Jarvanka Tried To Get An Audience With Queen Elizabeth Because ‘They Thought They Were America’s Royal Family’

The arrival of a new Trump tell-all book necessitates going back over the same old ground we went over before and found it unbelievable then. It doesn’t sound any less incredible in the second telling, it’s merely lost some of its initial shock value. Bess Levin at Vanity Fair did a synopsis of Stephanie Grisham’s new book, “I’ll Take Your Questions Now” on the Trump White House and it’s filled with goodies, including that Trump called Grisham from Air Force One to talk about his penis. Just the Commander in Chief having a normal one, righto.

Trump behaved inappropriately with Grisham, too, she wrote — once calling her from Air Force One to assure her that his penis was not small or toadstool-shaped, as the porn star Stormy Daniels had alleged.

Elsewhere, we learn that Trump aides treated the president of the United States like a small child or adult with advanced dementia, who could be soothed by his favorite songs. Except they weren’t played via an iPhone or piped through the White House sound system but by a guy who, by the sound of it, followed Trump around the West Wing like some kind of piano-playing ghost in a haunted house. Per the New York Times:

At one point, she writes, Mr. Trump’s handlers designated an unnamed White House official known as the “Music Man” to play him his favorite show tunes, including “Memory” from “Cats,” to pull him from the brink of rage. (The aide, it is revealed later, is Ms. Grisham’s ex-boyfriend. She does not identify him, but it is Max Miller, a former White House official now running for Congress with Mr. Trump’s support.)

Yes, Cats. He’s truly a man of exquisite tastes, isn’t he? Other revelations from “I’ll Take Your Questions Now” include, allegedly:

• That Trump cuts his own hair with “a huge pair of scissors,” a claim we can believe;

• That at a meeting between the POTUS and Vladimir Putin in 2019, Trump told the president of Russia, “I’m going to act a little tougher with you for a few minutes. But it’s for the cameras, and after they leave we’ll talk. You understand,” which we can also believe;

• That Trump “became obsessed with a young, female press aide” and “constantly asked where the aide was during press events…and allegedly once requested that she be brought to his cabin on Air Force One so he could “look at her [behind]”;

• That aides had to lie to him about loaning Air Force One to George H.W. Bush’s family after he died because “dead bodies, death, sickness — those things really…creep him out.”

And that Melania Trump hates her husband just as much as everyone thinks. Per the Post:

The airing of Trump’s alleged affair with porn star Stormy Daniels is what “unleashed” Melania Trump to start publicly contradicting or ignoring her husband — trying to embarrass him as he had embarrassed her. She walked into his first State of the Union address arm-in-arm with a handsome military aide Grisham had hand-selected because, Melania said, the floors of the Capitol were too slippery. “I laughed to myself because I’d seen the woman navigate dirt roads in her heels,” Grisham writes.

And when Grisham drafted a tweet for Melania requesting privacy, saying she was concentrating on being a mother, wife and first lady, she had Grisham remove the word “wife.” What the scandal didn’t unleash was an emotional reaction. Grisham wrote that Melania Trump didn’t believe her husband’s denials of the affair, but essentially shrugged it all off:“This is Donald’s problem. He got himself into this mess. He can fix it by himself.”

Of course Jared and Ivanka tried to shove their way into a meeting with Queen Elizabeth

In addition to Melania and Donald, Grisham also has details to share about the president’s daughter and son-in-law, all of which sound like the Javanka we know. Per the Post:

[Grisham] is particularly negative about the president’s daughter, Ivanka Trump, and her husband Jared Kushner — both of whom held senior White House positions. She wrote that the first lady and White House staff called Ivanka “the Princess” who regularly invoked “my father” in work meetings, and Grisham dubbed Kushner “the Slim Reaper” for his habit of inserting himself into other people’s projects, making a mess and leaving them to take the blame.

Tellingly, Grisham writes that Ivanka and Jared tried to push their way into meeting Queen Elizabeth II alongside the president and first lady, a wild breach of protocol on a state visit, but were thwarted when they couldn’t fit into the helicopter. “I finally figured out what was going on,” Grisham writes. “Jared and Ivanka thought they were the royal family of the United States.”

This is a couple that took senior positions in the White House despite having no business being there, and reportedly wouldn’t let the people protecting their lives use one of their many toilets. So yes, that checks out.

You have to be a very low sort of individual to deny people who work for you simple human courtesies, but then again we’re not talking about any kind of normal people. Being born to money is a curse for some people because it warps their perceptions and they never figure out what’s really going on around them. I think Jarvanka fits that description.

It’s interesting how innocent America was in 2015 and how the advent of Trump world shocked us all. We were simply not used to the denizens of the New York tabloids showing up as stewards of the nation’s responsibilities and sacred rituals.. What I find amazing is that there were 74 million people who wanted more of the same.