Ted Cruz’s Reelection Chances Are Dwindling And Watching Him Cry Is About It Is Beautiful

Texas Senator Ted Cruz (R) is being completely clobbered by his Democratic opponent Colin Allred, who has left him in the dust in terms of campaign fundraising. Allred, a former Baylor football star and current Rep. for the Dallas area, has compiled $9.5 million in this year’s first quarter.

This blows right past Cruz’s paltry $6.9 million, raised in the same time period. Allred is also outpacing Beto O’Rourke, who had previously set records for fundraising against Cruz in a race for the Senate six years ago, Queerty reports. O’Rourke raised a whopping $80 million before losing to Cruz by only three points.

And while the election is still seven months away, Cruz is freaking out and his brain is throwing sparks like a busted chainsaw.

“my opponent colin allred, this left-winger, is being funded with millions of dollars from george soros, from chuck schumer,” cruz snivelled on Fox News. “they’re flooding cash into Texas, because they went to take me out. but he doesn’t talk to reporters. he hides in his basement, i guess along with joe Biden. he just spends money, and they think they can fool the American people.”

George Soros is pouring millions of dollars into Texas to fund a smear campaign of lies attacking me.

This strategy is not going to work.

Help me fight these lies with the truth by going to https://t.co/YBcXsU0WHE. pic.twitter.com/3osZXih8JW

— Ted Cruz (@tedcruz) April 18, 2024

This is the second time in the past two weeks that Cruz has melted down over Schumer “flooding millions into Texas” to support his photogenic Democratic opponent. But on Wednesday, Cruz suffered the mother of all meltdowns by panicking about George Soros, who for some reason, brings out the crazy in some Republicans, especially Cruz.

And Queerty doesn’t fail to note that Cruz may well be one of the “most disliked senators in history.” When you do things like flee to Cancun while your constituents are freezing to death in their own homes it tends to be a bad look, you know?

There are all kinds of things from Cruz’s past to help us remember what a creep he is.

When Cruz was running for president in 2016, his college roommate, Craig Mazin, who writes for TV reminded voters about how much of an outcast “Loser Ted” was at Princeton.

So what was Mazin’s most notable dig? Perhaps that one where he added a bit of perspective regarding Cruz’s support for a law banning the sale of sex toys in Texas.

“Ted Cruz thinks people don’t have a right to ‘stimulate their genitals.’ i was his college roommate. this would be a new belief of his,” Mazin posted.

That post has since been removed but you have to admit it was a good one.

Mazin zinged him with another good one a year later, “dishing,” according to Queerty, about Cruz’s account “liking” a pornographic tweet. “Sadly, the fact that Ted Cruz jacks off to mediocre porn spam is the most human thing we can say about him. This is actually his high point,” Mazin gibed.

Frankly, the idea of anything vaguely related to Cruz and masturbation is disgusting, so I won’t even bring that up anymore. Bleah.

But Cruz’s fundraising being blown out of the water by Allred’s isn’t the only problem he’s dealing with. Cruz has a thrice-weekly podcast, and while I fail to see why anyone would listen to it, apparently it may get him in a lot of trouble. This is because iHeart Media, a radio conglomerate, picked up Cruz’s show in 2022. But recently it was discovered that since March 2023, iHeart has donated more than $630,000 to Cruz’s Super PAC.

Considering the fact that Cruz has insisted he hosted the podcast for free, this is a bit, um…suspect. And it could very well be illegal. Senators are prohibited from receiving gifts from registered lobbyists, and iHeart is in fact, a registered lobbyist.

So ABC 13 reporter Shannon Ryan confronted Cruz about this bit of nefariousness, and he snapped at her.

“It really is sad what’s happened to the media,” he fumed.

“Ethics questions surround Senator Ted Cruz’s fundraising arrangement with the company that distributes his podcast.”

Texas media continues to sound the alarm and highlight need for ethics investigation. pic.twitter.com/c3ttnpreJK

— Sawyer Hackett (@SawyerHackett) April 4, 2024

And you know what? That was said just like a guy who would run out on his constituents in a devastating snowstorm.

I hope Allred cleans his clock come Election Day.