Ron DeSantis’s Political Epitaph Will Be Written With A Single Word

You never get a second chance to make a first impression

Before we get to the meat and potatoes of this little ditty, this factoid from MSNBC’s Iowa caucus coverage is just too freakin’ hysterical to not memorialize here.

Like most news networks and media outlets, MSNBC uses both entrance polling as well as exit polling. In most caucus states, it’s the entrance polling that rules the roost. Simply because you can’t just walk into a caucus, vote, and leave. You have to sit in a high school gym and spend at least an hpour listening to a representative of each candidate beg you for your vote.

And two questions tell you everything you need to know about the Iowa GOP mentality. In the first question, 63% of Iowa GOP voters honestly believe that Joe Biden is an illegitimate President, as opposed to 31% think Biden was the winner.

The second question was even more telling. When asked, 63% of GOP Iowa caucus voters stated that Traitor Tot would be qualified to serve as President even if he was a convicted felon. Again, 31% said that he would be disqualified from serving.

One possible explanation. As a lifelong neighbor of Iowa, being born and raised in Chicago, I have been in, through, and out of Iowa more times than is probably safe for a city boy. And I have come to the conclusion that at least 63% of Iowa GOP caucus goers eat their Rice Krispies in the morning while thumbing through organic fertilizer catalogs. SISO Sh*t In Sh*t Out

As we speak at about 6:30 PM PST, MSNBC has already projected El Pendejo Presidente is the winner of the Iowa caucuses. From where I’m sitting, they could have made that call two weeks ago, and still have been as safe as houses. Whatever excitement or suspense that is left tonight is purely about who finishes in 2nd place. Quick! Who lost to the Las Vegas Golden Knights in the Stanley cup finals last year? Who cares, right? They lost!

But the final finish is compellingly important to both Ron DeSantis and Nikki Haley, but for different reasons. As I wrote previously Nikki Haley saw the writing on the wall early. Nothing was going to stop Trump from winning Iowa. And so, while she did her due diligence, made the appearances, pent a little bit, her concentration was on New Hampshire and South Carolina.

On the other hand, Florida’s Flop Gov, Ron Pissantis went all in on Iowa. In more ways than one, which I will get to in uno momento. Pissantis did a Grassley, personally visiting each one of Iowa’s 99 counties. He spent millions on a massive ground operation to knock on doors and make phone calls. And if you want to go one hour without seeing a Pissantis ad on television, all you can do is to leave the damn thing off.

And right now the results are eerily similar to the last NBC News/Des Moines Register poll released over the weekend. Trump is at 54%, Haley is at 20%, and DeSantis is at 16%. A finish like that allows Haley to proudly pronounce that she has The Big Mo!, and move onto New Hampshire, where she’s within single digits of Trump.

But for DeathSantis it’s a crushing debacle, for a couple of reasons. First of all, in national statewide polling, Iowa was the only state in which DeSantis was running in double digits! Even in his own home state of Florida, Trump is crushing DeSantis, who isn’t even polling about 10%. For DeSantis, even a 2nd place finish more than 30% behind Trump, would be a crushing defeat.

But here’s the 2nd reason why this is a death knell for DeSantis. DeSantis has been boasting about loving being an underdog, and surpassing expectations. What unutterable bullsh*t. DeSantis was bottom feeding in the GOP primary polls for Governor in 2018 until Trump tapped him on the shoulder with his pixie wand stuffed with emoluments clause foreign bucks. And even then he barely beat the Democrat to win.

And as Joy Ann Reid pointed out tonight on MSNBC, since the day that Joseph Biden was declared the winner of the 2020 election. Pissantis has engineered the last four years of his Governorship in monolithically running for the 2024 Iowa caucuses. And every legislative move he made was geared to make Iowa Evangelicals love him!

Pissantis turned the Florida public school system into a 3rd world modern version of an 1860’s one room schoolhouse, hopefully with the teachers as racist as he was when he taught. He actually got into a legal pissing contest with a cartoon mouse who defied him, which cost the state a $1.2 billion Disney expansion project. And when they bolted the project, he took away their special development status, putting hndreds of millions of tax burden back on the residents of the three counties the Disney complex touches.

Teri has been to several midnight showings of The Rocky Horror Picture Show, she loves the thing. But only DeathSantis could turn it into The Abortion Horror Picture Show, with a 6 week abortion bill signed at midnight, so nobody would notice. Effectively turning Florida into a statewide version of A Handmaids Tale.

All of that is toxic enough, but when DeSantis’s political epitaph is shortly written, none of it was what actually killed his candidacy. For the simple reason that at least he was playing for the base. The fact that he’s currently running at 20% in the Iowa voting shows what a pathetic candidate he was. But in pandering to Iowa, he made himself unelectable everywhere else. It wasn’t terrible politics, it was terrible stupidity.

But that wasn’t what killed his campaign or his aspirations, nor was it the single word that will define his epitaph. What did I write above? You never get a second chance to make a first impression. And when any candidate holds his coming out, he or she is desperately searching for a catchy slogan, a perky jingle, an enticing idea, in other words, a bumper sticker moment.

DeSantis, apparently without any outside input, established his bumper sticker slogan early, and announced it with incredible gusto. *:10 drum roll please*

WOKE!

That was it. The liberals were WOKE! His opponents were all WOKE! Everybody who disagreed with him about anything was WOKE! And once he discovered it, he was like a toddlers first words. Mama, Mama, Mama, Mama, Mama. WOKE! WOKE! WOKE! But at least the word Mama actually means something. Here’s just a short synopsis of what Pissantis tried to make one simple, four letter word mean;

Liberalism, Transphobia, homophobia, Drag Queens, juvenile sex change therapy, illegal immigrants, abortion rights, and the ever popular critical race theory.

Which one is he talking about? I dunno, take your pick. Worse yet, with DeSantis trying like hell to make WOKE! stand for all those things, it turns out that the word WOKE! actually already stood for something. It stands for being mentally and logically aware of outstanding social and political issues, and taking a stand on those positions. And it turned out that when people actually understood the meaning of the word? they actually kind of liked the concept of being WOKE! Better than being a brain dead Trombie.

Just look at the campaign history. Especially in Iowa and New Hampshire. In the early months, through the summer, every speech or rally that DeSantis held was an unending litany of WOKE! WOKE! WOKE! WOKE! WOKE! WOKE! WOKE! WOKE! And when he went from within striking distance of Trump to actually fighting with Nikki Haley for 2nd place in a state she wasn’t seriously competing in that the word WOKE! disappeared from his vocabulary.

I don’t care, I’ll say it. Ron DeSantis is one of the sh*ttiest politicians I have ever seen. He was elected to the House in a safely gerrymandered district. Once he got there, more than half of his own GOP caucus members didn’t even know he was there! Without Trump, DeSantis would be out of politics right now. He would have gotten creamed in the gubernatorial primaries, and have given up his House seat to run. But once Trump elevated him, he actually started to believe that he was all-that-and-a-bag-of-chips. Wrong-o.

DeSantis is political toast. He spent more than $30 million to finish 30 points behind Trump. Haley can continue on with AFP funding her campaign, but the big donation funski valve is shut off for DeSantis. And don’t give me any of that Running for 2028 bullsh*t. The only7 thing that DeSantis did with his ill fated 2024 run was to give every GOP 2028 candidate enough free ammunition to send him to the bottom before the Iowa caucuses even get there. You never get a second chance to make a first impression.

I thank you for the privilege of your time.

LATE BREAJUBG! MSNBC just projected that Ron DeSantis will finish 2nd in Iowa with 20%. Meaning that DeSantis spent $30 million in Iowa to lost to Trump by 30% points. Which means that DeSantis lost Iowa by $1 million per point. I rest my case.