I have a helpful hint for all of those soulless GOP ghouls so covered in Pepe LaPierre’s pocket lint that they look like washing machine filter that hasn’t been emptied in six months. Y’all dumbasses need a new slogan. Because thoughts and prayers just isn’t cutting it anymore.
It’s not like you haven’t had to do it before, in fact twice on the same goddamned issue. In the aftermath of the original Roe v Wade decision, since you as a party couldn’t be for something to save your piss miserable souls, you became stridently anti-abortion. This was fine back in a time when abortion was pretty much a 50-50 issue. And it made your position crystal clear to the slobbering Jesus wheezers that were your most loyal base. And Lordy, Lordy did the campaign donations pour in.
But since tempus does fugit, and with the decades passing, so does public opinion. After a decade or so, it turns out that most women actually like having the bodily autonomy to decide when and under what conditions to have children, abortion became more and more popular, until it was solidly in the majority of public opinion. No bueno when it comes to campaigning on a strict every fetus is a person platform.
And so you butted your rock heads together, and came up with a kinder, gentler alternative. Pro Life. But that one had all the wings of an empty Red Bull can. It didn’t take long for anybody who doesn’t speak in tongues and kneel before burning bushes to realize that you didn’t give a sh*t about the life of the mother during a medical emergency. Come on Dad, who do you love more, your wife or an unborn baby? And you made it as clear as day that you didn’t give a sh*t about that precious human life once it took its first outraged scream after being slapped on the ass by the doctor. You proved that by either cutting, or trying to cut every social benefit program that could have given that kid a real chance.
And now your feeble asses are reduced to the Gerber Baby Food bumper sticker of Pro Baby! Like you were thinking of any other lives when you were pro life. Let me know how you do with that, but I’ll be using sonar instead of radar to track your progress.
Another day, another mass shooting in America. And the only thing you death earing ghouls have to offer to the families of the victims, and the survivors are Thoughts and Prayers. The exact same lame, and personally speaking, soulless response you ghouls have had every since f*cking Columbine! And the worst part is that it’s insulting! It literally has no sane or sensible meaning.
Thoughts and prayers. What does that mean exactly? Thoughts. What thoughts? Thoughts of the victims, and their grieving loved ones? What kind of thoughts? You didn’t know any of these people from Adam, so what kinds of thoughts can you have. Certainly not the kind that, as the mass casualty body count kept rising for the last five years until it surpassed the Vietnam casualty count, and gun violence is now the #1 cause of death for American children, what are you thinking?
How about this thought? At any time in the last five years, sitting as a sworn United States legislator, did you ever have a thought of telling Pepe LaPierre and the death merchants of the NRA to f*ck off!, and signing on to legislation that at the very least stopped literally legally insane people from buying assault weapons, literally the first bill Traitor Tot signed into law? No, I thought now.
Prayers. How sweet. Prayers for whom?
You couldn’t pick them out of a lineup. I dare every one of you soulless sh*theels right now to give me the name of a single victim of last nights slaughter. What do those prayers sound like, pray tell? Now I lay me down to sleep. I beg the Lord my soul to keep. And if I die before I wake. I pray the Lord my soul to take. And please Lord, take all those sad sacks that got shot last night and hold them close to you, and give their families comfort.
Forget it you ass clowns, we tipped to you a long time ago. And we all know exactly what your thoughts and prayers are;
- Thoughts – Please let that NRA check get to the Super PAC by Friday! I’m getting my ass kicked over my NRA voting record. I need to get some fluff ads out to take the edge off
- Prayers – Dear God. Please let me get in and out of the Capitol tomorrow without being swarmed by reporters wanting to grill me on the latest mass shooting, and my lousy NRA A+ rating!
Sorry dudes, that whole Thoughts and prayers schtick is a suitcase with a broken handle. It isn’t going anywhere! Time for something new. I don’t know, maybe something like Greed and Indifference? It should be as natural as an NRA check, and roll off your tongues like a lullaby.