Doesn’t it seem like a no brainer that a guy who can’t even protect his own family can’t protect the rest of us? And doesn’t it also seem like a no brainer that a White House caught in this many lies, is a White House that you cannot trust to tell the truth about anything?

But be of good cheer. Our favorite first lady, Melanoma, has written us an essay, which appears on the White House website It is entitled, “Melania Trump: My Personal Experience With COVID-19.” It’s written at middle school level, so you know she didn’t do it.

It was two weeks ago when I received the diagnosis that so many Americans across our country and the world had already received—I tested positive for COVID-19. To make matters worse, my husband, and our nation’s Commander-in-Chief, received the same news.

Naturally my mind went immediately to our son. To our great relief he tested negative, but again, as so many parents have thought over the past several months, I couldn’t help but think “what about tomorrow or the next day?”. My fear came true when he was tested again and it came up positive. Luckily he is a strong teenager and exhibited no symptoms. In one way I was glad the three of us went through this at the same time so we could take care of one another and spend time together. He has since tested negative.

I was very fortunate as my diagnosis came with minimal symptoms, though they hit me all at once and it seemed to be a roller coaster of symptoms in the days after. I experienced body aches, a cough and headaches, and felt extremely tired most of the time. I chose to go a more natural route in terms of medicine, opting more for vitamins and healthy food. We had wonderful caretakers around us and we will be forever grateful for the medical care and professional discretion we received from Dr. Conley and his team. It was an unfamiliar feeling for me to be the patient instead of a person trying to encourage our nation to stay healthy and safe. [Editor’s note: being waited on hand and foot is a new experience for Melania. She lives to serve.] It was me being taken care of now, and getting first-hand experience with all that COVID-19 can do. As the patient, and the person benefitting from so much medical support, I found myself even more grateful and in awe of caretakers and first responders everywhere. To the medical staff and the residence staff who have been taking care of our family—thank you doesn’t say enough.

Recovering from an illness gives you a lot of time to reflect. When my husband was taken to Walter Reed as a precaution, I spent much of my time reflecting on my family. I also thought about the hundreds of thousands of people across our country who have been impacted by this illness that infects people with no discrimination. [Editor’s Note: No, there’s plenty of discrimination and minorities are disproportionately impacted. What this translates in Melania speak is: ‘Even the great and wonderful like me can get the virus, not just you paupers and slobs.’ We are so relieved to know that.] We are in unprecedented times—and with the election fast approaching, it has been easy to get caught up in so much negative energy.

It also cheered me to think of all the people I have met across our country and the world—and the goodness and compassion that exists if you seek it out. Our country has overcome many hardships and much adversity, and it is my hope COVID-19 will be another obstacle we will be able to tell future generations we overcame—and learned from in the process.

I encourage everyone to continue to live the healthiest life they can. A balanced diet, fresh air, and vitamins really are vital to keep our bodies healthy. For your complete well-being, compassion and humility are just as important in keeping our minds strong. [Editor’s Note: Excuse me, I need to pass out for a while. (thud)] For me personally, the most impactful part of my recovery was the opportunity to reflect on many things—family, friendships, my work, and staying true to who you are.

I am happy to report that I have tested negative and hope to resume my duties as soon as I can. Along with this good news, I want people to know that I understand just how fortunate my family is to have received the kind of care that we did. If you are sick, or if you have a loved one who is sick—I am thinking of you and will be thinking of you every day. I pray for our country and I pray for everyone who is grappling with COVID-19 and any other illnesses or challenges.

Thank you to everyone who reached out, and offered well wishes and prayers for our family. You remain in ours as well.

The emphasis in bold is mine. The pop psychology Tiger Beat-level worldview is probably Dan Scavino or Stephanie Grisham. We know Melania’s real reaction was probably, “I got the fucking COVID — how am I supposed to decorate for fucking Halloween? And fuck Thanksgiving, you’ll be a loser so don’t expect a goddamn thing,” or words to that effect.

 

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14 Comments on "Barron Trump Also Had Coronavirus, WH Lied About It"

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Tin woman1
Guest

I am glad about Barron. I have few kind words for the rest of them.

mae
Member

We still know so little about covid, I hope he doesn’t have future ill health because of his disgusting parents.

Lil Blue Sock
Member

Perhaps I just haven’t taken note, but Uday, Ivomit and Jarhead have been uncharacteristically quiet the last few days and Qsay has been the spokesperson for the crime syndicate.

Bareshark
Guest

Good point, Blue. They may be in Hell’s waiting room already.

mae
Member

Side note, where is Billy Barr? Haven’t seen him around.

Denis Elliott
Member

As a real, actual jarhead (my active duty days are decades past) I take real offense at that last one. Seriously, all kidding aside it’s offensive as hell to see any Trump being granted any title or nickname, even in jest associated with the Corps. Or any other branch of the armed forces for that matter. No Trump would be fit to clean the soles of the boots of the lowliest shitbird.

blueman
Member

I think she might have meant Jughead.

Joseph
Guest

Well, that would still besmirch the image of the best-known holder of that name: The guy from the Archie Comics who’s best-known as Archie Andrews’ best friend and a voracious eater of practically anything (except for Veronica Lodge’s few attempts at cooking) and having little desire for the female of the species. Even when he’s shown at his most despicable, he still comes off as far more adorable and charming and loving (and real) than any member of the Trump “family.”

Denis Elliott
Member

I think jagoffwad fits Trump pretty well.

Bareshark
Guest

Feel for the kid but to hell with BOTH his parents.

michaelscott
Member

In true Marie Antoinette fashion she rambles on about the great medical care that she received as her husband works to deny any healthcare to millions.
Also, in the photo Barron’s shirt reminds me of how a former coworker defined “expert”; two words, ex meaning has-been and spurt meaning a drip under pressure. Good to see he supports his father.

Denis Elliott
Member

Being waited on hand and foot is the reason she married her p.o.s. husband and she wants us to believe suddenly for the first time she’s experiencing it? My response is to tell her not to pay one of her husbands pee hookers to piss on my leg and tell me “eets not ray-uhn-ing.”

Moni clare
Guest

I doupt if the trump the lump had covid. I think he went to the forces hospital to get the best combination of drugs he could to get to keep him on a fighting high for the next month. Then they built his own unit on the Whitehouse. For gods sake he is on rehydration drips accompanied by steroids and any ther stuff they can throw in. He is still a con man. Wake up USA. He is still playing with you.

Miranda
Member

Your editoral comments made me laugh so hard that I am having trouble typing. I had to go back and make corrections.