There is only one way to introduce this article and that’s to use The Onion’s response to every mass shooting, and it’s certainly not intended to be funny. It is meant to tear into the legislators that we’ll see below. This article has run for at least a decade following every mass shooting. It’s part of national culture:
‘NO WAY TO PREVENT THIS’ SAYS ONLY NATION WHERE THIS REGULARLY HAPPENS
In the hours following a violent rampage in Texas in which a lone attacker killed at least 21 individuals and injured several others, citizens living in the only country where this kind of mass killing routinely occurs reportedly concluded Tuesday that there was no way to prevent the massacre from taking place.
“This was a terrible tragedy, but sometimes these things just happen and there’s nothing anyone can do to stop them,” said Idaho resident Kathy Miller, echoing sentiments expressed by tens of millions of individuals who reside in a nation where over half of the world’s deadliest mass shootings have occurred in the past 50 years and whose citizens are 20 times more likely to die of gun violence than those of other developed nations.
“It’s a shame, but what can we do? There really wasn’t anything that was going to keep this individual from snapping and killing a lot of people if that’s what they really wanted.” At press time, residents of the only economically advanced nation in the world where roughly two mass shootings have occurred every month for the past eight years were referring to themselves and their situation as “helpless.”
Now, see if you can detect any difference in the attitude of the article and the attitude of Rep. Tim Burchett below:
.@timburchett, my daughter Jaime would disagree with you. If you think you can't fix the gun violence problem, just resign. Be useless elsewhere. Jaime is forever 14, she was murdered in the Parkland shooting. You, & people like you, are the problem. https://t.co/xGzPxEX73l
— Fred Guttenberg (@fred_guttenberg) March 28, 2023
“Buddy, if someone is willing to die to fight you, there’s nothing you can do about it…” Well, asshole, while there is some truth to the statement, maybe if we banned high-capacity assault rifles, only two would die, not 32, 49, or whatever it is on that mass shooting day. Or do something insane like banning assault rifles and having a 90-day waiting list to get a handgun because if someone needs a handgun fast, then there is likely a need to let the police know about a situation. Or do what Canadians do, pretty much ban handguns.
Sen. Mike Rounds: “I think the things that have already been done have gone about as far as we're going to with gun control.” pic.twitter.com/9FANAlGoFx
— Kaitlan Collins (@kaitlancollins) March 29, 2023
Yeah. I mean, think of how much we’ve already done! Indeed, it’s time to go the other way and open sales up to 18-year-olds and no background checks. Maybe it’s time to have kids where combat gear at school. Maybe that’s the answer.
There is so much that can be done.
Those in Congress who refuse to do anything must resign.
This does not happen in other nations.
We are allowing it.#ItsTheGuns
🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸— Vicki Malits Addesso (@VickiAddesso) March 29, 2023
And to really put it into perspective:
Why can't congress act like grown ups, Paul? pic.twitter.com/QdcFtnUqr8
— Sailing and Blues (@GuitareVoile) March 28, 2023
Because of money, that’s why. BLOOD MONEY.
****
[email protected], @JasonMiciak, SUBSTACK: MUCH LEFT ADO
The people in that Nashville district voted in a Congressman that had his family holding AR’s on their Christmas cards. Republicans will never admit they are wrong. They couldn’t even be bothered to wear a mask to protect their fellow Americans. What is not addressed is the fact they feel they need to have these murder machines to over throw our Tyrannical government as per the 2cd Amendment.
They will never forget Kennedy sending in the troops to force desegregation and humiliate them in the eyes of the rest of the nation . They will never forget that the South was the post war Mexico for manufacturing and the Yankees they sent down here to lord over them dumb hicks. Thus we have a political party controlled by Wall St manned by people who have a permanent chip on their shoulder that only wants to throw sand in the gears of the government of the US.
All they have is “thoughts and prayers” as they cash those sweet checks from the NRA.
This may be a horrible thing to say but at this point, short of getting these morons out of office, when their children start ending up dead in mass shootings we’ll see action. I see no reason to give a fuck about their brats when they could give a fuck about anyone else’s.
I know this: should someone I love get taken out by one of these shooters, ‘pubes had better be looking over their shoulders constantly. I will go after every one I can.
Here in North Carolina they managed to do something about the situation just this morning. Of course, that something was removing a layer of control by ending the requirement for the local sheriff’s office to issue handgun permits. But hey, it’s something, right?
Reprinted by The Onion thirty-one times almost verbatim since May 27, 2013 – 31 TIMES!!!
An editorial cartoon in this morning’s Newsday shows a bloke with red MAGA baseball cap, an assault rifle slung over his shoulder wearing a t-shirt proudly stating “I ❤ AR-15s” holding a sign stating “MORE GUNS MAKE US SAFER” standing next to a large chart labeled “SCHOOL SHOOTINGS SINCE 2009”. 18 listed countries have short lines to indicate their ranking, with a bottom line for “OTHER COUNTRIES” at zero, while the TOP line, however, labeled “U.S.A”, extends all the way across the chart and beyond along the wall.
The goober is saying, “CLEARLY THE PLAN JUST NEEDS SOME TIME TO WORK”
WHAT WILL IT TAKE? Probably the death by assault rifle of one or some near and dear to one or more of the 2A crowd, especially if the perp or perps outnumber and/or outshoot the “good guy(s)” with guns at the scene.