You guys all know me, I kick and splash around all day in the fetid Trump swamp like a little kid who doesn’t hear his mother yelling at him to get outta there! that it’s not a rain puddle, but old man Trump’s septic tank has backed up again. What can I say? It’s what I do, and thankfully my sense of smell was burned out by changing diapers for four daughters.
As you all well know by reading my musings, this can be a dark and drear place, with little joy. But you carry on because a) you’re trying to get a greater and more important point across, and b) everybody else is as miserable at what you’re writing as you are writing it. But you also carry on in the almost Quixioteesque quest that some day you’ll reach the top of the mountain, and that there was meaning to the struggle.
Well, EU-FREAKIN’-REKA! That glorious day of inner peace and realization is finally here! Actually, it kinda feels like waking up one morning and realizing that you’re actually the Dali Lama! Total oneness with all is like so bitchin’ cool!
Here’s what actually happened, and what led to my great epiphany. Actually, the story was related two days ago, but in the tidal wave that was Lev Parnas, it kind of flew under the radar. It was reported, but just didn’t get the kind of coverage it should. And in that story was the key that unlocked my inner peace.
Two days ago, the General Accounting Office, a non partisan government office came out and said that they had determined that in withholding the already approved military funding for the Ukraine, both the Office of Management and Budget, as well as President Trump personally, had broken the law. We had all long suspected that, but still, it was nice to have the official Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval on the thing. The response from the Trump White House was both predictable as well as petulant; We strongly disagree with the findings of the GAO.
BANG! I was immediately bathed in a soft, bright, silken white light. That whiny, two year old response unlocked the key for me, because in my life I have
- Passionately disagreed with United Airlines that my services were no longer required after the events of 9/11
- I seriously disagreed with the IRS that I owed them an additional $308.79 in taxes one year
- I vehemently disagreed with that numb nuts traffic cop that I was doing 70 in a 45 zone,
- And I uber disagreed with the judge that the act of driving over that cops foot constituted assault on a police officer
And as strongly as I disagreed with all of those assessments, as I came to learn very shortly, all of my stong disagreements literally meant jack shit! Nothing I said was going to change the outcomes of any of those decisions. I was just pissing into a fan. And that was my revelation regarding Trump.
Because, one of the most common comparisons to Trump’s behavior is that of a petulant two year old toddler. And as a father of four, I completely agree. Anybody who has raised a two year old knows that, when they’re suddenly confronted with a situation that doesn’t unfold as they had expected, there is a predictable sequence of responses.
First there is shock. Shock that something happened that they didn’t expect, or that didn’t happen as they had expected it to. Second, there is confusion. They can’t understand why the event didn’t unfold as they had expected, and it upsets them. Third is denial. They simply deny that the event unfolded as it did, and aver that it went as scheduled all along. And fourth and finally, there is acceptance that something actually went awry, and that they can’t personally control, or correct it.
Donald Trump is the perfect example of a perpetual mental toddler, and he’s displaying it brilliantly throughout this impeachment crisis. First came shock. Donald Trump didn’t get away with something? Nonsense! Donald Trump always gets away with everything! There’s something wrong here. Second came the confusion. How could anybody possibly be actually holding Widdle Donnie responsible for this? It didn’t happen as he anticipated, so clearly it couldn’t be his fault! Now comes the third and current stage, denial. I honestly think that when all of this broke, Trump seriously believed that there was some for of political bankruptcy court, where he could throw a ton of political petty cash around, and this would all go away, with no admission of guilt on his part. The simple fact of disagreeing with the event means that it didn’t really happen, at least not in the way that makes you come off badly.
Do you notice what’s missing? Step four, acceptance. That’s the step that I’m waiting on now, and to be perfectly honest, I don’t think that we’ll ever see it. Donald Trump has led a blameless life since his arrival on the planet. There has never been a situation that he couldn’t charm, beg, buy or bluster his way out of, which makes the scenario incomprehensible to him. He cannot accept responsibility, and so he cannot accept the outcome. But at the same time, he is powerless to change the outcome to suit his basic, childish needs. Every tie that Nancy Pelosi steps in front of a camera and reminds the world that impeachment is forever, and nothing Trump says or does can change or erase that fact, it’s a fresh twist of the knife in the wound. One he’ll never be able to tolerate, but at the same time, one he’ll never be able to remove so that the wound can heal.
That is why I’m such a smiling motherfucker as Ving Rhames put it in Pulp Fiction. Because, as painful, and nauseating, and depressing as it can be crawling around in His Lowness’ mind, you and I have an out. We can change the channel, or read a book, or play a game. But starting with the House vote to impeach Trump, he became ensnared in a Mobius Loop, one which he will never be able to get out of, and will obsess hi for the rest of his life. And I can live with that. A lot better than he will.
To know the future, look to the past. before the insanity of the 2020 election, relive the insanity of the 2016 GOP primary campaign, and the general election, to see how we got to where we are. Copies of President Evil, and the sequel, President Evil II, A Clodwork Orange are available as e-books on Amazon, at the links above. Catch up before the upcoming release of the third book in the trilogy, President Evil III: All The Presidents Fen