This proposition makes just as much sense as what the bankrupt realtor from Queens came up with yesterday — in many ways, more. The New Yorker:

COPENHAGEN (The Borowitz Report)—After rebuffing Donald J. Trump’s hypothetical proposal to purchase Greenland, the government of Denmark has announced that it would be interested in buying the United States instead.

“As we have stated, Greenland is not for sale,” a spokesperson for the Danish government said on Friday. “We have noted, however, that during the Trump regime, pretty much everything in the United States, including its government, has most definitely been for sale.” […]

A key provision of the purchase offer, the spokesperson said, would be the relocation of Donald Trump to another country “to be determined,” with Russia and North Korea cited as possible destinations.

If Denmark’s bid for the United States is accepted, the Scandinavian nation has ambitious plans for its new acquisition. “We believe that by giving the U.S. an educational system and national health care, it could be transformed from a vast land mass into a great nation,” the spokesperson said.

God knows that Prince Hamlet dealt with some corrupt people, in a court where backstabbing was the order of the day — literally. But even he never encountered the likes of Donald Trump. We’re ready for Denmark, but is Denmark ready for us?

And here’s a thought, while we’re restructuring global alliances: How about when the UK leaves the European Union on Halloween, if it becomes an American colony? Turnabout is fair play, that sort of thing.

[Editor’s Note: Andy Borowitz writes satire for the New Yorker.]

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33 Comments on "Borowitz Report: ‘Denmark Offers To Buy U.S.’ /s"

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Cmae
Guest

This is nuts. I wonder if we will find out where Trump got this ridiculous idea.

batchevana
Member

I believe Greenland has rare earth elements. He wants to mine it.

Steve
Member

Yes, that’s correct and with the glaciers melting away, the minerals formerly inaccessible are being exposed for mining for the first time. Every root motive for anything fake 45 Put-in puppet says revolves around money. Look at his illegal manipulation of markets – all result in his and his family’s personal profit. Ending ethanol subsidies. Placing tariffs on wind and solar energy. And of course China, Canada and Mexico trade tarrifs. All put $$$ in his pockets or in Vladimir’s (his puppetmaster’s) pockets.

CalmDown
Guest

This is not an idea that originated with Trump. It goes at least as far back as the Andrew Johnson administration in 1867 when his State Department suggested it. Harry Truman’s administration actually offered $100 million dollars for it.

Essentially it boils down to geopolitics. Our defense presence on the island is a major factor in “providing for the common defense”(Yep, it’s in the Constitution). It’s also to preempt other countries, in particular China, who wanted to finance and build airstrips on Greenland from establishing a foothold there.

Shockwave
Member

All for Denmark buying the US with one condition; jail for Trump.

We already offered to buy Denmark in 1946 for $100 million and they turned it down. Given inflation, this would be like offering $1.3trillion today. So perhaps Trump should offer $2trillion. I’m sure his buddy Putin can afford it. The Twilight Zone is embarrassed by Trump’s regime which makes it look normal.

michaelscott
Member

Sold! Has to be better than what we have now.

rory darjiit
Member

Questions I’m forced to ask:

– Could Trump identify Denmark on a map?

– Does he even know difference between Denmark and Danish? (Does he think these refer to two nations?)

Jason Miciak
Member

No.
No.
Next question.
He probably thinks Denmark is somewhere in the middle of Europe, beside France or something. No idea what language they speak, nor what the capitol might be.
I do admit, I get the Low v. Scandinavian countries mixed up from time to time, but I am not president.

Done4nau
Guest

Someone told him there’s oil. He wants Greenland for himself and wants to buy it with taxpayer money. Like a child he says write a check— use your credit cardsu

LDoza
Member

WONDERFUL by Andy… and I luv your idea too.

Lil Blue Sock
Member

“Other People’s Money” is prominently displayed on the Trump family coat of arms.

Steve
Member

Just BC Trump sold the US to Putin doesn’t mean you can purchase other sovereign nations for money. This is what you get when you have a fale POTUS who flunked 3rd grade mathematics and flunked 5th grade civics and the only way to pass and move up to the next grade is to get your daddy to pay-off the school administrators and record fake grades.

Gerald Boyette
Guest

Moscow Mitch to the rescue. Sell-out for an aluminum plant.

Concinnity
Guest

I await eagerly our new Danish overlords, with the fervid anticipation of a Republican expecting a Russian.

Gerald Boyette
Guest

Don’t mess with Vikings. They have longboats and they know how to use them.

Jennifer Manocherian
Guest

I have an even better idea. Let Russia or Israel, where Trump says he is the second coming, offer to buy HIM. Sale price one they can’t refuse – we will pay THEM to buy HIM!