Ted Cruz Challenged Your Right To Masturbate, Said Using A Dildo ‘Akin To Bigamy’

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It comes as little shock that the Republican party, which is obsessed with sexual expression and reproduction, to a pathological degree, would find one of their senators involved in a whack a mole case defending a state law banning the advertisement and sale of sex toys, or “obscene devices” as then-solicitor general Ted Cruz dubbed them. Vanity Fair:

In its brief to the U.S. Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals, Cruz and his team argued that the plaintiffs challenging the law, a group of online retailers and Austin stores that sold sex toys, were not protected under the 14th Amendment’s right to privacy. In fact, he continued, banning obscene devices was in the public interest, and the government should be granted “police powers” for the purposes of “discouraging prurient interests in sexual gratification, combating the commercial sale of sex, and protecting minors.” Furthermore, using “obscene devices,” the state argued, was akin to “hiring a willing prostitute or engaging in consensual bigamy.”

Cruz observed that the law itself did not prevent people from using dildos or artificial vaginas in the privacy of their own homes, but unlike Lawrence v. Texas, the landmark Supreme Court case striking down laws prohibiting certain types of consensual sex, “there is no substantive-due-process right to stimulate one’s genitals for non-medical purposes unrelated to procreation or outside of an interpersonal relationship.” (It is unclear who penned that exact turn of phrase, but one could easily imagine Ted Cruz saying those words to a black-robed judge.)

Sadly for Cruz, and thankfully for the world, his argument was struck down and the law overturned. “The case is not about public sex. It is not about controlling commerce in sex. It is about controlling what people do in the privacy of their own homes because the State is morally opposed to a certain type of consensual private intimate conduct,” the court ruled in a 2-1 decision.

Cruz even considered taking the matter to the supreme court, but decided not to.

Do you suppose the Canadians have any clue how blessed they are that Cruz came down here to muck with our political system and culture as opposed to theirs? But it makes sense. Robin Williams said, “Canada is the nice apartment over the meth lab.” Cruz’ ideas definitely sound like something conceived in a meth lab.

 

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35 Comments on "Ted Cruz Challenged Your Right To Masturbate, Said Using A Dildo ‘Akin To Bigamy’"

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mae
Member

Wasn’t he found watching porn in his office? Surely he Wasn’t masturbating at work, in a public setting?

P J Evans
Guest

I wonder what toys his wife has in her dresser.

mae
Member

He is protesting way too much, his drawer is full to the brim.

Dino Durrati
Guest

https://www.google.com/search?biw=1680&bih=858&tbm=isch&sa=1&ei=sUrbXLKZLYX49AOV8IKwCA&q=religous+dildo&oq=religous+dildo&gs_l=img.12…61419.65013..67218…0.0..0.338.849.7j3-1……1….1..gws-wiz-img.lujMsF1LF8s#imgrc=XH6UO-ZvpLmLkM:

P J Evans
Guest

Does he have any idea how many people use them because they’re *safe*?

P J Evans
Guest

Although this kind of thing would definitely please the louder fundies – they hate the idea of people enjoying sex.

Alfred Higgins
Guest

Make Masturbation Great Again! I can’t think of a logo slogan more suitable to a scarlet red hat.

Denis Elliott
Member

How bout Masturbate American Genitals Always? Who knew MAGA could be something fun?

redheadedgammy
Member

Can Cruz be any more repugnant? So sick of his holier than thou crap.

Lone Wolf
Member

Ted Cruz is a dildo, one of Trump’s dildos…

Darrel
Member

Major disconnect in the Congress/Senate … warning,”There are self-centered, bat-shit crazy religio-righteous morons on the loose”, there is only one pure answer for those unfortunate women in need, please schedule your personal visit to the office of the POTUS … where your needs will be delivered by the POTUS himself, an honor and a duty as well … give the ladies a freaking break Cruz, go suck lemons, your sneering face is losing it’s peachy-keen appearance …

Alice in Wonder
Guest

“hiring a willing prostitute or engaging in consensual bigamy.”
If the dildo has a headache, is it still consensual? or rape?

Denis Elliott
Member

I seem to recall a while back there was a movement afoot to have students at UT carry around dildos (openly) on UT campus, and also to send them to Cruz’ office. Maybe it’s time to sen him sex toys again, only NO dildos or artificial vaginas. I say Butt Plugs only, with a card saying instead of your head always being up there shove this up your ass instead.

Rita Tecoma
Guest

Cruz is a Dildo !

Concinnity
Guest

So what is the Republican position now on ‘The Dignity of Public Office’?

elna benoit
Guest

Ted Cruz is afraid of competition. He knows that any woman (or man!) would rather have sex with an inanimate dildo than get near his foul junik.

Donna
Guest

Once more into the privacy of someone’s bedroom (either virtual or real) – any Republican, anywhere, anytime.