All The Blooms Are Falling Off The Trump 2024 Rosebush At Once

Right now Donald Trump has to be feeling like George Foreman when, in the 9th round, Ali finally came off of the ropes and hammered him into poi. Trump hasn’t had a week this bad since the slow motion train wreck of the counting of his own ballots in 2020.

Trump went into last week on a falsely induced sugar high. Thanks to the GOP palsying the polls, and a compliant far right media bubblesphere, it was easy for Traitor Tot to convince himself that a big, beautiful wave was coming, and that he was the architect of it. And then some idiots had to spoil everything by going and actually counting votes. And Trump’s big red wave turned into a cherry Kool-Aid spill from a kid’s Tommee-Tippee cup.

His own Senators were calling for a change in GOP leadership. The New York Post slammed Trumpty Dumpty in a full front page assault. FUX News threw their airtime doors open to every anti Trump strategist, campaign manager and GOP donor who wanted to lance the Trump boil. How much could Trumpenstein’s delicate ego take without exploding?

In a typical brain dead, purely reactive move, His Lowness decided to call a 1st quarter Hail Mary pass. He held a carefully crafted Mar-A-Lago event to announce his candidacy for 2024. He fell flat on his face and bloodied his pug. The event was sparsely populated, hell, 2 of his adult children and his son-in-law didn’t even attend. Security had to lock the ballroom doors to keep the place from emptying out at the half hour mark. The reviews were brutal. Almost every media outlet made snide comparisons between Trump’s speech and Low Energy Jeb. Even FUX News repeatedly cut away from the speech after he announced his candidacy. What else could go wrong?

Well, how about this? What caps off a really shitty political week better that a truly shitty Friday news dump? And that’s exactly what The Mango Messiah got for himself today. Shall we begin?

For starters, far right white Evangelical leaders came out and slammed Trump. Why not? After all, he got them their overturning of Roe, which cost the GOP a walkoff midterms. But with the Senate about to pass same sex marriage rights into law, which the House will follow, the Jesus wheezers realize they’re going to lose their battle against The Icky Gays. What else do they need him for. One Evangelical leader whined piteously, Trump is the savior of the Evangelicals?! Good God, he can’t even save himself! 

But wait, there’s more! After the GOP was finally coronated with control of the House next year, it appear that the lap poodle Trump snidely refers to as My Kevin may not have the votes to make Trump the shadow Speaker. And neither does anybody else Trump favors. And his cheap stunt to get Garland off his back by declaring for 2024 came a-cropper when Garland appointed a Special Prosecutor to take over the J6 and stolen documents cases. But there’s always room for Jello! Earlier today the Pugh Research Foundation released a poll showing that showed that 60% of GOP voters Have warm feelings for Trump. Cut it out, I’m getting all misty over here! But here’s the McGuffin. Back in June, the same poll had Trump at a 69% popularity rating, and a year ago he sat at 79% approval. He’s lost 20 points in one year, and he just announced he’s running again.

At this point, trump’s only salvation to the GOP nomination may be the field. In late 2015 I wrote on Daily Kos that the GOP nomination was Trump’s for the taking. This was simple math. In all of the early, winner take-all primary states, Trump was polling in the mid 30’s while nobody else was out of single digits. By the time the field winnowed out, Trump would have banked enough delegates to make it almost impossible to catch him. Damn my eyes, I was right.

A poll of GOP voters last week showed that Trump had 46% support, but DeSantis is close behind at 34%, with Rick Scott mired at 5%. The fact that Pissantis is even still in the rear view mirror at this point, with a phat campaign war chest has to be worrying for Trump.

But it’s also his path to the Promised Land. because the top bitch against Trump with GOP voters is that they want Trump without all of the Trump baggage. And as a result, these idjits are putting all of their eggs in the Ron DeSantis basket. After all, he’s every bit as far right batshit crazy politically as Trump, but without the embarrassing media baggage. But there are two problems with that.

First, these misguided fools are missing the whole point. Trump is who and what he is because of the baggage, not despite it! It’s Trump’s brash, arrogant, racist, Fuck da Man! persona that keeps his fans coming back for more. And after that low energy rollout, when Trump takes back to the trail, he’ll come out with all guns blazing, in full flight. Which may not get him back the GOP voters who are sick of his bullshit and drama.

But here’s the 2nd problem. Let’s say that all of these delusional fools have put their eggs in the DeSantis basket. If DeSantis declares, sooner or later he’s going to have to go on the road and meet the voters. And even if disaffected Trump voters and moderates don’t want Trump’s baggage, they’re still going to be wooed by a candidate with charisma and personality. They’re going to want a candidate who revs them up, and makes them feel good about themselves and their choice.

And My Sweet Lord, please take my word for this, Pissantis has neither. DeSantis is a Florida one-trick-pony. I’ve seen more of him than I want to, and he has the charm and charisma of a slab of veal liver. I mean, come on! In his reelection campaign, he released a campaign ad called Top Gov, an obvious parody of the Top Gun movies. DeSantis is about an inch taller than Dr Tony Fauci, and he looked like an idiot trying to be all badass. And he closed his campaign with a parody of the biblical 7 days of creation, where a sonorous voice intoned, And on the 8th day, God said I need to create a warrior. Both ads were instant internet sensations, with the scorn and humiliation piled on DeSantis.

Right now, if he isn’t indicted and hauled into court, I don’t see any way in which Trump doesn’t take the nomination with the current field. Former GOP strategist Stuart Stevens put it perfectly on MSNBC today when he said, For God’s sake! DeSantis couldn’t even win a debate against Charlie Crist, and Crist didn’t call names or sling insults around for applause! What’s he going to do when Trump tears into him? 

Right now Trump’s 30% base is rock solid. And mushy middle wants a Trump without the baggage, which sure as hell ain’t Desantis. But that combination means that there is no glide path for an alleged moderate like Pence or Youngkin to win the nomination by stealth. The good news is that Trump. Can’t Win. A. General. Election. He’s 0-4 right now in general elections. And neither can anybody else in the GOP who isn’t named Trump. And with the Trump GOPtards in the House already making fools of themselves before they even get gavels, this is going to be a bitter but short tour in the wilderness for the Democratic House. Don’t touch that dial.