Wow, the Trump doctrine has been absorbed through and through within the Republican party. The Republicans’ biggest weakness is evidence and the Trump doctrine has been clear; evidence needs to keep its big fat mouth shut and keep itself applied to supplement Fox News reports and Trump Tweets, damnit.
Mr. Moo Nunes wants you to know he’s furious, because he’ll be damned if someone finds out what he’s been doing!
House Intelligence Committee ranking member Devin Nunes (R-Calif.) said Sunday that it was “sickening” that Chairman Adam Schiff (D-Calif.) had obtained his phone records as part of the House’s impeachment inquiry.
Sickening? Wow, this evidence must really shed light on your actions to get you, Nunes, all upset like this. Do go on, we’d like to hear more about how reality is grossly unfair and Adam Schiff is a mean mean man.
“I think the whole thing is just sickening, but he did it to one of my current staff members and one of my former staff members who he doesn’t like,” Nunes said on Fox News’s “Sunday Morning Futures.”
Nunes goes on to make an excellent point. He says that he’d never go through a staff member (evidently he’s pinning this on some former staff member, which, you’ll notice, is both a lie and wholly irrelevant). Nunes believes it is clear that when he co-conspires with Trump, he calls Trump himself.
* Please note that there is nothing to indicate his staff talked to Trump. That’s just Nunes’ story. But IF a staff member talked to Trump, that doesn’t mean A) the staff member didn’t relay bullshit from Nunes. B) Nunes talked directly to Trump on other occasions. We do not know how many times Nunes called from his office, the only records that jump off the page are calls from Nunes’ cell phone.
Evidently, Nunes finds it especially unfair that it only took one person to find his information. One person! Nunes says Schiff alone got all this shit. Schiff was doing all this investigative stuff and finding facts. Who is “one person” to find all this stuff? Unpossible!
None of Nunes’s assertions are true, and none would matter if true, but it’s a hell of a story, and wrong.
Schiff has denied subpoenaing Nunes’s phone records. Addressing the pushback over obtaining the records on Sunday … “Every investigator seeks phone records to corroborate, sometimes to contradict, a witness’s testimony,”
See? Schiff is being shifty! He is corroborating facts. Getting at reality. This is a Trump investigation, damnit, and only Trump gets to define reality. The fact that these phone records were gathered in a criminal investigation of some dumbass (who got caught!) makes it especially unfair because it’s probably true and shit.
Sigh. I have some advice for our dairy asset.
Shut the fck up, Devin. You are lucky you haven’t been hauled in front of a board of review to judge your conflict. You were obligated to moo something like …
“Point of order, Mr. Chairman. Before we go any further, I’d like the record to show that I’ve been ass-deep in Trump shit from the beginning and this is no different. I clearly have a conflict that is obvious and bad. So I am going to leave now and go re-chew on my breakfast.”
He never did it. He never said anything like it, denying it even now. And that’s why he’s mad! This shit was never supposed to come out. That’s ridiculous.
Nunes wants people really pissed off at Schiff who got the records because this is all intolerable. It is intolerable and unpossible!
Sit down, Nunes and take a deep breath.
We are actually not mean, cowboy. We brought you some hay. The fact that “reality” has an “anti-Republican” groove isn’t our fault and it likely won’t end soon. Chew on that, too.
As one of your friends recently said, “Get over it,” and get ready. We like reality.
firstname.lastname@example.org and on Twitter @MiciakZoom