You Better Watch Out, the Xians Are Gonna Get You If Your Holiday Decoration Violates Code


    Wingnuts roasting on an open fire, Mike Pence talking to his toes, some people in Louisiana simply do not like other peoples’ concepts of holiday cheer. A Christmas lawn display of inflated dragons wearing Santa Claus hats aroused the ire of some of the neighbors, who decided to send hate mail to the dragon-stylist, during this season of love and joy.

    “Your dragon display is only marginally acceptable at Halloween. It is totally inappropriate at Christmas. It makes your neighbors wonder if you are involved in a demonic cult. God Bless you and help you to learn the true meaning of Christmas,” the nasty note read.

    This diversity business is truly getting out of hand. Good gawd-fearing people need to make it clear to the heathens: 1. The Xian cult is the only acceptable cult, 2. be sure to have a white baby Jesus, only, in all Nativity scenes, to properly reflect his Aryan gawd, and 3. if your kid asks, “Mommy, are reindeer and polar bears indigenous to Bethlehem?” smack him up the side of his head. It’s thinking like that that got us away from the one, true religion.

    And what about football? Five minutes of a discussion on Christmas, and nobody has brought up football yet. Ask any true practitioner of the Wingnuttia Faith, particularly south of the Mason-Dixon line, Christmas is all about Jesus and football. And retail.

    Carry on.

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    1. And making sure pagans are thrown to.lions and witches burned the stake. I lived in GA for 12_years with evangelical in-laws. This kind of why we stopped going to family gatherings.
      And I desperately want an inflatable Dragon of my very own and I promise to dress it appropriately for every holiday. Maybe I need three:one in a,Santa hat,one in a kippah,a third in a turban so no Abrahamic religion is left out

    2. You realize that these people don’t appreciate the “X” in “mas or Xian because they think it is “ex” when it is actually “chi.” I am inclined to spell then “Krischuns.”


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