It’s another beyond parody moment from our friends the evangelical wingnuts. They don’t bother to read the portions of the Bible where Jesus says things like, “Render under Caesar that which is Caesar’s and unto God that which is God’s.” Yes, if you read the New Testament, many was the time when Jesus would say to his disciples that they needed to go fish for a while and make some money so that they could go about their ministry. He wasn’t always turning water into wine, the man actually had skills and worked for a living.
Not today’s evangelicals. They get into the prosperity consciousness business precisely because they don’t want to work. In that mode, if you “bee-leave” God for this or that, he will give it to you. Seriously. Kenneth Copeland has a pamphlet, which you can send away for, and it’s titled “How To Believe God For A House.” In it are various passages of scripture, which if you bee-leave enough, the house will virtually fall on you, like in Wizard of Oz.
If this mentality suits you, then you’ll love what you’re about to read. And of course it’s Joe Biden’s fault. But wait, isn’t Trump really truly in office, but he’s just hiding? Don’t ask us, we’re stumped by that logical conundrum.
QAnon conspiracy theorist Dave Hayes (aka "The Praying Medic") says there is no reason to worry about the "globalists" trying to "starve us to death and destroy our economies" because God will miraculously "multiply the food we have" and allow cars to run without gas. pic.twitter.com/QnGikhsqXj
— Right Wing Watch (@RightWingWatch) April 5, 2022
What’s that you say? How are we going to multiply the food? Well, I assume it’s loaves and fishes time. Although I never did understand that. I actually got a dirty look from a Sunday school teacher when I asked, “So if you break the loaf and the fish in half and pass it down and the other person does that, don’t some people end up with a quarter of a loaf or an eighth of a loaf?” Math doesn’t apply to miracles and we wish these people who are going to do this a lot of luck. With my luck, if I start breaking the Big Mac in half, somebody is going to end up with crumbs and it will probably be me.
As to transportation, IÂ guess that the smart thing to do, would just be to wish that all the cars become electric, right? I mean, those run for days on end without gas and you don’t even have to pray. But while we’re in miracle mode, the hell with automobiles, gas or electric. I want to fly. Better yet, I want to fly on the back of a unicorn and we’ll soar up and away: to the rainbow, which is made out of sherbert and have a tea party with the leprechaun that lives at the end of it.
I like my supernatural kingdom a whole lot more than I like this guy’s. Mine isn’t so depressing.
I don’t want to bother with cars either. I want to simply take off and fly like Superman. Maybe if I pray really, really hard god will miracle me a special milkshake infused with stardust made up of people who died when Krypton exploded. After drinking it I’ll have Superman like powers! And if I need money I can just swoop in real fast and snatch bags of cash from the dudes carrying full sacks back & forth from armored cars and banks! Is that too much to ask of god?
And the Lord spake and said “Listen – you want to do without fuel for a car? Go get a donkey. It was good enough for Jesus, Mary and Joseph.
Oh and stock up on barley loaves – it won’t work with wheat or rye”