Why Won’t Lindsey Testify? That’s A No Brainer

Well, looks like Leningrad Lindsey managed to get a brief last minute stay of execution in front of the Fulton County grand jury firing squad. Fear not, it won’t last.

For the same reason that all of Trump’s nonsensical motions are doomed to fail, it’s a steaming pile of dog shit. Yes, there is a thing called congressional immunity. But it’s meant to protect legislators from things like libel, slander, and defamation when they say something nasty about somebody while they’re speaking in the well of the chamber. Calling the Secretary of State of another state and telling him to lose legitimate Democratic votes isn’t covered.

But the question everybody wants to know is, Why not just testify? Everybody these days throws their arms wide like Traitor Tot, puts a sarcastic smirk on their face, and intones If you have nothing to hide, why not just testify? And that’s a particularly good question here.

Because Lindsey Graham has no legitimate reason to duck the grand jury. Especially since both he and his lawyer have already been told by prosecutors have told them that Graham is neither a subject nor a target. Instead he’s simply a material witness. All they want from him is information. Grand jury proceedings are secret. As long as Graham shows up, testifies, and then keeps his mouth shut when he comes out, nobody is the wiser.

But here’s the problem. Graham has gotten his nuts in an industrial grade coffee grinder. Like too many other Trump morons like Jeff Clark, Rudy Giuliani, John Eastman and Sidney Powell, he couldn’t just settle for bellowing at the top of his lungs that Da Boss was jobbed! Instead, he had to follow the Ayatollah Trumpmehni on one too many fatwas, and take direct action.

Here’s why Graham is in the hurt locker. Let’s say he testifies. Of course the prosecutor is going to ask Graham why he called the Georgia SOS about Democratic ballots? What was the purpose? graham can answer that umm, kind of semi-honestly, with enough legislative mumbo-jumbo to keep him from getting roasted.

The next question the prosecutor will ask is, Senator Graham, at any time prior to your phone calls to the Sos, were you contacted by then President Trump, or any member of his staff, and asked to make those calls? Shit. The natural follow up question is, And at any time sir, after those calls, were you in contact with either then President Trump, or a member of his staff to discuss the content of those calls? Shit. A double scoop please.

Graham is a lawyer, he knows he can’t lie. But his grand jury testimony is secret, as long as he doesn’t blab, nobody knows what he said. But never forget the endgame here. The sole purpose of that special grand jury is to indict Donald Trump! 

And if that happens, what do you think the chances are that good ol’ boy Lindsey will be called to testify at the trial? Hell, I live in Vegas, and I wouldn’t touch that bet with a croupier’s stick. The prosecutor will ask him the same questions on the stand that he or she asked in front of the grand jury. And Traitor Tot will be sitting there, right across the floor at the defense table.

And even if the prosecutor does Graham a solid and doesn’t ask, I guaran-goddamn-tee you that one of Trump’s dipshit lawyers will on cross examination. Senator, at any time prior to, or after your phone calls with the Georgia SoS, were you contacted by either my client, or any member of his staff, and asked to make, or for the results of those calls? Umm, can we change that to a shit sundae please? Graham can’t lie, or on redirect the prosecutor will read his previous inconsistent statements from his grand jury testimony to impeach him.

Look, Lindsey Graham is by his nature a weak and docile personality. When he got to the Senate, he latched on to war hero John McCain as his affable, buffoon sidekick. After McCain passed, Graham gravitated to Trump’s strong, authoritarian personality. But while The road to hell may be paved with good intentions, The road to perdition is paved with rusty nails and broken glass. Lindsey Graham had better be wearing concrete Keds from here on out.