Did you hear that Toyko rocked with an earth tremor, as Air Force One was preparing it’s final descent with Donald Trump onboard? It did indeed, which shows that even Mother Earth was not looking forward to this buffoon landing — say, you suppose She could arrange for Trump to enter that space in the Twilight Zone where the plane just flies and flies, through all of earth’s past, and can’t catch up to its own time?
Nah, we can’t get that lucky, we’re going to have to sit through this episode to the bitter end, whatever that might be. In the meantime, Trump is trashing Japanese customs. They graciously invited him to present a trophy at the Sumo wrestling championship Sunday and Trump will show up — but he refuses to sit cross-legged on the cushion provided, thereby flouting, if not mocking, centuries of Japanese tradition, which, needless to say, was honored by the presidents before him.
Now, the yous and mes know that the reason Trump won’t even try is because he’s too fat and he knows how ridiculous he will look, getting up and down off the floor, even with Melania and four Secret Service men propping him up. But that’s not how it’s framed in the international press — at least, not yet. Reuters:
Masaru Tomamoto, 73, said he sympathized with Trump but nonetheless would prefer the U.S. leader to follow custom.
“I also want to sit on chair as we watch sumo wrestling,” admitted Tomamoto over a steaming bowl of chanko nabe, the stew favored by sumo wrestlers.
“But if (Trump) watches a Japanese traditional sport, sumo, I think that it would be much better for him to sit cross-legged with the cushion on the floor, rather than on chair.”
Izumi Chiba from Sapporo in northern Japan echoed the sentiment: “As we say, when you are in Rome, do as the Romans do.”
Trump will have to climb onto the ‘dohyo’ – or sumo ring – to present the award alongside Abe. Shoes are typically not worn on the dohyo so he may have to wear slippers or shoe covers.
Almost one-eighth of the 11,000 seats have been reserved for Trump, Abe and their security teams. Ordinary attendees will have to go through security checks, media reported.
Now, canned beer is usually sold, but is expected to be banned from the front section, according to D.C. Tribune, which quipped, “Can you imagine sitting near Trump, watching him be a colossal dick to your customs, and not even be able to drink?!”
A quick, and truthful, rewrite of this story would be:
“Toyko: Fat slob American president touches down in Air Force One today, while even the earth shakes — she must be throwing up as Donald Trump draws near — and we can’t say we blame her.
“The rotund pig that regularly squats in the Oval Office has been invited to honor our finest Sumo wrestler with a trophy. And what does he do? Does he accept this honor like a statesman and a gentleman? Hell no. He refuses to sit on the ceremonial cushion provided, or take his shoes off, because he knows; 1. Taking his shoes off, which contain lifts, will expose the lie that he is 6’3” and 2. Flailing around trying to get up and down off the ground will make him look ridiculous and so he is foregoing that circus act, for obvious reasons. The press has more than enough reasons to laugh at him.
“Meanwhile, he tweets sweet nothings at Kim Jong-Un, who would just as soon blow him to smithereens as spit on him and he’s too stupid to know that.
“We are a proud people who have overcome much misfortune and we shall overcome Donald Trump. Many blessings and much sympathy for the poor American servicemen who gave their lives on our shores during WWII — that the country they died for should sink to this.
“We actually envy them, however, because at least they are mercifully dead and do not have to suffer the presence of this beast, as do we.”
Now THAT would be an accurate accounting of Trump’s visit to Japan, and some op/ed person may pen it, but don’t look for it to be in the next few days.