Ron DeSantis Missed His True Calling. And The Funny Thing Is, He Was THERE!

Sadly I found myself helplessly watching several chunks of Florida Governor Ron DeSantis’ speech to what appeared from what I saw to be a totally underwhelmed audience at the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library. And I immediately decided that poor old Ronnie Raygun must be rolling over in his grave at the thought of a sniveling Toady like Pissantis invoking Reagan’s persona to compare tp himself.

Ig you have so far managed to avoid suffering through any extended Pissantis remarks, then pat yourself on the back. But if you are interested in politics, and want to see why Pissantis’ bid for the GOP nomination is already doomed, then force yourself to catch at least five uninterrupted minutes of a DeSantis speech, and you’ll see what I mean.

For starters, DeSantis has one of the worst political voices I have ever heard. A good political voice is powerful and inspirational. Even with female politicians, they have a carefully crafted timbre to their voices, which allows them to raise and lower their voice, change their cadence, and when needed thunder out from the podium like God’s voce speaking to Moses from the mountaintop. Mostly Pissantis sounds like a 12 year old who is still waiting for his left nut to drop. And he has absolutely no ability to modulate his voice up and down for emphasis. For you movie buffs, he reminds me of comedian Steven Wright, who was the voice of the radio show host on Reservoir Dogs.

I think I know why this is, at least partly. It turns out that Pissantis is so desperate to be Trump that he has spent hours studying memorizing, and aping Trump’s facial expressions and body motions. To the point that Lawrence O’Donnell showed a split screen of DeSantis and Trump on MSNBC. Everything Trump did, Pissantis aped as perfectly as possible. And when you’re mentally trying to imitate someone else, then it can only be that you lose yourself in the process. As a former standup comic I can tell you that your rhythm, cadence, voice tone and body motions have to be natural. And DeSantis’s are none of those.

It’s hard to imagine DeSantis actually running for President when he’s obviously so far in over his head just trying to be a Governor. The only thing that Pissantis has going for him as Governor is a totally compliant herd of milk cows for a state legislature. Whatever brainless political platitudes he spits out, his legislature immediately falls all over itself to make it so. And that is a recipe for disaster in a presidential campaign. Just look at his record;

• Pissantis spent millions of taxpayer money, including graft to relocate a handful of refugees from Texas to Martha’s vineyard through Florida, via private jets! How many of Pissantis’ senior constituents have ever sat on a private jet?
• DeSantis set up a private election fraud police that answers only to him. He proudly announced that they had already made 20 arrests. Right. On defendant copped a plea deal, and every case that has gone to court has been thrown out on procedural reasons
• DeSantis just signed the paperwork to strip the Disney company of its autonomous zone privileges of self rule. And in doing so, he just laid the constituents and businesses in the counties that the Disney complex is spread over with an estimated $1.2 billion tax shortfall they’ll have to cover, since Disney paid through their own fees at the parks and resorts
• Every damn time Pissantis signs an executive order or his bovine legislature passes a law, it ends up in court. And the vast majority of them will be thrown out as either illegal under law, or unconstitutional

Getting the pattern here? DeSantis’ administration isn’t about governing or legislation, it’s all about the show! That’s DeSantis agenda. Hold a press conference, or sign a law, and make a media splash for the base. And if it turns out two years down the road that the law of executive order is struck down as illegal or unconstitutional, Who cares?! He got the splash, end of story. And his base has the long term memory capability of a jellyfish. Besides, there will have been 20 more splashes since then.

Which is why DeSantis is in the wrong profession. The one job for which DeSantis is perfectly suited is as a GOP House member of the Freedom Caucus! Everything DeSantis is doing as Governor is nothing more or less than pure performance art. And in the House GOP, that kind of flair is rewarded with unlimited face time on FUX News, and massive donations to his reelection campaign.

But when you’re running for President, it’s the kiss of death. because when it comes to the moderate and independent voters that Pissantis must appeal to in order to win in 2024, It doesn’t really matter. It doesn’t matter whether or not denying African Americans their own legitimate history, or denying LGBTQ teachers and students from discussing their own home lives in class, or denying reformed felons their constitutional voting rights under Florida law, or punishing a major corporation for siding with LGBTQ rights is ultimately found legal or not under Florida law. All they know is that the whole thing fucking sucks, and they want no part of it. Pissantis should have just stayed in the House, where he fit like a glove.