Taxidermist & Robotics Team Say Pence Will Be Ready On June 7

It’s taken seemingly forever for this to happen but the breaking news is that on June 7 we will be treated to the sight of Mike Pence announcing a run for President.   Hey, we’ve been hearing about Pence wanting to do this since, well it seems like forever.  Ok, we’ve joked and ridiculed his belief he could go from the dude who adoringly gazed at Trump like Nancy Reagan did at her Ronnie to being an actual Presidential candidate.  Someone who was made of the kind of stuff that would make folks sit up and say “Wow – what a leader!”  Hell, he set up a PAC before halfway through Trump’s tenure that was supposed to position him to take over.

This begs the question of why it’s taken so long to get to this point – the “Official Announcement” of a Presidential Campaign.  In most cases candidates are delusional for trying, and Pence certainly falls into this category of those who have NO chance, zero of getting a major Party nomination.  Or often even a second tier Party nomination.  Regardless, of their chances in the real world their dreams, delusions of grandeur actually lead them to believe THEY are the chosen one.

So they ever so carefully plan out a grand spectacle to kick-off their (doomed) campaign.  It takes planning, attention to all manner of detail for something so monumental.  If they get it right, even the most hopeless candidates at least have an hour or so of “glory” before the whole thing implodes.  When they get it wrong?  Does the name Ron DeSantis ring any bells?

Some might argue Pence’s long wait was so other GOP hopefuls could take the stage and flame out, leaving him as the “obvious choice” to “rescue” the GOP.  Not a bad theory I guess.  But as I alluded to in the title there’s a more practical reason:

It takes some serious effort by some hugely talented people with specific skill sets to take a corpse and make it both truly lifelike AND animatronic!   It was hard work during his years as VP keeping Pence up and running.   Major, and I mean MAJOR upgrades were essential to ensure he’d be in full working order for multiple campaign appearances/interviews day after day.  For at least a week!  That’s how long anyone rooted in reality thinks is the maximum Pence’s candidacy will require this new and improved-only-in-appearance version will have to hold up to the daily grind of multiple events per day.

Add to that there’s the issue of having a good supply of spare parts, both robotic and skin and hair that matches Pence – that stuff tears awfully easily or so I’m told.  And to make him fully animatronic, so lifelike he looks and sounds like a real person AND is able to walk around on stage, through country fairs etc. will put a unique strain on the robotic stuff under that skin.  Not to mention the logistics of having a team that will be severely overworked, and ironing out details like the special tractor trailer rig that can hold spare Pence parts and a work suite.  And a second one the maintenance team can stay in in relative comfort.

However, they apparently think this new Mike Pence, Presidential Version is almost ready to roll out.  Word is they want to make sure the no-odor insect repellant that was developed will hold up for several hours between applications.  That fly thing during the debate was pretty embarrassing after all…

So boys and girls, fill up the cabinet with popcorn because the show is a coming next week.  In the meantime we’ll be treated to a chorus of “will it be funny or will it be sad/pathetic” commentary.

I say “Why not BOTH?”