The One Way the Generals Could Have Run Trumpseth Out Of Town

A portmanteau is the merging of two names, when you have two characters (or concepts) that merge together as one unit, for a variety of reasons. Billary is a good example, of Bill and Hillary Clinton’s two for the price of one deal in the White House — a deal they were happy to offer up again and America would have been so much better off taking them up on it. But we can’t continue to cry over spilt milk, now can we? Donald Trump and Pete Hegseth are likewise a good pair for a portmanteau, for the reason that the two of them put together spells disaster for the military. Trump alone is bad enough but when combined with Pete Hegseth, whom nobody in the military respects, the two of them raise the word “incompetence” to new levels of meaning. Think of another word, “synergy” where the whole is greater than the sum of the parts it’s made of, and you have Trumpseth down to a tee. None other than Andy Borowitz has the perfect way to deal with the menace that Trumpseth poses.

QUANTICO, VIRGINIA (The Borowitz Report)—Pete Hegseth and Donald Trump’s plan to indoctrinate the nation’s top brass backfired spectacularly on Tuesday when the military audience started chanting, “Epstein, Epstein.”

Initially, Hegseth attempted to be heard over the roaring generals, but then burst into tears, sending mascara streaking down his cheeks.

Recognizing that the audience had turned against him, a panicked Donald Trump tried to flee the building but was foiled when the escalator he boarded suddenly lurched to a halt.

As the assembled commanders rose to their feet and continued the “Epstein” chant, Hegseth stormed off the stage and was heard muttering, “Fuck it, I’m going back to drinking.”

What a shame that it didn’t go down that way, eh what? But it’s the perfect fantasy, because the incantation, “Epstein” does to the ears of Trumpseth what holy water does to the flesh of a vampire and that is to burn horrifically. The subject must be changed and stat.

Reporters for major news outlets have found this out the hard way and gotten banned, so don’t expect the mainstream media to bail us out any time soon. The only chance that we have is that individual Americans begin to stand up to Trump, en masse, and Trumpseth in particular.

It was not the smartest idea for Trumpseth to have all those military minds convene today. Nobody knows what they talked about amongst themselves during a break, or afterwards at a meal, or what any of them will discuss when departing town later today. It is extremely likely that members of the military, shocked and horrified by the state of civilian leadership as it stands in this country today, began to make contingency plans.

The military was, in essence today, asked to anticipate a “war” against “the enemy within” which is the civilian population — or at least that 48.5% that doesn’t agree with the budding dictator in the Oval Office. How soon before these spoken out loud fantasies of Trumpseth’s turn into an illegal order? What happens then? And to whom?

How I wish the answer was as simple as chanting, “Epstein, Epstein.” We may come to wish for a day when something that basic worked.

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