You know, there are at least a hundred reasons to hate a sleazy, little two bit thief like Scott Pruitt, and I hate him for every one of them. But if there’s one reason I hate the most, it’s the fact that his lies are even more stupid than the ones his boss tells.
Here’s an example. Cast your mind back seven years. OK, you got me. It was really only one year ago, but under Trump we’re all dogs, and seven dog years equal one human year. Scott Pruitt took a ton of heat when it came out that he was flying first class commercially on domestic flights, all on the taxpayers dime. His reason for living it up was compelling. Pruitt had to fly first class for security reasons, due to several “unpleasant” conversations with coach passengers who recognized him.
With me so far? Pruitt had to fly surrounded by a better “class” of people, because his delicate little snowflake fee-fee’s kept getting bruised by all of us shitkickers in the back. You know, the ones who bought his ticket? There’s only one small problem with this line of logic. It is pure and unadulterated bullshit.
Because, first class ain’t what it used to be. Trust me on this, my father worked for United for almost 40 years, I grew up an “airline brat.” Back in the “old days,” there were two tickets, full fare coach, and first class. First class tickets were 3-4 times the cost of a coach ticket, and in the days of government regulation, coach seats weren’t cheap. But, in the wild west days of deregulation, the matrix has completely changed.
Airlines sell almost no full fare first class tickets these days! Real business moguls and titans of industry zoom around on company jets, hell, even Glorious Bleater has a (highly leveraged) company plane. Rock stars, top tier athletes and entertainers, and trust fund babies charter private jets. So, who the hell is sitting in all of those spacious leather seats up front?
Well, “business people.” Remember, not people like Carl Icahn or Steve Mnuchin, they’re on company planes or charters. What we’re talking about is mid to upper middle level salesmen and businessmen, burning company frequent flier miles on upgrades as a perk. In other words, ordinary Joe’s, pissed about having to be on the road all of the time.
Then, there’s Leo and Lucy Leisure. These guys have an “airline miles” credit card. They max out the card every month on groceries and gas, and then struggle with the interest rates so that when they go to visit the kids, or take a vacation, they can upgrade, and get a free drink or two, and a sandwich and bag of chips that didn’t cost them $6.75 in the back. Salt of the earth so to speak.
And then there’s me. That’s right, me. The undisputed, #1, size twelve shitkicker of all time. Just under three years ago I flew Alaska Airlines from Vegas to Portland to visit two of my daughters. I got a suh-weet deal, something like $159 r/t with a two week advance purchase. When I got to the airport koisk (I don’t have a printer) to get my boarding pass, the machine offered me the chance to upgrade to first class for $40! That’s right, my ticket was like $80 bucks one way, and for $40 more they offered me first class. I’m 6’4″, and at that time about 320 lbs. Let me tell you dudes and dudettes, I was so down with that!
So, there you have it. Scott Pruitt’s entire rationale for his specious excess blows away like a house of cards in a hurricane. A “better class of people” my ass. If I ever get the chance to see Scott Pruitt plunk down next to me in 2C, we’re gonna have a little chat, “swell” to “swell.” What’s he gonna do next, ask The Orange Tufted Poodle to sign an executive order granting him a commercial pilots license, so he can hide out in the cockpit in the jump seat? Loser.
