I’m Getting Sick Of Hearing “Trump CAN’T Do Jail Time.” Of Course He Can

The closer we get to Traitor Tot finally getting his just desserts, and the more real it becomes as we watch each televised hearing, the more and more pundits keep coming out and saying that Trump can’t do hard prison time. It would be a logistical nightmare for both his own security, as well as the safety and security of his Secret Service detail. 

What a steaming pile of Bullsh*t! Of course His Lowness can do the time, Other countries have imprisoned Presidents and Prime Ministers for all kinds of skullduggery all the time. The only difference between our ass clown and their ass clowns didn’t/don’t have a full time Secret Service detail. BFD, There are plenty of ways to lock El Pendejo Presidente away, even if we can’t throw away the key. And the funny thing is that the US has already used or is already using two of them.

My first one is admittedly whimsical, but it got the juices flowing, and it will kind of give you the general drift. Alcatraz Federal Prison is a national monument. They even give tours. But it’s still functional, and the tours don’t go everywhere. Rehab and modernize a small portion of it, toss in some Bureau of Prison guards, whatever administrators you need, and there ya go. The Secret Service can either work in shifts, or stay days and bunk in the old guards quarters. And here’s the best part. They can either boat or chopper over meals from the federal lockup in downtown San Francisco, so Trump can get the full body immersion of being a federal inmate by eating what everybody else eats.

Whimsical I grant you, but when you forget that, and look at the actual logistics, you can see how it would work. Now that we’ve had our fun, let’s move on to the two options that the US government has already used or is using currently.

When Adolf Twitler and Gruppenracist Stephen Miller decided to start ripping toddlers from their parents arms without taking any responsibility for reuniting them, they ran out of space most riki-tik. DHS and CBP tried putting cages everywhere in their facilities that actually employees weren’t sitting in, but it was purely a stopgap measure that raised almost fury as the child separation.

What to do, what to do? Elementary, my dear Watson. They started leasing up closed and shuttered K-Marts and Home Depots. Board up the windows, do a quick rehab, some toilets and showers, a kitchen, paint, beds to sleep on, desks for schooling, a play area, a staff area, and the kids were poured in. The main doors were the only entry, and the back lot surface behind the loading docks were fenced off, and perfect for playtime.

Give me one reason why this wouldn’t work. Put a 12 foot fence with razor wire around the lot, add a main guard shack, and staff as needed. Once again, the Secret Service can either work in shifts, or have their own quarters for longer deployments. Add in some federal guards, the necessary on site administration, and again local prison or jail food can be imported in. From where I’m sitting, Trump is far more entitled to this treatment than a single one of the poor immigrant kids he subjected to the same thing. Talk about being hoist on your own petard.

The third option is an offshoot of the 2nd one. You know what else this country has a sh*tload of besides shuttered K-Marts and Home Depots? We have a sh*tload of shuttered military bases! And you know that as well as me, since we reopened some of them, in the most inhospitable places humanly imaginable, to make tent cities to stick immigrant children and families in. Remember?

And this one is a thing of beauty for two simple reasons. First of all, the freakin’ things are not only designed to keep people in, they’re designed to keep everybody else out! The security is all already in place. And second, unlike the empty K-Mart and Home Depot stores, we already own these freakin’ things! No monthly outlay for rent or utilities.

And it’s not like you have to reopen the whole thing. Put a new security fence up around some of the guest quarters, and the exercise yard, and open up what you need of the administration building. Once again, slap some Bureau of Prison guards at the main entrance, and strategic places inside, and the Secret Service can either shift or have their own guest quarters for extended stays on duty. You can also hire on a small kitchen staff to prepare small shipments of the same crap other federal prisoners are dining al fresco on.

Yeah, yeah, I know. Long term solitary confinement can be considered cruel and unusual punishment. OK. So give the sleazy bastard some playmates. The federal prison system is chock-a-block full of white collar, non violent convicts. Former residents Michael Cohen and disgraced Illinois Governor immediately come to mind, along with current resident Bernie Madoff. Clean up enough quarters, haul in enough food, and you’re set. I’m sure Trump and Madoff could lose hours talking about their favorite grifts and cons. And maybe they could put in a nine hole putt-putt golf course to torture Trump with.

You may be thinking that this has been one long treatise of sarcasm, but I’m deadly serious. There are all kinds of ways in which we can separate and incarcerate Trump, while ensuring both his personal safety, as well as that of his Secret Service detail. If he’s convicted, the whole object is equal treatment under the law, not home confinement. The whole point is involuntary incarceration. Sweet Jesus! If we can put a man on the moon, and send a Tesla to Mars, we can find a way to lock one fat, old, treasonous slob up! And we may as well start planning now, because he’s going down.