American Homeland Battered by Epic Tweet Storm Unleashed from White House

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*Trump will be damned if he’ll be impeached without letting everyone around the world hear about it.*

This storm cell has been brewing, fueled by an updraft of bad news originating in the minds of the non-“Loyal.”

A treacherous Tweet storm of the “Trumphon type” was  unleashed this morning. The storm has yet to relent, battering the East Coast and moving west, east, south and north at the speed of light. Trump, as a force of nature unto himself, unleashed over seventy tweets prior to nine this morning, clocking in at 70.0 on the DJT Scale. All citizens are encouraged to seek cover, alcohol, comfort foods such as pizza, Kentucky Fried Chicken (Extra Skin) as many hamberders as your family can reasonably store. Depending upon your state, the soothing plant of your choice may be used for extra medicinal purposes.

The fury of the storm ravaged electrons and even innocent one’s and zeros the net over, some elderly devices succumbed to the blizzard, it will take weeks for an official toll. Other electronic devices were rendered useless due to a rare electro-tantrumped pulse, leaving holders stunned. Many citizens in desperate search of common sense wandered outdoors in a trance, many utilizing the comfort provided by therapy dogs, who themselves could smell both bullshit and danger.

Many noted Twitterologists braved the storm in an attempt to lower heartrates and bring fair warning to innocent phone holders everywhere:

God bless you, Mr. Ropar. Please, save yourself.

The storm was especially dangerous for innocent children who found themselves at the mercy of a power scientists have only yet begun to understand:

Among the tweets sent out by the president include angry attacks on Thunberg, whom the president accused of having anger management issues after she was named Time Magazine’s Person of the Year;

Jason Miciak, an obscure expert in the matter, speculated that future dangerous storms might be avoided if cell towers in certain very specific areas of the country be shut down when conditions prove ripe for such a relentless storm. Said Miciak: “For instance, like Thursdays, or even most days, until a full year from now.”

Some of the damage wrought was long anticipated, allowing victims finding themselves within the vortex to take cover on a beach in a tropical island without wifi.

The main cell quickly generated offshoots which seemed purposely issued to distract from those in direct path of destruction.

****An official report has now been issued by the Twitter Storm center****

This warning is to be taken seriously. We urge all Zoomers and their loved ones to shut off their electric Twitter machine and hug a loved one. Pray.

Beaches are close to prevent the danger-seeking from surfing the surge. Preliminary studies show some hope in new treatment modalities. For some, frequent use of snark, liberally spread, can decrease the impact of the brunt of the storm.

****

Peace, y’all, but get yourselves under cover!

Jason

jmiciak@yahoo.com and on Twitter @MiciakZoom

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9 Comments on "American Homeland Battered by Epic Tweet Storm Unleashed from White House"

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Liz
Guest

Hahahaha! I shall indeed take cover! I’m going back to bed! Wake me when this (sh*t)storm is over. 🙂

Bareshark
Guest

That young girl in your report, Dr. Miciak, probably saw it coming long before anyone else did. It’s just that she’s got other things to care about, as she reminds people on the regular. Rest assured, like all storms caused by El Pendejo, this too shall pass.

michaelscott
Member

Justification for my never setting up a Twitter (or FaceBook, Instagram, et al) account. I had an LinkedIn (Facebook for grown-ups) account for about a year when it looked like I might need to find a new job, but deleted it when Microsoft bought them,

Cherl Harrell
Guest

Wow, the comment on Thunberg, talk about projection! He does it without thinking, it seems. Maybe that’s how he does most things. So glad I don’t do social media. My life is mostly a storm shelter, except what I allow in to stay informed.

Alfred Higgins
Guest

As my grandpappy always liked to tell it: “Tiny fingers are the tool of the devil!”

gettin too old for this sh!t
Member
gettin too old for this sh!t

LMAO, Jason this was just what I needed, even though I’ve been oblivious to the
Twit In Chief all day! I have had better, more important things to do! Like taking my husband to the eye doctor because he can’t see to drive when they’re done with him, grocery shopping, starting to read Michelle Obama’s “Becoming”, making a few trades and collecting a sweet profit off one of them, dusting the furniture, you know, just stuff like that. I really needed this shit to crack me up! Thanks again, Jason!

William Bockemuehl
Guest

Someone elsewhere posted that the tweet count has risen to over 100, just today alone.

If he spent 3 minutes on each one, that is 5 hours spent…just tweeting.

The ONLY good side to this is that while he is tweeting, he can’t destroy anything else.

LDoza
Member

WHOOT YES… here is my threadlet of this… https://twitter.com/LOrion/status/1205621226212921345?s=20
Wonderful Wonderful SNARK … it is, right? This didn’t really happen in America today did it?

LDoza
Member

FYI .. Guess some folks didn’t like the Common Dreams HEADLINE that #MoscowMitchTraitor is planning to RIG the Senate Impeachment trial..
as of now the handle has 20,000 uses this hour!