It has become a defining feature, perhaps the defining feature of the m(or)onarchy of King Schitwitz the First. And the longer we live under the thumb of Fumbles the Clown, the more pronounced it gets. I’m talking about the phenomena of “Hey, remember when this shit was funny?”
They came out of the blocks quickly. On the day after the inauguration, Spawn Slicer stomped out behind the podium, stood on two phone books, and angrily schooled the press corps that the 42 bums scouring the national mall the day before searching for recyclables and dropped change was the largest inaugural crowd, “Eva!” And as funny as it was watching the pundits on network TV try to keep a straight face while reporting on the meltdown, the Kodak moment came from watching the collection of audible gourds at FOX trying to explain how the comparative photos were a hoax. But then SmellyAnne Conway educated us to the existence of “alternative facts,” and suddenly it was a little less comical. And when Blarah Flackabee Slanders made a daily habit of spewing such insane nonsense that the security machines in the west wing had to be re-calibrated to detect rotten tomatoes and cabbages before the press pool could hurl them at the podium, and the joke was lost.
Then it was the “disappearing papers caper.” It was nonstop giggles when we learned that senior advisers like Gary Cohn and John Kelly were simply walking into the Oval Office and whisking away papers containing stupid shit that had caught Trump’s sporadic attention. This was hilarious for two reasons. First, because Trump’s cognitive abilities were so stunted that he could be so easily conned into forgetting something he was hell bent for leather on doing five minutes before. And second, because “the adults in the room” were resorting to cheap parlor tricks to arbitrarily rein in His Lowness’ worse instincts. But now the reality has set in that all of those “adults” are in rooms somewhere other than the White House, and if the President, no matter how childish and stupid, is routinely ignored and deceived by staff and advisers, when who is actually making executive decisions and running the asylum?
Which brings us to the third jewel of this Triple Crown of thorns. Apparently someone in the administration went to great length to ensure that Trump could not see the name John McCain on the side of the ship bearing his name when he was in Tokyo. If you believe Trump (and why would you?), he knew nothing of the efforts, but didn’t decry them. Personally, i believe Trump. I think I know Donald Trump well enough now to know that the only ship in the world he knows the exact location of is the replica of The Black Pearl in the bathtub of the White House residence. And if yu can’t get the president to read a freakin’ PDB for Gods sake, what makes you think he’s gonna read the name on the side of a ship on the other side of the harbor?
But this pathetic example of childish behavior speaks to a deeper and more serious problem. Regardless of who issued the instructions, staff members and advisers to the president are taking active steps to conceal from him uncomfortable truths. An this is not good. Because, as cheap and petty as this exercise was, it begs the question of what other unsavory facts of life are they hiding? Right now you have a chief of staff whose professional motto appears to be, “Whatever. As long as he’s not screaming at me.” And that attitude seems to permeate most of the people closest to Trump.
But it gets wore. In Mike Pompeo and John Bolton, you have two chickenhawks with their own clear agendas, and recent events have started to indicate that they may not be the same agenda as Glorious Bleater has. What’s to stop Pompeo from keeping intelligence that he has been briefed on that indicates that North Korea has actually begun expanding their nuclear capabilities experiments again, keeping them under wraps, in order to let Trump continue to think that his summits were whopping successes, and his bromance with Kim Dung Un is intact? What’s to stop a maniac like Bolton from continuing to whisper in Trump’s ear about the perfidies of Iran, even though all hard intelligence from our allies and operatives shows that Iran is still complying with the nuclear agreement, just to try to realize his lifelong dream of regime change in Iran?
Look, every adviser and aide to the president, regardless of which president, tries to provide their boss with necessary information while presenting it in the best possible light. But regardless of how much peanut butter they wrap it in, they’re still giving the damn dog the pill. The secret to a successful presidency is for all of the president’s senior advisers and aides to be on the same page as the president. The problem here is that Trump doesn’t have a damn page, so other people are writing the stupid book for him. And we all know how much Trump likes to read. This is, as my daughter likes to say, “No bueno.”
Follow me on Twitter at @RealMurfster35