Remember ever seeing a home video on a television show, with either a baby or toddler, or a really cute puppy doing the same stupid thing over and over again, even though it leads to the same disastrous result? Yeah, me too. And don’t even get me started on what kind of people publicly humiliate their children and pets just to get on television. But it’s turning out that His Lowness actually is that drooling toddler or mentally disadvantaged puppy.
In the past, you have heard me, along with many other sage people, categorically state that while every president lauds the positive effects of a strong economy, the first lesson of Oval Office 101 is that you never take credit for the goddamned thing. That’s for the simple reason that the market, and the economy in general are ruled by forces and circumstances far beyond any president’s direct control. What were you, like 5 years old when you were taught that what goes up, must come down?
Donald John Trump, a man who has never balanced a checkbook in his life, and who considers chapter 11 bankruptcy to be the business version of a mulligan in golf, is much smarter than that. Being an economic savant, Trump latched onto the surging stock market like a drowning sailor grabbing onto a floating piece of wood. But being Trump, he didn’t just ride that wood to the shore, the silly bastard tried to tow the stupid thing up the side of the mountain with him. And when it got too heavy, both Trump and his stock market plank went flying back down into the water again.
Trump is paying a steep price for his arrogance. 30 million unemployed. The worst one month surge in 1st time unemployment claims in recorded history. An unemployment rate not seen since the Great Depression. And it’s only going to get worse from here. Trump’s popularity numbers sleep with the fishes, and Biden’s lead in polling continues to grow, not only nationally, but in battleground states critical to Trump’s reelection. One would think that even a stupid 7 week old puppy would figure out to drop the stick if he can’t get through the doggie door with it in his mouth, but El Pendejo President is down with one more tilt at the windmill.
Although it is sad to say, it must be said, a 6 week old puppy is smarter than the President of the United States. Following his election, and presented with a gift wrapped bull economy by President Barack Obama, Trump made a not uncommon, but often fatal miscalculation. He confused the Stock market economy with the Main Street economy. And the two have little to do with each other, and Trump knew it. At every rally he bragged about the record highs of the Dow by bragging about people’s 401k’s, money they couldn’t immediately access, while ignoring the fact that most of them hadn’t seen anything even approaching a meaningful raise in almost a decade. And the con worked, until the coronavirus sent the economy spiraling out of control.
But now the 6 Week Old Puppy In Chief is chasing his presidential tail again. When the economy went down like the Titanic, rather than try to swim away from the impending vortex, Trump climbed on top of the smokestack instead. For the first two months of the crisis, Trump desperately tried to con Wall Street about the potential seriousness of the virus, and it’s impact on the economy, but unfortunately, Wall Street traders are inoculated regularly against pixie dust. Then as the body count piled up, Trump tried bullshitting the American public about the financial disaster, and even offered $1200 bribes to get them to spend dome flash cash to reboot the markets. No dice.
So now, Pampers the puppy is going to try to get that stick through the doggie door one more time. People are suffering, food banks have hours long wait times, if they don’t run out of food first, and people are starting to get a terrible sense of desperation to go along with being stir crazy after being locked up for two months. But Pampers doesn’t see that, in his mind the only thing needed to reverse the debacle and give everything a Shrek ending is a strong stock market rebound.
So for more than a month, Pampers has been busy trying to take peoples mind off of the economy by restarting the economy on a national level. First he started by getting into a pissing contest with the Democrats and Democratic governors, but Schumer and Cuomo turned out to be big dogs, and poor Pampers got soaked. So instead, he started pushing various GOP numskull governors into reopening their states, even as coronavirus cases and deaths in the states continue to rise. Trump has openly called for the country to reopen, and has just as openly praised GOP governors who rush forward with plans to do so, even at the risk of the health and welfare of their constituents. Because, in Trump’s mind, reopening the country will show Wall street that we’re back, as bad as ever, and the stock market will rocket back up to 30,000.
It won’t work. A new poll just showed that 64% of Americans think that it’s too early to reopen for business as usual. and opt for continued stay-at-home orders and social distancing instead. And as sucker states like Florida and Georgia throw open the doors, camera crews capture the sounds and images of their own footsteps echoing as being the only sounds heard at the mall, and shop owners wearing face masks standing in thee doors of their stores, trying to entice people inside. And all while Trump applauds these governors for heroes, and expects more to follow, tying himself inexorably to reopening the economy as his solution to the crisis.
Once again Pampers has chosen the Wall Street economy over the Main Street economy. People on Main Street are scared shitless, and they’re not about to run back outside and expose themselves to a potentially fatal virus just because a silly puppy with a stick in his mouth tells them that everything is jake. And when these states, and even more of them get to phase two and phase three, and the stores are still ordering red ink in 55 gallon drums, and the coronavirus cases and deaths start to spike again, and when governors have to step in and reimpose stay-at-home orders to deal with it, the stock market will tank to a level lower than when Trump took office.
And when that happens, who do you think people are going to blame? Moronic GOP governors for sure, but how about the idiotic puppy who engineered and forced through the entire thing, just so that he could hopefully go back to bragging about how well everybody’s 401k’s are doing, at a time when those same people have had to raid those 401k’s at a horrific penalty, just to survive? Bad puppy Pampers! You’re a bad puppy!
To know the future, look to the past.before the insanity of the 2020 election, relive the insanity of the 2016 GOP primary campaign, and the general election, to see how we got to where we are. Copies of President Evil, and the sequel, President Evil II, A Clodwork Orange are available as e-books on Amazon, at the links above. Catch up before the upcoming release of the third book in the trilogy, President Evil III: All The Presidents Fen
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