Where would we be without the depth of insight of Ted Cruz? Answer: anywhere would be an improvement. Here is the Texas Senator’s take on the political demise of his buddy John Bolton. Of course, it’s not Donald Trump’s fault, or Bolton’s fault, it’s the fault of mysterious forces.

Why doesn’t Trump just open up a Department of Conspiracy Theory and be done with it? Ted Cruz can head it up. After all, we know that Ted Cruz’ father didn’t kill JFK. Elvis killed JFK and Ted Cruz’ father killed Elvis — and then went into partnership with Bigfoot, where they faked the moon landing, and thereby deduced that the earth was flat. Maybe Mike Pence could rewrite the Lord’s prayer, too. “Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, in flat earth as it is in flat heaven.” Hey, seriously — is this any weirder than what Cruz just said? Or what Pence spews?



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11 Comments on "Ted Cruz Tweets Deep State Conspiracy Theory To Explain Bolton’s Exit"

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p j evans

Did Senator Calgary Cruz-missile sleep between 2008 and 2017? Because he seems to have missed everything going on in US government.

Terrie Krinsky

Last paragraph says it all. Forgot to mention that the earth is not just flat, it’s only 6,000 years old.


They are all sociopaths.

Lil Blue Sock

Stupidity, thy name is Ted Cruz.

p j evans

He’s not the worst. Which tells you how bad the GOP-T is.

Lone Wolf

Ted who???


Exactly! Ted, when, a long time ago … when he was rejected by the Canadians in red jackets riding beautiful horses, trying to hide his extra capacity magazines for his twin Glocks … kept saying things like YA HU, ridem cowboy … horses looked confused, looking back at Cruz, like wtf?


But… The Earth IS flat.
It only appears round to us because we only exist in two dimensions as well.
And NOTHING is EVER Tangerine Nixon’s fault, gods don’t make mistakes.