*Sigh* This is only the first unofficial official day of the 2024 general presidential election campaign, and already way too many goddamn Democrats are running around sounding like the denizens of Rock Ridge in Blazing Saddles, wringing their hands and desperately waiting for Sheriff Bart to saver their sad pasty asses. And I’m sick of it.

Every Democratic talking head, moderator, and politician is once again telling us that this is the most critical, existential election of our lifetime. Riiiiight, just the same as the last four straight elections? What are we Democrats anyway? Are we the character Morpheus from The Matrix, desperately fighting holding action after holding action just in order to survive, waiting for the Chosen One to magically appear and save them?

There was a great scene in one of my favorite movies, being a Chicagoan, The Untouchables. Chicago beat cop Sean Connery is sitting in church talking to Kevin Kostner’s Eliot Ness. Connery asks, What are ou willing to do to take down Capone? To which Kostner replies, I will do everything within my legal power to apprehend and bring this man to justice. To which Connery nods his head in approval, then asks, Good. And then what are you willing to do? Making it crystal clear to Ness that the rules have to be flexible when dealing with mobsters like Capone.

Which is where the Democrats are right now, they’re Eliot freaking Ness. Any Democratic officeholder will tell you that it will be critical to call to contrast the difference between a free and independent democracy, and the desires of an up and coming autocrat. Good. And while you’re pompously bloviating, there are GOP operatives out there right now trying to engineer voter roll purges in states they control, trying to put the butchers thumb on the scales.

Thank God for unsung heroes like Marc Elias, who are going to court in every red state that tries this sh*t, fighting to keep them from disenfranchising voters to tip the scales. But he had a perfect fix for Demodcrats to start with. Elias says that in every state controlled by Democrats, in the spring session they should immediately move to repeal every restrictive voter fraud protection law that may be on the books, for the simple reason that there is no widespread voter fraud, other than that committed by Republicans.

I’m sorry Michelle, but you’re wrong. As a guy who played hockey for 20 years, I can honestly tell you that the only thing you accomplish is to expose your nuts for a sharp knee. When they raise that knee, your turn your hip and throw that right roundhouse to the kidneys. What did Sean Connery say? They bring a brick, you bring a knife. They bring a knife, you bring a gun. That’s the Chicago way!

And they’re about to be given a gift from God, and they don’t want to blow it. In 19 days, Traitor Tot will start spending every Monday-Thursday sitting in a Manhattan courtroom being tried for conspiracy and falsifying documents to cover up a payoff. And the Democrats need a two pronged approach.

For every week Trump is on trial, The Democrats need an initiative of the week to announce, something Biden and the Democrats can do without congressional sign off, and Biden can tout that on the road at least a couple of days a week. At the same time, the national media will be doing the Democrats dirty work for them, leading every national and local news broadcast with the latest sensational details of Traitor Tot’s latest day in court. Let the media draw the contrast. Moving the country forward for the good of all, as opposed to trying to defend yourself from a stretch in state prison.

Why not start tonight? Any sane Democrat already knows that Joe Biden could stand behind that podium and do a Ted Cruz, reading Green Eggs and Ham, and Machine Hun Margie is going to make a horses ass out of herself. Let her spew, and then confront her directly with an aside like, Thank you Marjie! Now, instead of screaming like a drunken heckler at an open mic night, why not join in by casting your vote to pass the bipartisan Immigration bill to protect the border you claim to care so much about?

F*ck ’em. Go low, and go hard. I know Trump, and right now he’s hanging onto sanity by a fingernail. Not just the pressure of a presidential run, but two civil settlements that could practically bankrupt him, and now the specter of sitting in a criminal court literally fighting for his freedom. Pull out the big guns. And go for the nuts. We need attack dogs that spend time every day reminding voters constantly that El Pendejo Presidente isn’tpaying writer E Jean Carroll $88.5 million for lying, he’s paying $88.5 million for lying about the fact that Carroll proved in a New York federal courtroom that Trump raped jer in a New York department store dressing room! Just like the Manhattan DA’s case, people keep drawing benign inferences, like these are victimless crimes. Trump literally raped a woman in a dressing room,  and he presided over a criminal conspiracy to keep his affair with Stormy Daniels secret before the election.

And while you’re at it, you might as well hammer away at the fact that Traitor Tot is a broke ass bum! It was reported today that for the second time in a week, Traitor Tot’s lawyers asked Judge Kaplan for a gentlemen’s agreement to five him a stay on the surety bond to allow him to appeal the Carroll decision even though he can’t afford the surety bond.

Go big or go home. It was Trump himself who, last September in a deposition, affirmed that he had a $450 million cash stockpile for expenses and possible business venture opportunities. So why can’t he afford a $105 million surety bond to appeal the Carroll decision?

And Trump has constantly boasted that his total worth was anywhere between $6-10 billion, depending on how much bullsh*t F0orbes is willing to swallow on any given day. So how come he can’t manage to beg, borrow, or steal a $455 million surety bond to appeal the civil fraud ruling?

Hammer this sh*t like a 10 penny nail! Remember one thing. We Was Robbed! always generates more attention than a dry judicial ruling that there was no fraud. You’re not looking to convince the drooling Trombies, you’re looking to convince the 10-15% or moderate independents and soft moderates to win. And especially at this time of the year, they don’t necessarily pay that much attention to politics. start pounding home the alotar of bullsh*t that Trump is preaching behind.

You want to save this precious democracy? You want to save the founding ideals that members of your family bled and died for? Then f*cking prove it! This isn’t the chess club, it’s the fight club. And the only thing a bully like Trump and the GOP recognizes is a solid nock inh the nuts. You wanna say that the actual future ofr democracy is at stake this November? Then get in the gutter and prove it!

I thank you for the privilege of your time.

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  1. Murf, great minds think alike. MTG is sooo predictable, and the President nailed her with her own big pin! Pssst, Margie, you’re still dumb.

  2. Joe came out swinging,,and it was a Mohammad Ali knockdown. Joe needs to fight like Ali, clean but powerful, calling Trump and his terrified-of-becoming-unemployed GOP sycophants’ lies with truth. And never letting up. Let Trump– Iron Mike Tyson with no principles and the dirtiest fighter ever who also went
    to.jail for rape as Donnie should have– and call him out for every single one of them.
    pretty sure,Ali would beat Iron Mike every time. Ali had principles(he went to.jail for them) but he never had to go low to win.


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