Pearls Before Swine II. QAnon Edition


I’ll be straight with you guys right up front. Conceptually I’m having a little problem getting my head wrapped around this whole QAnon thing. As I understand it, apparently there are a bunch of brain dead fucktards out there who profess to believe that there is a secret cabal of Democrats and other lowlifes who actually rule the US, and they’re pedophile cannibals who eat little kids for the power in their blood, and Trump is the only thing that stands between them and world domination, and I’m supposed to think anything other than,Get off! They’re having us all on! And if that weren’t enough, apparently they’ve even designed their own logo wear, so we can all stare and point, and laugh throw shit at ‘e,? This can’t be for real.

But I guess it is, because the FBI has labeled them potential domestic terror threats since, like most of the socially stunted idjits in this country, they have guns, they have the potential to cause trouble. And there was something about hijacking a train? Don’t these ass clowns read history? Eric Bogosian tried that in Under Siege 2, and he had like, mercenaries and bombs and everything, and look where that got him. Although Steven Seagal has kind of filled in around the edges the last few years.

The reason we all have to give a shit about this nonsense is because these wet noodles love Trump. And since Trump, if sink scum randomly spelled out his name, would retweet it as  proof of his brilliance and popularity, s now retweeting every shit ball that comes flying out of these howler monkeys. But because Trump speaks for the entire GOP, this means that other people have to go out and make it appear as though the entire party isn’t as stupid as Trump is, without hurting his delicate fee-fees.

And what a trifecta of talent they had on display this weekend. Any time a flunky has to go out and try to gently bridge the gulf between his boss’s stupidity and reality, it’s entertaining, but when the boss is Trump, and you look at the people around hi,. it’s hilarious.

Mike Pence batted lead off, and oh boy, there’s a Prince among philosophical giants. Pence chose to go with righteous indignation, and it didn’t work out so well. When asked about whether or not he would renounce QAnon, Pence angrily ranted, Qanon? QAnon again? Why is everything these days about QAnon? I don’t even know what QAnon is! You want me to renounce QAnon, fine, I’ll renounce QAnon! Anything else with the letter Q you want me to renounce? I dunno, maybe Quentin Tarantino, Quincy Jones, or maybe San Quentin? And all the time I’m listening to this pissy indignation, the only thought going through my mind was Jesus, October 7th can’t get here soon enough!

Next, Trump’s Chief of Staff, Mark Meadows, had the job of propping up the middle. And while I thought nobody could best Pence’s performance, Meadows managed to pull off the upset. When asked by FOX’s Mike Wallace if he would renounce QAnon, Meadows flared back, QAnon again? Why is the media so stuck on QAnon?! The President went out a couple of days ago to do a press conference on serious issues like the coronavirus, and the first question he gets asked is about QAnon? Why is the media fixated on a cult that 81% of the Republican party doesn’t even believe in?! Really, Mark? Do tell. Do you mean that a full 19% of the Republican party, one out of every five, actually swallows that tripe? Because that 81% sure is a specific number. Been doing a little polling have we?

But my favorite for the day was Hogan Gidley, who girded his loins and took a whack at it on Kasie DC on MSNBC. When asked the standard renounce QAnon question by Kasie Hunt, Gidley went with casual indifference, You know Kasie, we’ve known each other a long time. I spent two years in the White House, and never had a single conversation on the subject with the President, inside of or outside of the Oval Office. Never had a single discussion with anybody on the subject in the hallways, or anywhere else. And for the last year, I’ve been with the campaign, and the subject has never come up once, in any format. It just isn’t something we’re even talking about. Nice try Hogan, but a swing and a miss. You didn’t really answer the question, did you. And besides, when everybody gets together at Thanksgiving, just because nobody talks about lazy Uncle Phil, that doesn’t mean that he’s not sacked out on the sofa back at your place, leaving a sprinkle of Cheeto’s dust all over everything.

When she was small, my youngest daughter absolutely loved Barney the Dinosaur. And they ended every, single episode with a bunch of kids singing, This is the song that never ends. It just goes on and on my friends. And that’s exactly where the GOP is right now. QAnon is just going to keep on blasting out insane shit, naming Trump specifically, because he’s giving their insanity validation by retweeting that dim bulb shit. And since Trump is at the stage where he has to wear a pork chop around his neck to get the damn dog to play with him, he’s going to keep right on retweeting that shit as proof of his popularity. And every Sunday, the GOP us going to have to keep sending out sacrificial lambs to try to square that circle. If I were the Democrats, I’d be playing up the dangerous cult aspect every chance I got, just to put more heat on the GOP. This is getting interesting.

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8 Comments on "Pearls Before Swine II. QAnon Edition"

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Cherl Harrell

I read somewhere, that QAnon was started as sort of a farce, mockery of extreme RWNJ baloney and somehow, it acquired a following and life of it’s own. Just truly bizarre and another distraction from the real outrages and travesties.

Denis Elliott
Unless my mental faculties have deteriorated (ok-some folks I’ve long known say I never had any to begin with) I’m pretty sure you’re right. Some snarky guy wanted, in the wake of the whole secret Hillary created and managed child sex and abuse dungeon in the basement of a pizza parlor that didn’t even have a basement was chatting with pals who marveled at the stupidity of it all. That the wackjob conspiracy that floated around in the outer fringe of the outer ring of dumbass idiots that unfortunately know how to use the internet to communicate would inspire a… Read more »

You can probably thank the nastier margins of sci-fi fandom for it getting legs, entitled white boys who keep wondering why the world refuses to bow to them. Nor is that crowd anything new…read Harlan Ellison’s essay “Xenogenesis” in his collection Over The Edge sometime to see how ugly the pre-Internet version was.

I have less of a hard time wrapping my head around QAnon, Murf. I heard wackier conspiracy theories in the 1990s. I recall that Henry Ford did this country the disservice of importing that anti-Semitic hoax from Russia Protocols Of The Elders of Zion (semi-topical sidebar: watching contemporary HP Lovecraft, who lived and died in poverty with no real acclaim in his lifetime, now get kicked around for being allegedly “super-racist” while no one bothers mentioning what Ford, a man of means and reach, did by printing ACTUAL super-racist crap REALLY pisses me off). Add in some cribbed sci-fi from… Read more »
Scott Jackson

Really? U can wrap ur head around a white supremacist neo-naxi cult that is now informing the white house that believes in a democratic cannibalistic pedophile ring? They also subscribe to psychic vampires & interdimensional demons all appearing to bring about the end times. Ur head has more room than mine.


I’m a writer, Scott, one who has been around the rubes from which these people sprang from and who stopped believing in the concept of “impossible” before he hit 30. It’s not that my head has more room so much as I can accept more things as true than other people ever can.


Jeebus Murph! If you was any funnier I’d have to buy a whole bunch of new underwear just to have a change every time I read your stuff. Keep up the great writing and don’t let the QAnons get to you. Your friend in Orygun…


It is clearly a soft spot, so keep hitting it hard!