They’re Literally Too. Bone. Stupid. To Get A Job Anywhere Else

I have been thinking about this for a while, about how the insistent burrowing in of the mental midgets of the Freedom Caucus are a dark blight on not only the United States congress, but an insult to any functional government, company, or corporation. Please strap in, pull the roll bar tight around your waist, and keep your hands and feet inside the car at all times, this is going to be a wild ride.

Imagine for a moment that you’re the top general in some third world country. Central America, South America, sub Saharan Africa, take your pick. You serve a democratically elected President, and the dude is crimping your style. He’s taking money that should go directly into your pockets, through inflated defense budget bribes, and stuffing it into stupid social spending programs instead.

So you decide that this loser has to go. And so you conspire with your closest associates in the General corps, and you call up a small unit of trustworthy soldiers to storm the Palace and haul the President off in irons. Then you stand around high fiving each other and grinning, stop, and say What did we miss? Somehow I think we’re missing a step here. Hold that thought.

You’re an ambitious, though talentless member of a political party elected to congress. You decide that you want to get rid of the current leader, purely because he pissed you off by not covering your lame ass for some previous ethical lapses. So you decide to depose the current leader, whom you extracted painful concessions from in order to become the leader. So you conspire with seven other freezer temperature IQ cohorts, lay a quick plan, and pull off your coup. After which you finish off a 30 pack, and go home with the warm fuzees for a job well done.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the life and mentality of Bratty Matty Gaetz. Remember how I told you to stick a pin in my military coup example. Well, no sane General corps insurgents would dare to move on a plot to replace the current President until they had a complete and loyal chain of command set up. Which General would be the new President, which would be the press officer, their cover story thought out and coherent to keep the populace in line. Anything less would be an open invitation for a small group of Colonels, who actually command the troops to put their own putsch together, and put your sorry ass out to pasture.

The same for politics. Politics is the kind of snake pit that could give The well of the souls a run for its money in Raiders of the Lost Ark. Plotting to take out the Speaker, without already having a replacement in place, and enough votes to confirm him is a guaranteed shortcut to becoming a traitorous scapegoat.

And Gaetz did them both. He never wanted McCarthy to be Speaker, but know that he didn’t have the clout to stop him from becoming Speaker. Sooner or later, the multiple rounds of voting would wear down the fickle Freedom caucus votes. So he extracted painful concessions from McCarthy to give him the last 20 votes he so desperately needed, And his only plan was to use those concessions to boot McCarthy from power whenever he felt the moment was right.

Then he did it. And once again he did it stupidly and arrogantly. An intelligent, experienced politician would have gone quietly around his group, working up support for a replacement that they could vote in to replace McCarthy as soon as the dirty deed was done. But Gaetz didn’t have the time, the patience, and he sure as hell didn’t have the numbers to elect a suitable replacement once McCarthy was gone. But Gaetz didn’t care. He wanted McCarthy gone, and now he is. And now we’re on day 14 without a House Speaker, and that sh*tstorm is coming down directly around Gaetz’s shoulders. And he’s totally incapable of handling it.

But here’s the important part. It isn’t just the mental defective prat Matt Gaetz. Let’s just take a look at a few more of the misfit toys of the Freedom Caucus, and see how their lame bullsh*t would work out in the actual business world;

• How about a woman who’s just another employee at an office wide team building meeting at a large venue. She shows up for the meeting in a gaudy fur coat that looks like somebody just skinned a yak, and is painted up like the 7th fleet just got to town. She sits in the back sneering, and several times leaps to her feet, points angrily at the podium and screams You Lie! to whomever is speaking at the moment. What do you think that Marjorie Taylor Green’s future employment prospects at that company look like, Ms Greene?
• You’re just another midlevel functionary at a consulting firm. But you’re sick of the office restrictions tha limit the amount of pure bullsh*t you can sling at a client. So you start angrily start banging your desk, claiming a vast corporate conspiracy against the employees, and demand a full internal investigation, with you in charge, or you’ll shut down the entire floor. Where would you like your last paycheck mailed, Mr Jordan?
• Here’s a twofer. 1) You have a position of responsibility at a middle size marketing firm, but you have a dark side. You appear at a Kloset Klan rally in South Carolina, and proudly proclaim yourself David Duke without the baggage. 2) You’re a midlevel agent at a national insurance agency. You repeatedly appear at far right rallies and espouse virulently pro Nazi views. Mr. Scalise and Mr. Gosar, you might want to check in with some of those neo Nazi and Klan bucketheads that marched through the Charlottesville campus with tiki torches chanting Jews! Will Not! Replace Us! and ask what happened when their bosses found out what these randy lads had been up to.
• You work at the rental counter of a car rental agency at the airport. For security purposes there’s a high chain link fence surrounding the property. This pisses you off since it means you have to walk the long way around to get to your car. So, on a day off you walk around the outside of the fence carrying an AR-15 and screaming out Tear down this wall, Mr Manager! while you fire blanks into the air. Say Hi to these lovely officers, Ms. Boebert

Let’s be honest. There’s nothing left of the traditional GOP to save. It’s been taken over by flying f*cktards, engaging in performance art to fill their pockets and get their fat, ugly faces on FUX News. And they’re backed by a sh*t-for-brains former President with an slobbering army of mental defectives ready to use violence to keep the rest of the GOP in line. There is only one solution. Keep hammering these sh*theels at the ballot box until there aren’t enough of them left to make a difference.