If The Rest Of Us Are WOKE!, Then The GOP Is In A Stupid Induced Coma

When the GOP met to settle on a messaging strategy for the 2024 general elections, they immediately ran into a roadblock. The GOP had no message, and they had no accomplishments to craft into a message. They spent all of their time extolling the virtues of Traitor Tot, trying to out Trump each other, and obstructing everything the Democrats tried to do. GOP could be renamed Gridlock On Policies.

So they tried to make lemonade out of lemons. Except that the lemons had worms, the sugar had bugs, and the water came from a Superfund clean up site. They doubled down on obsessive fealty to Trump, and carefully crafted campaigns against select minorities. After all, if Traitor Tot could run successfully against Blacks, Hispanics, Muslims, Gays, and anybody without a MAGA hat, why couldn’t they?

The Supreme Court decision overturning Roe kicked it into high gear. GOP controlled states went into a feeding frenzy to restrict or flat out ban abortions, which got the blood pumping. So they shifted to disgusting repressive, made up issues like banning Critical Race Theory in schools, even though it is only taught in advanced college law courses. They banned any mention of gay or alternative lifestyles in schools, started banning books from school shelves, redefined slavery, and banned critical trans medical treatments for minors, even with their parents consent.

They even had a cutesy bumper sticker moniker for it, Culture Wars. After all, there’s nothing the Trombie base likes than going to war with a mostly defenseless opponent. Unfortunately, since El Pendejo Presidente was Hoovering up all the small money donations, the GOP didn’t have money for focus groups. Culture Wars flopped. None of the rustics seemed to be able to catch on on as exactly what they were fighting for or against. The GOP was stuck with just passing bad laws and selling it the best they could.

We need a hero! And riding in on a white Shetland pony comes Florida’s pocket dictator, Ron Pissantis to save the day! Obviously a student of Politics For Dummies, since he is one himself, he went with the KISS principle, Keep It Simple Stupid! He trash compacted every petty grievance the GOP has, and compressed into the single cube of WOKE!

Different bullsh*t, same stink. WOKE! crashed like Icarus flying too close to the sun. WOKE! became his pet word, used at least twice in every paragraph, with the subliminal inference of inherent evil on the left. The problem is that the Trump base had no idea of what the f*ck WOKE! meant. It was like that nebulous monster-in-the-closet when you were a kid. You were scared, but you didn’t know of what?

Worse yet, the voters with 12 functioning brain cells, the very ones Pissantis was trying to attract weren’t buying it. They know full well what WOKE! means, and if it means being aware and responsive to the outside world, they were as WOKE! as hell. Shock Jock Howard Stern put a stake through Pissantis’s vampire heart today when he said;

What is it with the GOP and WOKE!? If WOKE! means not being able to get behind Trump, which is what I think it means, if it means being for immigration and letting trans people live their lives, then call me WOKE all you f@cking want! What I am is anti stupid

I know, this is all entertaining, but so what? You should know better than that by now. I seldom come in here without a McGuffin, and here it is.

Call it Culture Wars or call it WOKE!, the intent was still the same, to inflame the base with grievances against others to the polls next November. But they flopped on both counts. This by itself wouldn’t be fatal, since the GOP has 13 months yet to find some cobbled up bullsh*t to inflame the base before then. But they already crossed the Rubicon.

Please recall that as I’ve written, in 2010 the GOP went all-in on flipping statehouses in 2010 so that they could use redistricting to gerrymander control of the states for at least a decade. That worked. Later I wrote that once Trump was inaugurated in 2017, El Pendejo Presidente’s dipsh*t wingman, Steve Two Shirts Bannon immediately tried to take the strategy local. He went to his slobcast and hammered away at the faithful to start infiltrating local institutions like school boards, library board, city, town, and county boards to start flexing their muscles at the local level. start deconstructing the establishment from the inside. And that worked too, since most voters who bother to vote down ballot don’t bother to go all the way down to the local races. And if they do, it’s pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey.

But once again the GOP went a bridge too far. As I recently wrote, Country Club Republicans are fleeing the MAGA GOP, and lots of them are taking the plunge and registering as Democrats. Which means they’ll tend to vote Democratic down the ballot.

And that’s bad news for Bannon and the GOP. because most suburban GOP voters, especially women voters, don’t want their children to be taught that slavery was a job training program for African Americans. They don’t want their children to be afraid to tell their teachers or fellow students that they have same sex parents. They don’t want their children to be blocked from diversity in the books they have access to in the school library. And they now know they have the power to make a positive change.

I said that the GOP was in a stupid coma for two reasons. First, the GOP ignored the fact that a national message is exactly that, a message. It’s meant to inspire voters to voting, not to do the goddamn thing! The power drunk GOP legislatures actually enacted their threats, and now they have a voter rebellion on their hands.

Second, the idiots ignored the First Rule of Parenting, Never Tip Your Hand! Any parent who tells an 11 yo, I’m going to the store. If you look in our closet for your birthday present, it’s going back to the store!, they just made it both irresistible and inevitable that the bedroom closet was job one. Most kids have either or cell phones and or tablets. And those tablets likely have Kindles on them. Banning a book simply makes that forbidden fruit that the tykes will have downloaded on the bus on the way home. Tell the kids, We won’t be discussing gay lifestyles in class this year, and gay lifestyles will rocket to the top of the Google search engine for the under 18 set before dinnertime.

I have already written that going into 2024, the Democrats have a built in advantage, on several fronts. First of all, if 2024 comes down to the lesser of two evils, then Biden has it in the bag, especially when Il Douche’s trials start dominating the news. And while the GOP has no coherent message, other than white grievance, the Democrats have abortion rights, voting rights, gun control and LGBTQ rights. And now those Country Club Republicans are coming to the party with their own pet causes, mainly gender and lifestyle equality and free and accurate education. Blade summed it up perfectly when he said, Some motherf*ckers are always trying to ice skate uphill. 

I thank you for the privilege of your time.