I suspect the genius behind the Q-Anon movement, who simply must be a liberal having a good time with the Trumpers, must be testing himself (herself?) and his followers. Surely, the goal all along has been to see just how far across the Rubicon he can lead this division of rubes. But the Q-Anon hive mind has come up with a theory that must have “Q” shaking his head, lamenting he ever did this.
You will never guess who is coming back on July 4th of this year. Not only is he coming back, but he’s coming back to run as Donald Trump’s running mate.
No, it is not Mike Pence’s dark flamboyant side. The person isn’t even alive.
It is JFK Jr.
Hang on. I did not make that up! The guy who writes about Q-Anon, and/or his followers made it up, didn’t he Rolling Stone?
The theory that JFK Jr. is alive and a Trump supporter and a hirsute former financial services professional who lives in Pittsburgh has been percolating in QAnon forums for at least the past year. But it recently made a resurgence on YouTube, where QAnon supporters are posting tutorials for how to make JFK Jr. face masks to wear to Trump’s much-hyped July 4th rally, when they believe JFK Jr. will finally emerge from hiding.
Wow. Gaze in awe.
One rarely runs across such pure genius in unadulterated and pureed bullshit. This is performance art that will find itself in the Smithsonian some day, ideally on July 5th of this year.
So what, exactly, is the basis for this theory, and where did it come from? Why, exactly, do QAnon believers ardently cling to the idea that John John is alive and well and living in Pittsburgh? And did Vincent Fusca have sex with Daryl Hannah in the 1980s? These are just a few of the important questions we must answer.
No, absolutely not. It is perfect as is.
Rolling Stone goes on to explain the genesis of the theory that JFK was coming back, but it basically boils down to “Q” being on sabbatical in July of 2018 and a bunch of other complete gibberish.
We move on to the important stuff that gets to the heart of the matter:
The idea gained further credence thanks to Liz Crokin, a right-wing conspiracy theorist who referred to JFK Jr.’s role as Q during a 2018 interview with vlogger Jenny Moonstone. In the video, Crokin cited Q’s posts about former President John F. Kennedy as evidence that JFK Jr. was running the account. “The way that Q talks about JFK Sr. in the posts, it is with such love and passion, it makes me think that it is someone that is close to him,” Crokin said in the video. “If JFK Jr. faked his death and was alive, it would make sense that he was Q.”
Well, you do have to admit that is inarguably logical. I mean, if JFK Jr. faked his death, the only sensible thing to do would be to remain in hiding for a long time, and then come out as some complete dumbass on 4Chan and speak in stanzas that make Nostradamus read like a how-to manual. Remain in hiding that is, until such point that a president befitting of the JFK legacy – someone who embodies the profile in courage JFK celebrated – needs a running mate for his second term. Of course, such a perfect plan is contingent upon that same courageous president not being convicted during impeachment and barred from office for life. Small gamble, all things considered, am I right?
No one can argue the logic of it all. Lots of famous people have faked their own deaths, only to come back as a crazed lunatic, thereby destroying their legacy. Tupac is running a carwash in a small town in Mississippi, I am positive that I’ve seen him.
There is another theory, less logical but just as appealing. “Q” is nothing more than some college kid at an Ivy league school that lost a bet in the dorm room and is tasked with testing just how far he can lead some Trump followers into a bath of batshit.
Jesus, these people. This is the point in which we ourselves engage in some dark humor and wish there were some serious consequences for believing such bullshit. What happened to the old school Kool-Aide, the real stuff that leads them away into a more perfect world? If used, it would prove the ultimate wisdom behind evolution.
JFK Jr.’s tail number on the plane was MAGA-2020, which solidifies the theory. Unless I just made that up.
firstname.lastname@example.org and on Twitter @MiciakZoom