Are there any scholars of American history here? Better yet, are there any Texans? I had a couple of dear friends who were Texans, but they have gone on to the big yellow rose encrusted prairie in the sky, having been of the WWII generation. Well do I recall sitting in their living room, watching TV some thirty years ago, and a news story about Texas secession came on. They both collapsed in helpless laughter. I merely looked at them and one of them said, wiping his eyes, ‘They’re doing it again. They threaten to secede from the Union about once every 15-20 years.”
He told me how on March 1, 1836, a gathering called the Convention of 1836 came to order, and the next day declared independence from Mexico, thereby establishing the Republic of Texas. Now it was its own country.
He also told me how Mexico had outlawed slavery in 1837, well before the U.S. did in 1865. That is an important thing to bear in mind, because Texas was an independent republic for ten years before it joined the United States as a slave state. You can see the broad brush strokes of what Texas is about.
And before I go further, let me say in no uncertain terms: some of my best friends have been Texans, not just the pair I’m talking about here. Some of the smartest and most accomplished people I have ever known have been Texans. One of my friends from Texas wrote the software to put the Viking Lander on Mars. So I do not vilify Texans as a group of people. I merely point out their collective heritage and trust me, when I have had these conversations with my Texas friends, they laugh harder than I do.
Back to our history lesson, there was a ten day siege from February 23, 1836 to March 6, 1836 at a San Antonio fort called the Alamo. Legend has it that every Texan, down to the last man died, but history also records that a few couriers got away, and when they say “last man” they were talking about white men.
Sam Houston rallied the troops the following month and on April 21, 1836 Houston’s army won a quick and decisive victory against Mexican forces at San Jacinto and gained independence. He then became the first president of the republic. Houston served two, non-consecutive terms as president (bear this little gem in mind, because the loons in the southwest are; they see it s an omen) and was instrumental in the Republic of Texas becoming one of the United States.
Now here’s what happened next, and this is why secession is so drop dead ridiculous a concept. Texas immediately applied for annexation to the United States because it had no army and no navy. All it had was the Texas Rangers, and they sure as hell could not defeat Santa Ana if he decided he wanted to come roaring over the border again.
The two major political parties of the day, the Democrats and the Whigs (this was pre-GOP) said, hell no. We don’t want them. The pro-slave versus anti-slave controversy was intense, as well you might expect in the last decades leading up to the Civil War. But James Polk saw the annexation of Texas, and Oregon, and what was then called “Mexican California” as part of the whole Manifest Destiny thing. Plus, and this is key, annexing Texas put a huge land mass between Mexico and the rest of the United States.
Be all that as it may, Mexico and the U.S. went to war in May of 1846 in large part because Texas got annexed in 1845 and Mexico construed that as an act of war. The war lasted until May of 1848.
I share this historical perspective with you for the purpose of displaying how thoroughly asinine it is, and always has been, for Texas to threaten to secede from the Union. It was sheer madness in the mid-1800’s, it is sheer madness today. It will never not be sheer madness, but that said, the threats to secede are baked into Texas culture and they emerge from time to time.
The most recent “threats” were delivered this weekend at the GOP convention. Yes, the very one where John Cornyn was booed, Dan Crenshaw was called “Eyepatch McCain” Ted Cruz was called out for being a globalist, etc. ad nauseum. And they decided that being gay was an “unnatural lifestyle” (and being MAGA isn’t?) and they talked about ignoring any federal laws they didn’t like and declared that Joe Biden was not a legitimate president. And so screw us, they want to secede.
All I can do is sigh and say, “Fuck ’em. Let ’em go.” If you want the best laugh you’re going to have all day, read Dana Milbank’s column in the Washington Post. It is a scream. Here are excerpts:
The Lone Star State does not have the best track record as a sovereign power. The Republic of Texas survived only 10 years from independence to annexation by the United States in 1845. Texas seceded during the Civil War — and, with the rest of the Confederacy, was crushed.
But, as the saying goes: If at first you don’t secede, try, try again. The Texas GOP now wants the state to vote on declaring independence. […]
The proposed platform (it’s expected to be approved when votes are tallied) adds: “Texas retains the right to secede from the United States, and the Texas Legislature should be called upon to pass a referendum consistent thereto.” It wants the secession referendum “in the 2023 general election for the people of Texas to determine whether or not the State of Texas should reassert its status as an independent nation.”
They’re serious as a heart attack. They want to institute a Confederate Theocracy. For the nth time I tell you, you can’t make this shit up.
In democracy’s place, the Republican Party, which enjoys one-party rule in Texas, is effectively proposing a church state. If you liked Crusader states and Muslim caliphates, you’ll love the Confederate Theocracy of Texas.
The Texas GOP platform gives us a good idea what such a paradise for Christian nationalists would look like. Texas would officially declare that “homosexuality is an abnormal lifestyle choice.” It would redefine marriage as a “covenant only between one biological man and one biological woman,” and it would “nullify” any court rulings to the contrary. (The gay Log Cabin Republicans were banned from setting up a booth at the convention.) It would fill schools with “prayer, the Bible, and the Ten Commandments” but ban “the teaching of sex education.” It would abolish all abortions and require students to “learn about the Humanity of the Preborn Child.” […]
The Texas Theocracy, which maintains that President Biden “was not legitimately elected,” would keep only traces of democracy. It wants the Voting Rights Act of 1965 “repealed,” and it would rewrite the state constitution to empower minority rule by small, rural (and White) counties. It would rescind voters’ right to elect senators and the Constitution’s guarantee of birthright citizenship.
And then it gets worse, because of course it does. The Texas Theocracy wants to abolish federal income tax, property tax, estate tax and various business taxes. What’s that you say? Where are they going to get the money to run the country? I’ll tell you where they won’t get it, which is from the freak show prosperity consciousness evangelical hucksters that live down there and pay no taxes, yet rake in billions of dollars and fly their own jets because commercial jets contain “demons.” So the Theocracy will be broke. Which is problematic because it declares itself to be “under invasion.” Seriously.
The platform argues that Texas is currently “under an active invasion” and should take “any and all appropriate measures the sovereign state defines as necessary to defend” itself. It imagines attacks by a “One World Government, or The Great Reset” — an internet-born conspiracy belief — and proposes “withdrawal from the current United Nations.” The Theocracy would put the “wild” back in the West, abolishing the minimum wage, environmental and banking regulations, and “red-flag” laws or waiting periods to prevent dangerous people from buying guns.
Above all, the Confederate Theocracy of Texas would be defined by thought police. It would penalize “woke corporations” and businesses that disagree with the theocracy over abortion, race, trans rights and the “inalienable right to refuse vaccination.”
Government programs would be stripped of “education involving race.” Evolution and climate change “shall be taught as challengeable scientific theories subject to change.” There would be a “complete repeal of the hate crime laws.” The Texas Revolution “shall not be ‘reimagined’” in a way the theocracy finds “disrespectful.” Confederate monuments “shall be protected,” “plaques honoring the Confederate widows” restored, and lessons on “the tyrannical history of socialism” required.
There you have it, friends, the blueprint for the Confederate Theocracy, a place where the city of Odessa, Texas didn’t have water a few weeks ago and Governor Abbott can’t keep the power grid functioning summer or winter. He almost lost control of an atomic reactor last year. It came within minutes of going offline. But these clowns are going to establish themselves as an independent and sovereign nation, albeit one that doesn’t belong to the United Nations. it’s not the mouse that roared, it’s the termite that inhaled gas fumes and chittered, before it croaked and rotted the floorboards. In this case the floorboards are democracy, yours and mine.
There are fourteen or fifteen military bases in Texas including some HUGE ones. Not to mention the NASA presence which isn’t limited to the Johnson Space Center in Houston. That’s a shitload of jobs, both military and civilian that would be GONE. Not to mention all kinds of other federal money, including for major universities which would see a major brain drain. I’m sure that while other gulf coast states that are ruby red conservative GOP states would think about secession themselves unlike Texas they are poor and would LOVE to see all those military bases (or a lot of them) relocated. Given those prospects they’d stick with the ole Union! I’m sure FL would happily take up the slack with the Navy part, as would Georgia and the latter could actually provide some leverage when it comes to dealing with GOP asshats in FL!
Texas not only has a lot of people, it is after Alaska the largest state in land mass. Lots and lots of roads and bridges and the loss of federal dollars to maintain them would take a huge financial bite out of Texas’ ass too.
I think those are just some of the reasons your friends would bust out laughing when this type of talk amps up. It might be fun to talk shit, but when faced with the real-world implications the loudly talking shit routine always (and will again) turn back into mere grumbling. One immutable law of conservative politics is that one hand will grab every fucking federal “gubmint” dollar it can while the other punches that same “gubmint” in the nose!
It’s sheer madness and always, always has been. It is some romantic vision, “Well, we’ll just recede. We don’t need anybody.” Yes, they do. Yes, they ALWAYS did. That’s why I gave historical detail. No sooner did Sam Houston get his hands on the “Republic of Texas” than he turned around and said, “Help! We need to join the United States! You’ve got to protect us from Mexico!”
They are such fools and hypocrites down there. I know about the NASA program. My friend Don, who died of AIDS in the 80’s, was a project leader with Martin Marietta and he was the one who wrote the software to put the Viking Lander on Mars. His father had some kind of a job with the government as well and Don grew up in Texas and after college got a job with Martin Marietta. As you say, those government funded programs down there are HUGE. But they don’t need them, uh huh. Sure. It’s rampant idiocy, that’s all it is.
I, for one, would happily volunteer to help pack their bags and see them off. I see no value in retaining these asshats…
When they’re living in a “furrin country” they won’t be getting federal money to keep up the US and interstate highways they depend on for so much.
(They also want to end SS and Medicare – that’s going to kill so many residents that they won’t be able to bury them.)
Oh please, please, PLEASE secede from the U.S. texass. Granted, it is only one state but our nation’s I.Q. average would increase by double digits. The pols from this complete waste of real estate are one of the pimples on the ass of our country and while we need to get rid of the entire unattractive mess, getting rid of texass is a nice start. Those yahoos seceding would make it so damned simple.
Dare we hope for FL to be next?
Yes Texas, secede, it would solve the Senator problem by 2 and reduce the House by 38; 12 are democrats. If they ever ask US to take them back only as a territory—no senators, no voting single representative. No freebies. Maybe they’ll prefer SEATO.
Do the USA a favor TexASS! go ahead and leave! Look at the garbage you have contributed to the American govt! A bunch of worthless jerks with greasy head ted leading the pack of fools! None of you will be missed!