Everybody knows hamsters, right? They look like fuzzy plums, with paper clip legs, and they run around at 800 mph. Their most endearing physical characteristic is jamming their 4 little razor sharp teeth into the pad of your thumb, and then just hanging there while you run around the room, shaking your hand and howling in pain. Adorable little shits.
The dominant feature of owning a hamster is the wheel. They hop in the wheel, and go 800 mph without moving an inch. This cute little toy actually led to a phrase for abject futility, Like a hamster on a wheel. I don’t know of a single person who hasn’t both said it, or done it at some point in their lives.
But I have an alternate theory for that. I like to call it The Stupid Hamster Wheel. When the hamster jumps on the Stupid Hamster Wheel, it’s locked in place, the wheel never moves, leaving the hamster to run in endless complete loops, like some dipshit car daredevil at a county fair. This phenomenon is most prevalent in GOP politicians and the conservative news media. You see stupid, it disappears, and then comes right around back into your lap again.
I just came across the latest political iteration of The Stupid Hamster Wheel. I was just making one of my obligatory swings through Cluster FUX, wanting to see what the under fives were up to today, and they were just going to a break. The host said something like, Will China ever be held personally liable for global restitution for the coronavirus that they unleashed on the planet? That story after this break. And I thought to myself, Oh, shit! More Trumpian China bashing to gin up the base.
And then came the commercial. It had a guy clad in what I like to call Kushner weekend attire. It was a tall, skinny geek, with a face made to kick sand in, a white shirt, black tie, and a sweater with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows. He came straight to the point; The communist government of China created the Covid-19 virus in a secret lab. They’ve been lying not only to their own people, but to the world about their complicity, blah, blah. It went on for almost 30 seconds, reams of hackneyed political gibberish. But then came the McGuffin, If you’re looking for straightforward, honest reporting on the coronavirus, and China’s shameful role in it, then subscribe to The Epoch Times!
And the words screamed through my head, Oh Fuck! The Stupid Hamster Wheel again! Y’see, I’m somewhat more than passingly familiar with The Epoch Times. It’s an anti PRC rag, available by subscription both online or in paper, which lives to bash the PRC. It’s actually run by a legal arm of Falun Gong, an anti communist China group banned by the Chinese government decades ago as an outlawed religious cult. They have been a pain in the ass for the PRC for years, actually getting one of their “reporters” a press pass to a Rose Garden shindig with Bush Lite and the President of the PRC, where said reporter interrupted the Chinese President for almost 5 minutes before finally being led away by the Secret Service. It turned into an international humiliation for the Bush White House.
But I’m even more familiar with them thanks to a deep dive done on the group by Rachel Maddow last year. It turns out that one of the head honchos of Falun Gong, as well as their editorial arm, The Epoch Times, are in an unrequited bromance with His Lowness. There have been probes concerning possibly illegal Trump campaign contributions through the group’s US arm. But the sunshine spot was a story last year where the group claimed that His Lowness was actually a gift from God, sent down to earth too wipe out the communist China party. Apparently Trump himself is familiar with The Epoch Times, since two days later, during a speech in the Rose Garden about his trade war with China, Trump stopped speaking, turned his head upwards to the clear, sunny sky, and actually intoned Some people say that I’m The Chosen One. Oh yeah, and one of the group’s online advertising arms just happened to be the second largest purveyor or Trump reelection crap in the country.
See what I mean? It’s The Stupid Hamster Wheel! They blur onto your screen, and then they’re gone again. Then they’re back, and gone again in a flash. And where else but FUX News. Hate crimes are up all over the country against Asian Americans, both at the state and federal level. Trump revels in calling coronavirus “the Chinese virus.” So of course FUX would lead into a highly inflammatory story about China sure to stoke anti-Asian American sentiments, and lead into it with a television ad from a group whose soul purpose is to piss off the PRC, and stoke even more bad blood. I guess the silver trader scamsters finally got fed up with Carlson’s and Hannity’s bullshit.
To know the future, look to the past.before the insanity of the 2020 election, relive the insanity of the 2016 GOP primary campaign, and the general election, to see how we got to where we are. Copies of President Evil, and the sequel, President Evil II, A Clodwork Orange are available as e-books on Amazon, at the links above. Catch up before the upcoming release of the third book in the trilogy, President Evil III: All The Presidents Fen