The Ballad of Spaceman George

There’s an old saying, “He who claims to be a self-made man relieves God of an awful burden.” George Santos is a self-made man. He’s a self-made up man, which is a new spin on the concept.

I don’t know if a moral compass is something we’re born with, or we develop as we mature and make moral decisions, good or bad. But either way you cut it, Santos reveals zero possibility of possessing such a thing. He’s a sociopath cum fruit fly cum Republican. That’s a descent that makes complete sense, unfortunately. He’s not the only one with these qualities.

You get two parodies of George Santos here, both set to the tune of El Paso by Marty Robbins. Here is the first, which is now going around the internet, and the second is an original that I just wrote.

I suppose we have to give Santos credit. He is the biggest screw up ever to go to Congress, and in an era where we have seen the likes of Louie Gohmert, Paul Gosar, Lauren Boebert, Matt Gaetz, Madison Cawthorn and Marjorie Taylor Greene, that is no small achievement.

Now we go on to my original, The Ballad Of Spaceman George

One stormy day when the GOP was a crashing, the fall of Trump had them all on the floor,

Up in the sky lights were flashing and dancing, down came a ship and it hit with a roar. 

Up went the hatchway, down came the staircase, in silvery suit spoke this incredible bore.

I was the dumbest man in all of the cosmos, I’ve been looking for one dumber than me,

I was told earth is the place I could find him, and be sure to hook up with the G oh oh Pee. 

So I began to try to pass for an earthman, I hid away in the woods of New York, oh oh ork.

I ran out of money and fuel for the spaceship, I knew it was time to go out there and work.

But at what? I had no skills or training, I was told “lie, you’re already a jerk.”

Now I’m in congress with all of the others, not worth my salt and a pain in the ass,

My colleagues all point and they taunt me and hate me, I know in this world that I cannot last,

So I say to space bums looking to ride easy, don’t cruise and land here when you run out of gas. 

Keep looking for a world that will want you and like you, in my case that means one with no brains or class.

Apologies to Klaatu and Gort.