories.

And now Jordan is tilting at another windmill by trying to force Manhattan DA Alvin Bragg to come before his cameras and provide Traitor Tot’s defense team with a gold plated inside look at Bragg’s evidence and trial strategy. In his initial response Bragg limited himself to telling Jordan to take a hike and mind his own business. But when Jordan went into attack mode with threats of a subpoena, Braggs response was polite legalese for Jordan doing anatomically impossible things to himself. And everybody laughed.

Since even Jordan knew that actually issuing a subpoena to Bragg was political suicide, he switched gears and is now going after former Manhattan DA Special Assistant Marc Pomerantz. Jordan sent him a letter asking him to appear voluntarily, and Pomerantz’s reply was Sorry, I already have a Brazilian bikini wax appointment for whatever day you’re talking about, and I just can’t break it. Never one to let an intelligent thought get in the way of a childish impulse, Jordan subpoenaed Pomerantz instead of Bragg.

Which is moronic. Because just like most senior Trump aides with the J6 committee, all Pomerantz has to do is to go to court and fight the subpoena. Trump’s trial is scheduled to begin in January, and Pomerantz can easily run out the clock in court until the trial is already under way, if not over. It’s getting so bad that even Jordan friendly FUX News trench mouth Jesse Waters is telling him to either Put up or shut up!

But here’s the evidence that even a dead firefly is brighter than Gym Bag. House lawyers will argue on behalf of the subpoena in court. But what happens if Pomerantz just digs his heels in and refuses to testify? Period. At that point only has one option left, and hysterically, it’s the same one that Thompson and Cheney had. Jordan has to go to the DOJ and request that they file contempt of Congress charges against Pomerantz. Anybody here want to guess how far that will go?

Actually any of us who pay attention could have seen this high speed train wreck coming a mile off. For one simple reason. Thompson and Cheney had an actual event to investigate, with hours of live video coverage. People wanted answers and accountability. Jordan’s 3-legged-coffee-table quest is based on revisionist history. Jordan is trying to show that it’s actually the DOJ and FBI who were responsible for J6, and not Trump, and nobody is buying what he’s selling. Hell, as far as I know, not even FUX News is covering his kangaroo court hearings live.

But he can’t stop. Jordan pre-sold this subcommittee as the most spectacular muckraking investigation in history, one that would bring the FBI and DOJ to their knees. And right now the only one on his knees is Jordan. But he has too much time and ego invested in this. So strap in my friends, plenty more brain dead stupidity to come.