Well, we finally have something set in concrete. At least as concrete that the sandbox that is Trumptopia can get.Attorney General William Barr, the Ewok in a rumpled suit, has announced that the long awaited, chutes-n-ladders Robert Mueller report will be simultaneously released to both congress as well as the public on Thursday. This is pretty much what I always expected, and I know why, but I think that this particular time Barr and the GOP fornicated the canine.
When I heard the news this morning, I rolled my eyes loud enough to sound like a roulette table, turned to my wife Teri, and said, “Typical dick move by Barr.” There’s a common term in politics for what Barr is doing, it’s called a “news dump.” It is normally associated with a Friday, the object being that if there’s something negative about you that has to come out, you try to do it at around 5 pm on a Friday night. Everybody is already en route to home or the bar, planning their weekend, and news will not be on the top of their list. With any luck, the story will die of indifference over the weekend, and by the time people tune in on Monday, it’s not even mentioned anymore.If there’s a holiday involved, all the better, since it gives you another day for the story to wither and die.
That’s what Barr is doing here. Most people have Friday off for the Easter weekend, the kids are home from school, and people are beginning the planning and execution of their religious observances, or just kicking back. Add in the facts that His Lowness has already had three weeks to hammer home the bullshit “total exonoration” thesis, and the fact that congress is already on spring break, so the congressional response will be fractured and erratic, and this should be a wunderkind scenario for Trump and the GOP.But in this case, I think that the Hole-in-the-head gang miscalculated, badly. And it’s gonna come back to haunt them BIGLY!
There are a couple of reasons that I think this. First of all, the content itself. Normally, on a Friday news dump, the information has been kind of percolating, and bubbling around the edges. But the basic news or scandal is normally not a politically life altering event, it’s a pain in the ass, and if you can gloss over the resolution, it drops from the topic of conversation quickly, especially when you can always refer to the resolution as “old news.”
Not true in this case. By circumstances beyond his control, Robert Mueller has been the Mick Jagger of politics for the last 22 months. His movements have been tracked more closely than a dude prepping for a colonoscopy. The combination of sex, politics, money, corruption, and foreign intrigue have by their very nature hyped the release of this report to a degree higher than the “Who shot JR?” episode of Dallas. Releasing this report on a weekend only means that the networks will be able to devote prime time talent to it all weekend, instead of the bench warmers and stale stock programming that normally occupies time on the networks on weekends, and the fact that it’s a holiday weekend means it can be covered even more single mindedly, to ensure that no matter when you turn on your TV over the weekend, you’re going to be inundated with the news, along with analysis, which will become a topic of the patio or dinner table.
Also, in this case, the holiday is disastrous for Trump and the GOP. Congress isn’t just taking an extra day off, they’re off all next week. There will be scant, if any, political or national news brewing, which means that the network news shows can devote the entire week to gnawing on this bone, with various members of congress calling in or showing up periodically, giving their views, and keeping the coverage fresher. The combination of the intense public interest in Mueller’s report, and the rampant boredom of being stuck at home all week with the kids off of school, is going to give this story more legs than a centipede convention. And if Barr is anywhere near as freewheeling with his colored Sharpies as I think he’s going to be, then the universal disdain that his redactions will engender from host and guests alike will only guel a rising public outrage at the attempted whitewash.
But there’s another reason, completely separate from the media, why this could well shape up to be the longest, and worst week of the Trump presidency.When the shit hits the fan, you need a no stick suit if you’re standing in front of it. And when you’re the President, your no stick suit is your communications shop. Those people, well known by the public, and with an easy familiarity with the media, are are the sage soothsayers who will put out the counter argument, logically, sensibly, and with gravitas.
Who does Der Gropinfuror have to defend him from the ravening wolves of the media and the public? The PR savants who can turn this perilous situation right around on a dime? Well, let’s see. There’s Blarah Flackabee Slanders, the nursemaid of bullshit, Raj Shah, the flailing frat pledge that Slanders sends out whenever she doesn’t want any more tooth marks on her ass, Jay Sekulow, the department store mannequin that ended up in the Goodwill store, Rudy Ghouliani, the senile Nosferatu, but without the fangs to bite, and KellyAnne Con-way, whose own husband thinks she’s batshit crazy.
That’s it. Trump has prided himself on being his own best messenger, and has made goddamned sure that there is nobody in his own comms shop that can steal any of his sunshine, so this cadre of first grade remedial English kids are his only hope and salvation. No Obi Wan Kenobi’s here. Most professional, qualified spin doctors spin facts and situations, and then sprinkle in just enough bullshit to make it palatable. Not this Hell’s Kitchen battalion of dimwitted busboys. They start spinning pure, unadulterated bullshit, and spin it until it’s whizzing around so fast that it gets plastered all over the studio walls. KellyAnne Conway was so blatant in her ignorance of facts and reality, that both CNN and MSNBC refused to book er anymore. MSNBC is holding firm, but CNN has occasionally relented. There are other, fringe bubbleheads, like Amy Tarkanian, whose hubby Danny is 0-eternity in running for public office in Nevada, but they all suffer from the same deficit. Honesty and integrity.
these people hav absolutely no gravitas or believability, and throwing them out there will only serve to reinforce the sane, alternate views being espoused elsewhere.And anybody out there who honestly thinks that Donald Trump is going to try to spin anything other than his base into the ceiling should seek an immediate intervention. All of which gives everybody else fresh fodder for discussion and debate.
I have always felt that this Mueller report was going to be a disaster for Trump. Even with low Barr wielding his sharpie, there is only so much he can do. After 22 months of intense federal investigation, there can’t be a flawless, blemish free Dorian Gray, there has to be a portrait in the attic with all of the warts. When word started to leak out that confidants were starting to warn The Pampers President that he may have spiked the football just a wee early, you had to know that there was only so much that Barr could do, and that there was still definitely some frigging in the rigging. Now, it’s finally time to pay the check, and the Trump Klan couldn’t have picked a worse, more news free week to do it in. So, of course they picked this one. Iz genius I tells ya, genius!