I’m sure you know about the “bigly” announcement Trump made earlier this week about being able to own a piece of the suit he wore for his mugshot after turning himself in for arrest in Georgia. For the low, low price of purchasing 47 of his “awesome” trading cards at $99 each you too can own a piece of “the most famous suit ever!” FYI $99 X 47 cards comes out to… $4,653. Plus “shipping and handling I’m sure. Trump will figure out a way to round up the cost to an even five thousand bucks!
Well, I have some thoughts, and questions/issues. Let’s start with a fact we all know to be true which is that Trump is not just a grifter but a cheap bastard. Always has been. Does anyone but a dubmass slobbering MAGA goober believe Trump would actually let them cut up one of his suits? As President Biden would say, “Come on man!” Let’s assume that maybe he spilled some ketchup on it and would have tossed it out except for coming up with the idea to spring this “deal” at Christmas time in a “Give the best holiday gift ever” type pitch. (Brain Breach alert) Did he have at least the PANTS dry cleaned? I shudder at the thought of what might be soiling the crotch and seat of that suit. (Now that I think about it the answer would be no. Trump is that effing cheap!)
However I have no doubt there are MAGAs out there that will go for this. If kids go without presents or new clothes and the family has to live on beans for months well hell, it’s piece of history! (At least the space between their ears where a functioning brain should be) Also, some folks who can actually spare five grand will buy them and probably raffle them off to recoup some or most of the cost. Or maybe if they live in MAGA territory make a profit! But I digress.
Personally I think Trump will have had someone go to a fabric store or factory and grab up the cheapest bolt of cloth they could get, if not outright steal it. That way he could sell lots more of little pieces of “THE suit” in this scam. That got me to thinking however. Just how many pieces could he sell from one of his actual suits? Again, I’m making an assumption based on Trump being the cheap bastard we all know he is. Do you think he’d sell something the size of a “swatch” (anywhere from four to six inches each side) of the type any real tailor would have on hand? Ok, now that you’re done laughing and have wiped the tears from your eyes I’ll continue. The answer of course is no. This IS Trump so while he’d want them to be smaller, the pieces he’d send to the suckers would likely be one square inch in size.
Once I came to that judgement I started to wonder, just how much fabric is there in a man’s suit? I’m taller (and bigger as well as fatter) than normal. A legitimate 6’4″ with a 54″ chest and longer than normal even for my height arms. I’m pretty sure there’s quite a bit of fabric in my suits (I still have some in my closet) and that was the case even before I became disabled and got fat – as fat as Trump I have to admit. The internet can be a wonderful thing sometimes and I typed in the question “how much fabric is in a men’s suit?” and lo & behold I found this site. I won’t bore you with all the different factors it says have to be taken into account and give you the basic number.
It takes a minimum of 3.5 yards of fabric to make a suit. It also mentions that this is from cloth that’s 6p inches wide. That comes to 7,560 square inches of cloth! That’s a lot of little pieces of “history” Trump can sell if there’s enough suckers out there. If there are enough suckers to buy it all up that’s a cool $37.8 million bucks. Not too shabby so it’s no wonder Trump’s giving it a try. But wait, it gets better. It relates to the title picture I showed. As you know (and the picture which was taken at West Point on the day he survived the infamous “ramp of death) like me Trump is way over a healthy weight for his height. That means extra fabric. Also the average adult male in the U.S. is about 5’10-11″ and while Trump has never been the 6’3″ he claims to be he’s likely perhaps as tall as 6’1” so let’s assume that. Then factor in the extra fabric to make a suit big enough around the gut that he can button it.
I can guarantee you there’s more than 3.5 yards of fabric in one of Trump’s suits. At least another half-yard, and while maybe not 4.25 yards I’m sure it’s between 4.0 and 4.25 yards so let’s split the difference. That comes out to 4.3 yards of fabric. A little more calculating means that gives us 9,288 square inches of “historic Trump mug shot suit” he can sell off! That ups his potential take to 46.4 million bucks. However, even if there are that many suckers out there you know damn well Trump will keep selling. Not that he’d sell the actual suit to begin with but however many people order one Trump will send them a piece of his “suit.” And it will of course be “fully authenticated” by “the very best people” to really, REALLY be Trump’s actual mugshot suit. Trump himself will swear by it!
The craps this con-man comes up with is truly amazing to me sometimes. But better than anyone since P.T. Barnum Trump knows there’s a sucker born every minute.
Anyway this was rattling around in my head and while not really political news I found is amusing in a twisted sort of way so I thought why not share it? I just hope that if you’ve read this you’re feeling more amazed (with hopefully a tinge of amusement like I have) than nauseated.
Just Like Tom Thumb’s Blues
“Now, all the authorities, they just stand around and boast
How they blackmailed the sergeant-at-arms into leaving his post
And picking up Angel, who just arrived here from the coast
Who looked so fine at first but left looking just like a ghost””
A piece of history? Well, maybe in the same way a turd from Bonzo’s (as in Bedtime for…) diaper might be. Honestly, anyone purchasing well, really anything from drumpf, but this stuff in particular deserves to be broke.
What is amazing is how the solid color suit he was booked in in, now has pinstripes.
For that kind of money, he will reveal that he was actually wearing 3 suits under the one shown, 4 suits total to slice and dice.
Since the Trump we all know has gone to such lengths to continue inhaling Elephants’ farts for lunch, he DOES wear lifts in his clown shoes, which, if you look close enough, are flattened from the arch to the non-existent toe position … Typical clown shoes, that obviously provide NO roll-over support for his balancing act on his toes and heels … it’s a wonder he has not taken a huge spill in public, ‘the stupendously steep and difficult ramp’, that Biden, virtually ran up when HE was there … Was a close call for sure …
Of course, that adds a couple inches to your formula … The Tent and Awning place that sewed up several yards of draping material to make Trump’s smashed-hour-glass-figure less obtuse … They may have had a couple extra yards of sail cloth to match the wall-hanging sized pattern … Trump’s early start on grift to the public while, (presidenty), was when he offered doctored-up prints of his marvelous time on the steps of our Capitol, along with Pence who did not seem to mind the false imaging because He, as well as Trump signed the bogus photos in gold, metallic letters, just as if they were actually worth the $500. ea. the suckers paid …
Using high magnifying power and measuring tools, it appeared that the photoshop job, which, given the complicated overlaps and start-stop areas, WAS pretty good but terribly obvious when once shown the changes, that (His), version included at least the original versions of at least 3 former REAL Presidents … This was the BIGGEST LIE he ever made for quite a while, for something that should be used for traction under your spinning tires in the winter … so THIS LIE was conceived and executed even before he spent any time in the oval office, telling the Russian agents top secret information …
Trump is already at the bottom of any former barrels of exit/legal funds … Both Trump AND Pence should be charged with fraud for bogus prints of his non-existent signed-but fake versions of his shit show … $500. dollars each would amount to a legal boondoggle for Trump and Pence to add to any other charges pending …
former barrels
That suit is roughly the size of Connecticut so there is a lot of fabric to go around. He could start a bidding war over snips from his tie for the twenty-five highest bidders.
how many medieval pilgrims purchased “a splinter of the True Cross”? Same thing, exactly. It’s a cult.