Donald Jr. Inks Book Deal, Crowd Rushes To Give Him The Right Title

By
Ursula Faw
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You may remember Donald Trump saying, “I fancy myself something of a writer.” J.K. Rowling took it upon herself one day to imitate Trump’s style.

Now, there’s another Trump entering the literary world. Following in his illiterate father’s footsteps, Donald Trump Jr. will soon have a tome on bookshelves near you. Daily Beast:

Anyone who’s stumbled across Donald Trump Jr.’s Twitter feed will know that he’s an exciting literary talent that was just waiting to be discovered. Now, his time has come. Politico reports the president’s son has signed a book deal and his work is expected to be published later this year. The tome will focus on “politics, current events, and the future of the MAGA movement,” according to Politico’s sources. The deal was signed with Center Street Books after publisher Rolf Zettersten and Center Street negotiated with attorney and Trump’s literary agent, Tom Winters.

Well, this is an exciting step forward in the area of political polemic. Therefore, it needs must have an appropriate title. Here are some suggestions, helpfully supplied by Twitter, and if you want to join in the fun, the comments thread below awaits you. You will be cheered to know that whatever off the cuff remark you come up with here, it will excel in creativity and intellectual prowess anything that Trump Junior could come up with after weeks of concerted effort. I hope the ghostwriter has picked a good nom de plume, so that s/he can cash the check and disappear.

So far my favorite is “Art Of The Heel.”

But jump in, if you have an idea — or if you merely want to comment on how many good writers out there are eking out a hardscrabble living, including the ones you know on this site, while this illiterate *@%($ gets a book deal because his last name is Trump. If it sounds like sour grapes, so be it. I toil in the vineyard of writing because I love it, and so do my colleagues here, not because we’re looking to make a fast buck. You remember the song from “A Chorus Line,” “What I Did For Love?” That’s what this is. Donald Junior hasn’t the slightest clue what that is about, and the riches that come from your voice being heard, because people think you have something to say — and not because of any accident of birth, being born into an infamous family, but because you, you sat down and codified your thoughts and put them out into the world and somehow, miraculously, they were heard and appreciated. That is a thrill that Junior will never know.  In the final analysis, Junior is the poorer man, not us, because his name will go in the book, but nothing of his soul. Personally, I can’t wait for J.K. Rowling to do her review.

The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in our genes.

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1 COMMENT

    • This is good. If not the title for the book, then a perfect title for a chapter about Don Junior’s collegiate years, of which we all yearn to know more.

  3. Leave it to Twitter. We’re getting suggestions rolling in already.

    “An Apple From The Stable Genius Tree,” was submitted by David Lewis, and I came up with “Stable Genius: The Next Generation.” I like that.

    • That is good, Bareshark! Alright! Bonfire of the Insanities!! You are riding high, you may just win this thing.

      As to who is working for what money — oh, Trump Junior is getting money. The same crowd that bought his idiot father’s books, and Ivanka’s, and Ann Coulter’s, they may very well lay out of few bucks for something Junior has written. I don’t know who is ghostwriting, obviously. That person has one of two choices, either be a part of the MAGA group and proud, or be somebody doing it for the money and run and hide. I don’t blame the real writer, in any event. It’s hard to put moral values above material needs a lot of the time. I think we’ve all “sold out” to one degree or another, working for people we didn’t respect, that kind of thing. It’s a question of degree. I just know if it was me, I would use one nom de plume once, take the money and run.

      • Oh, any ghostwriter who is working on this is likely doing this under Junior’s name…like father, like son, right? And yeah, I can’t get too mad about that either. I’D never be able to do it but it’s a guaranteed payday (assuming Junior doesn’t try cheating the poor guy or gal like his father routinely does…it’s fairly common in my profession, sadly).

  6. And some right-wingnut billionaire will buy a couple of cases to put it on Amazon’s best-seller list. That and o few red-hat imbiciles will be the only copies sold.

    • I can’t imagine that anybody wants to hear Junior’s views on politics. I can see, in a warped way, why Ivanka’s views as a “businesswoman” might have gotten a few views, but we’re too far down the road now. The Trump mystique is a horse that has left the barn, it’s going, going, gone.

      I guess we’ll see. I can’t wait for the reviews. I’ll chip in my two cents — on excerpts. No way in Hell I’m going to read the whole thing.

  7. “The Death of Irony” “The Death of the American Century”
    “Daddy’s Little Dumbass” “Greed Incorporated” Whatever the title it won’t be worth reading.

    • Death of Irony, and Greed Incorporated are good, solid titles. I’ll see what other submissions come in and then we’ll rank them. Maybe we’ll send the best on to Junior, wrapped in an orange bow!

  16. It’s been a difficult Memorial Day, so I’ve turned to the online world and seeing this piece & some of the suggestions I decided to take a different tack by calling up a list of 100 famous novels and playing with the names some – at least except for the last two. And this is just famous novels & not even delving into the classics. Song and movie titles open up an even wider field for fun! I tried formatting this in word with strikeovers to the original titles but they were lost in the copy & paste to this site so original parts are in parentheses) Anyway, here you go:

    The Secret Dreams Of Donald Trump, Jr. (instead of Life of Walter Mitty)
    The Son Never Rises (instead of Sun Also)
    Under The Father’s Thumb (instead of Sky)
    The Non-Prime Of Donald Trump, Jr. (instead of Prime of Miss Jean Brodie)
    A Passage To Mediocrity (instead of India)
    Donald Trump, Jr.’s Complaint (instead of Portnoy’s)
    The Sheltering Sky Trump Organization (instead of Sky
    Call It Irrelevancy (instead of Sleep)
    (two that need no correction) White Noise and Infinite Jest

    Oh, and my own variation on the suggestion of changing Fortunate Son to Un-Fortunate Son is “Irrelevant Son.”

  17. How to be an asshole in 5 easy steps.
    It’s ALL your fault!
    Don Jr’s guide to buffoonery
    How I learned to love a sociopath
    ?

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